Double barrelling surnames?

[LilPatronum]

DP and I are to get married very soon.
I really do not want to change my surname. Neither does DP. I have a long history with mine including already having been changed once by deed-poll due to having my deadbeat Fathers name.

We have no children yet but planning to hopefully have some in the very near future. I really want the same surname as my children, especially having grown up with a different one to my Mum. DP wants the same surname too. We’re not too fussed about having the same name as each other and if we weren’t planning on children we wouldn’t bother with name changes at all.

Has anyone ever double barrelled their surname legally so say to Smith-Jones but then socially referred to themselves by their maiden name? So my name is Jane Smith and I will still refer to myself as that including on social media etc but legally I will be Mrs Jane Smith-Jones and so will DH. Then when we have children they will be called Smith-Jones and we will all be the Smith-Jones’ on paper. At school we will
introduce ourselves as Mr & Mrs Smith-Jones and for anything important related to that.

My Mum thinks this is stupid and we might as well not bother with the double barrelling if we are still going to refer to ourselves as our original names? AIBU to think this is the best compromise? Or has anyone else done it?

I'm a teacher and I certainly don't think this.

ive been double barrelled for years, we both kept our own names and tagged on a new name we came up with for the second part, I alternate between maiden, married or the full name, it’s never an issue, people get weird about double barrelled surnames on mumsnet but in real life I have had no issues

What you are proposing works fine, and you can refer to yourself as whatever you want so long as you use your legally correct name in the appropriate circumstances.

However… I just never see the point of double barreling surnames for children. Your future children will be Smith-Jones. What if their surname is equally important to them as your’s is to you? Then when they get married their children will become the Smith-Jones-Brown. And so on. One name is always easier. Double barrel yourselves to reflect the marriage if you want but pick one for the children.

To be honest, either is fine so

Option1
Father keeps Smith
Mother keeps Jones
children Smith Jones

Option 2
Both parents become Smith Jones as well as the children.

I did option 1. I know people who did 2. I think both are fine.

We have never had any issues at all, other than older people writing Christmas cards who will use DHs name.

My personal view is not to hyphenate and just have both names. But don’t think that matters either.

• or Jones Smith !

But if at work and socially you are not the same name as them then that’s an issue?

I kept my surname, my husband kept his, our child is double barrelled. The only problem we’ve had is from my husband’s family members claiming they can’t remember our child’s surname because it’s “too complicated”. This is total rubbish as they are intelligent people so I conclude just aren’t making the effort. As a result we send cards and gifts to them with completely random names on them because it’s really very complicated to remember such a range of names.

Someone always brings up the “what happens if two double barrelled people have kids” “conundrum” in this discussion. The answer is, who gives a shit? My child can choose - we don’t have some starry family name to carry forwards so he can change it to muffin sprinkles for all I care.

If your kids have a double barrelled name, their future school teachers will just assume the parents are unmarried

The horror!

Yes, I came here to suggest this. Everyone gets a brand new name.

“Someone always brings up the “what happens if two double barrelled people have kids” “conundrum” in this discussion. The answer is, who gives a shit? My child can choose - we don’t have some starry family name to carry forwards so he can change it to muffin sprinkles for all I care.”

I agree!
1: In Spain they’ve managed this perfectly for centuries!
2: The children can choose.

Interestingly, my now adult DD does not have children yet…. But she and her boyfriend have registered their cats at the vet with two surnames- she picked her first surname ( mine!) and the boyfriend’s surname. No problem.

I am in the midst of a divorce and really with I'd double barrled the kids. We have their father's name, and if I change my name back to my maiden name I'll be different to them. It can be problematic taking them through airports etc, so I'm sticking with my ex's. It's shit though, I never once thought we'd be separating, but there you go

I haven’t done this personally. I changed my name to dh’s when I got married as wanted to get rid of deadbeat dad’s surname too. 17 years on, I’m very happy I did. I like having the same surname as Dh and my dc. I don’t care whose name it is. It’s my name now.

Anyway, the reason I didn’t want to double barrel our names was because I didn’t want to lump my children with complicated surname issues. It was my issue to sort out. And double barrelling just kicks the problem down a generation, so you have to be a Johnson-Smith-Jones or you have to change your name or not include a partners. And then what about the next generation? I felt like I was the one who wanted to share a surname with my children, as did Dh, so we had to decide between us what one name to use.

That said, I’ve had several friends who have blended their names to make a new surname and I’d be much more inclined to do that. You then have a family name for your family unit and no one ends up a Winston-Johnson-Jones-Smith down the line.

DH and I kept our last names and DC have double barrelled last names. Seems the easiest and fairest option to me.

What will they do if they marry someone else with a double barrelled name? Well, that's up to them. It's a bit of a silly argument, especially considering the fact that 1. They may not even get married and 2. If they do, who says they would even marry someone else with a double barrelled name?

I have a double-barrel surname and I hate it. Learning to spell it as a kid, the length of it on form, spelling it out over the phone.

never makes sense to me when adults say they’ve done it as a formality and it’s fine, course it is, they’re rarely using it on a day to day basis. It’s the monstrosity you land your kids with that’s the issue.

dyslexic with a 19 letter surname. What an absolute pig.

Have you heard of Spain, Portugal and Latin America?

I don’t imagine my children will be spending much time in my office to notice. All of the letters through the door will be to Smith-Jones. Every time they see my name written down it will be Smith-Jones.

I double barreled my name when I got married. So if my maiden name was Smith and dh name was Jones.
im legally Annie smith- jones however I use only Jones day to day and in work. It’s just easier for our family to be know as the Jones’.
when we had dc, they took both our names but use my maiden name as a middle name so Amelia Smith Jones (no hyphen).

I never really thought about it until someone said that she will never lose the middle name but might lose her surname if she marries (and chooses too) so she’ll always be a Smith!

Even if you do keep your own name Smith there will be many cases where people assume you have taken your husband’s name and call you Mrs Jones. Even old friends who have been explicitly told.

Drives me batty.

We double barrelled DD's name as a temporary measure when she was born, with the view to changing her and my name to DH's when we got married. By the time we got married, we liked the double barrelled surname so much that DH and I changed to match DD, so we're all double barrelled.

I became a teacher after getting married and just used my maiden name, for ease, so I don't think there's anything wrong with legally double barrelling, if you want to, but then socially/professionally going by one name or the other.

Or they'll all pick one of the four names, or they'll mash up two of the four names, or they'll pick an entirely new name.

That's the beauty of choice.

Why not just keep your own names?

I like the rule that whoever has the coolest last name is the winner. My last name is far cooler than my DP’s, so he knows when we get married he can keep his or take mine. Entirely his choice.

I’ve done it once before. There is no way I am ever again changing my identity to be in line with a man’s, or because of a man. It’s mine. I chose it. It sounds like you chose yours. You should keep it. It’s who you are.

I'm not a fan of double barrelled names, they are tricky to put in on forms and I think they come across a bit fussy/ pretentious. My maiden name and my husbands surname would have been a very clunky pair together. i would personally keep on working towards deciding on a single surname for everyone, it could be a compromise to whoever doesn't use their surname gets their first choice of first name.

it all depends on length. Max on most forms /airline tickets is 15 letters. We discovered our mistake when double-barrelling DCs surnames. It ends up with a funny word at the end when you can’t fit on the final letters

Do not faff about with using different versions of your name. Causes all kinds of grief for relatively trivial reasons when suddenly someone wants ID and your driving licence is different to your bank account or whatever.

One surname. Just decide on one and use it for everything.

You keep your name, he keeps his. Give the children both, no hyphens necessary.