Double barrelling surnames?

[LilPatronum]

DP and I are to get married very soon.
I really do not want to change my surname. Neither does DP. I have a long history with mine including already having been changed once by deed-poll due to having my deadbeat Fathers name.

We have no children yet but planning to hopefully have some in the very near future. I really want the same surname as my children, especially having grown up with a different one to my Mum. DP wants the same surname too. We’re not too fussed about having the same name as each other and if we weren’t planning on children we wouldn’t bother with name changes at all.

Has anyone ever double barrelled their surname legally so say to Smith-Jones but then socially referred to themselves by their maiden name? So my name is Jane Smith and I will still refer to myself as that including on social media etc but legally I will be Mrs Jane Smith-Jones and so will DH. Then when we have children they will be called Smith-Jones and we will all be the Smith-Jones’ on paper. At school we will
introduce ourselves as Mr & Mrs Smith-Jones and for anything important related to that.

My Mum thinks this is stupid and we might as well not bother with the double barrelling if we are still going to refer to ourselves as our original names? AIBU to think this is the best compromise? Or has anyone else done it?

My child has a double barreled name. Me and my partner both have our own names (DP's is also double barrelled).

Me - Jones
DP - Smith-Brown
Child - Jones-Brown

Doesn't cause any issues, although I'm not a fan of double barrelled names personally which is why I've kept my own name!

I don't think it's ridiculous for DC to have both of their parents names. It makes the most sense to me.

DH and I would've never agreed on just one of our names.

I really don’t see what the problem is. Most people I know managed it without any issue whatsoever. Only one used both names but even then one of them was a middle name not double barrelled.

Most people automatically use the fathers name. That's why most people manage it without issue.

My DC were never going to only have my DH's name. Never. My name is important too so they have both.

I suspect there’s a back story to this. I can’t imagine a happy and settled couple not being able to make a sensible choice between 2 names.

I detest double barrelled names. It's so pretentious.

Why did we need to when they can have both and we'd both be happy? That is the sensible choice.

I did the same (except it is Me-Him 🙂). Neither of us wanted to give up our name or faff about changing to double-barrelled (and then always having to declare a change of name). DC are in their teens now, and it has never been an issue, even when travelling abroad, which we do every year. I occasionally get called Mrs Him, or he Mr Her, but it's not a big deal. We're all happy!

100%

Hmmm …wonders if Polar Bear Griffin Jones would have been best off remaining nameless on the streets (where she was found) rather than being rehomed by the RSPCA and subjected to DDs surname choices!

We did option 2 - with a hyphen, and DH's siblings did option 1 but one with and one without a hyphen.

The non hyphenated have basically lost the first bit (hers) and it's become a middle name in day to day life.

The issue with option 1 for one family is the wider world assuming they either all have the child's surname or that they all have the Dad's. They all find it very annoying and expend quite a bit of energy being irritated, which seems unnecessary.

Option 2 has caused us no issues at all. Both she and I have kept our original email addresses so some people refer to us just as our pre married half of the name but neither of us mind.

I know a few families who have started with a completely new last name on marriage - one were same sex and their names just didn't work put together so they anagrammed a bit, one where the parents were teachers and both their names were v unfortunate for working with young people and one where there were matches with an unfortunate news story. I also know a couple who put their names together as one word ie Mr Black and Miss Smith became Mr & Mrs Blacksmith.

I know loads of professionals who have their original name at work and their family name at home too - lots of those in the law and healthcare do this.

Ultimately, do what you want!

“ Ultimately do what you want”

Yes exactly - and we are very fortunate we can, rather than some countries where the state is very prescriptive.

Just curious. Do you think Spain/South America etc are ridiculous? Just wondering if you're xenophobic or just judgemental.

I can't really see the point in having 2 sets of surnames tbh and in your situation would not bother having a double barrelled surname just to be able to introduce myself to my kids school as Mrs Married name, but use Ms Birth name everywhere else. Honestly as a teacher, noone at school will care!

I have a double barrelled name as my birth name which I did not change on marriage. I have one Scottish parent and one Spanish parent so mine is a bit of an unusual hybrid. The kids have my Spanish name and my husband's British surname. So for example I am Ana Garcia Mackenzie and my kids are DC Garcia Campbell. We manage fine, noone gets confused and hopefully if they get married in the future noone will end up with 48 surnames.

The issue is we are both from different heritages, although both born British, and our surnames come from that heritage. So both of the backgrounds are important to us and neither of us want to lose that.

It really isn’t.

My double barrelled surname isn't hyphenated officially and I've found that a massive pain, so I'm always curious about why people choose that. My parents couldn't hyphenate because of the system in the country they were in at the time.

@Cloudy718 why is the choice that makes all the people involved happy not the sensible one?

What on earth is "a sensible choice between two names" ? Unless one of the names is clearly ridiculous, choosing between two average names is a subjective matter. It goes down to who is most assertive and on external pressure put on both parent.

If the parents' names are Smith and Jones, one isn't more "sensible" than the other. If both parents want to use their name, there isn't any middle ground. Unless they agree to a coin toss - which personally I wouldn't as my name is important to me.

Double-barrelling isn't absurd, and parents having to choose which names they pass down isn't any different to the choice they already have to make.

(and before anyone makes assumptions, I have no dogs in that fight, my children only have my name).

I had my mums maiden name and it really upset me as all my friends either had their dad's name/mum's married name. It was why I took my DH name so we could all be the same. It was v important to me - more important than keeping my maiden name.

It could be any variation of that, or they might do what a cousin did and take a totally different surname.
I'm me-him, DC has me-him but uses my surname only. DH is just his surname.

Anything to do with names seems an opportunity for some form of snobbery.

Nothing wrong with double barrelled names and no stigma to being born out of wedlock either. Double barrelled surnames is part of my ancestoral heritage where it was quite common for a lot of families to double barrel and not considered odd at all..

Because it can be a pain in official situations and you can get held up in airports if dc have different names on their passports.

Of course it is. Why would we choose one name knowing one person would always be unhappy when we can use both names and everyone is happy?

I'm always surprised by how many people aren't embarrassed to show their whole arse on this topic.

Invariably, the discussion sees posters who are concerned about being seen as a particular social class, but meanwhile happily flaunt their lack of knowledge about naming customs in one of the world's most widely spoken languages, and inability to read a thread. Very.... unsophisticated.