Double barrelling surnames?

[LilPatronum]

DP and I are to get married very soon.
I really do not want to change my surname. Neither does DP. I have a long history with mine including already having been changed once by deed-poll due to having my deadbeat Fathers name.

We have no children yet but planning to hopefully have some in the very near future. I really want the same surname as my children, especially having grown up with a different one to my Mum. DP wants the same surname too. We’re not too fussed about having the same name as each other and if we weren’t planning on children we wouldn’t bother with name changes at all.

Has anyone ever double barrelled their surname legally so say to Smith-Jones but then socially referred to themselves by their maiden name? So my name is Jane Smith and I will still refer to myself as that including on social media etc but legally I will be Mrs Jane Smith-Jones and so will DH. Then when we have children they will be called Smith-Jones and we will all be the Smith-Jones’ on paper. At school we will
introduce ourselves as Mr & Mrs Smith-Jones and for anything important related to that.

My Mum thinks this is stupid and we might as well not bother with the double barrelling if we are still going to refer to ourselves as our original names? AIBU to think this is the best compromise? Or has anyone else done it?

So if your daughter gets married and has children, she presumably has to decide whether to end your family line of names, or drop her dad’s name (which in some instances could also be the end of that line). She doesn’t really have the option to give “her” name to her kids unless her DH doesn’t care about passing his name on.

I agree if they don’t have kids it’s much less of an issue, but you don’t know your baby’s future when you’re naming it. And some people will be perfectly happy.

You made a choice that she doesn’t have. I’m not saying it always ends in tears, but I know friends who’ve been in knots about upsetting Mum because they’re going to double barrel with only Dads name on marriage. They can’t keep their whole name AND take their husband’s like their mum did, or they’d be triple barrelling - which I think we all accept is a bridge too far.

Maybe it’s because I wasn’t that attached to my maiden name, but I preferred to make that potentially difficult choose so my kids don’t have to.

Indeed, especially as, if the dad has sisters, they will apparently think their lovely birth surname is awful, hard to spell and impossible to double-barrel, and be desperate to give themselves and their children their husband’s fabulous surname.

Why don’t you research your family history of surnames and his family history of surnames and choose one you both like. Then you both change your name to that name, and your children will have that name. Then you won’t need to double barrel (they can often sound cumbersome).

They already have to do that.

There is no way to choose your child's surname/s or indeed your own names if you get married that doesn't potentially offend any GP who's so inclined, and we don't live in a society where there is one, agreed, established etiquette that removes this risk. You're talking about an ability that doesn't exist.

It's an inevitable function of living in a society where naming customs are in flux, and this is likely to be even more so by the time any child born in 2025 grows up, given the levels of babies born outside marriage and cultural diversity.

Anyone who chooses their child's surname in the belief that they're preventing them from needing to make a decision that potentially pisses someone off is mistaken.

So what’s been said upthread I think is that women who have kids should always selflessly ditch their surnames. Also that double barrelling should be avoided in case it causes potential upset (that may never happen). Regardless of the fact that many families negotiate it successfully and that it has happened successfully in Spain/ Latin America for centuries.

Funny how YOU made that difficult choice so your husband didn't have to... It's always how it goes isn't it ?
It's fine to not want to double barrel... But why does it always end with dad's name only rather than mum's ?

Anyway, OP, your solution is fine. It's also fine to just both keep your name and double barrel your kids'.

Out of curiosity I asked an AI how many children have only their mother's last name, here is the answer :

"Unfortunately, I couldn't find specific statistics on the number of children given only their mother's last name in the UK. However, it's worth noting that surname traditions vary across cultures and countries. In some European countries like Norway, research suggests that most children are still given their father's surname, with only about 2% receiving their mother's surname alone. The UK's laws and customs regarding surnames are likely to be similar, but without exact figures, it's hard to say for certain."

2%. There's some work to be done towards equality still.

Yep.

and surely they would only end up in the same position anyway? Being called selfish for considering double barrelling because their last name is important to them. It's hardly giving them some kind of choice.

Exactly.

And if the mum has brothers they are statistically likely to have kids with women with even worse/more difficult to spell names!

And if we are worshipping at the altar of male surnames alone, just to cause problems, what do lesbian parents do… use the sperm donors surname?

And just to be mischievous, following the paternalistic method I’ve thought of a way double barelling may be allowed! Parents are a biological man and a trans man? Is double barrelling allowed then, but only then?!

Exactly! Astonishing how internalised misogyny can fuck with statistics!

Aren't you worried that the vet will know that your daughter and her boyfriend aren't married?

I also hate double barrelled surnames. Once a sign of the upper classes now a sign of those unmarried and never planning to be.

My son has a different surname to me. Never. An issue. I don't see hiw it could be it's pretty normal nowadays. Only issue can ve when travelling abroad.
I agree with pp keep things simple.

What happens whe. Double barrelled surname child meets another the. 4 surnames?silly really

Hmmm the vet may indeed know they have adopted cats whilst living in sin. I don’t know the vets marital status of course.

I haven’t dared confess that one cat has a double barrelled first name too!!

Lmfao

If they marry partners who are also double barrelled would they have four names? Or select one of each? Just curious how that works.

Apologies I didn't read the full thread.

Read the thread. People have answered the other 10 people who have asked the same question that always gets asked.

I'm married and my DC's have a double barrelled surname.

It's Ellie-Mae isn't it?

Your daughter should live in shame. Poor Ellie-Mae Griffin-Jones and her unmarried parents living in sin.

Me too. And about one third of DS’s school class have married parents and both surnames.

I put double barrelled surnames in the same basket as personalised car registration plates. Both are ridiculous.

Just give your DC one or other of the parents names and be done with it.

I kept my maiden name. DC have both our surnames, double barrelled.

That says a lot about you, none of it attractive.

It's really common in some industries for women to keep their maiden name or continue to use it at work whilst having double-barrelled or husband's name legally - particularly ones where higher qualifications are involved and your name carries a reputation which is integral to the role, like law, academia, medical doctors/surgeons and engineers).

DH and I wanted the same name as our daughter so double barrelled. The reality is we tend to just use one (the shorter) which is my DH's surname and I wish we hadn't bothered! My banks are still in my Maiden name but our passports are new 🤣

It really doesn’t but feel free to think that if it makes you feel better about your choices.