Dh won’t let son wear a unisex hat that fits because it’s in was a woman’s size

[onlycoldperson]

Dh has an adidas beanie hat and ds likes to borrow it, however it’s a bit big as it’s a man’s size.
So I bought the exact same hat in a woman’s size because it was slightly smaller and it fits ds a treat but Dh won’t allow him to wear it because in his opinion he can’t wear a woman’s hat despite having the same unisex hat in men’s sizing himself.

It said women’s in the label which I cut out as it had a scissor Diagram on the label to indicate it should be cut out.
His issue is that he is not giving his son a woman’s hat despite it being unisex so it’s simply the size that stops it being the identical hat he wears.
AIBU to think this is pure misogyny? as his attitude towards him wearing something sized for a woman was that it would be demeaning for him.
I pointed out that he bought dd a football T-shirt from the boys section but he said that is different.

He is ok with his daughter wearing clothes from
the boy’s section but not his son wearing clothes from the girls’ section.

That’s misogyny.

So why the difference with his daughter.

Why are you twisting so hard to pretend this is something other than what it clearly is?

Why would you do this? You are modelling rank misogyny to your children (I know DH is too, but you don't need to add to it).
Why does your DH 'smile awkwardly' rather than speaking like an adult when you ask him about it?
Is he a tit generally?

I'd ask him if he was afraid wearing a hat with the w word would make his kid's penis fall off.

It's a fucking label.

Your husband has deeply, deeply engrained misogynistic views. He's a hypocrite who has put up a pretense for you but now you're seeing the distaste for women that is underlying his facade.

Your husband is a twat.

Well clearly he'll grown breasts and his dick will fall off. 😆

Your husband needs to grow up 🤦‍♀️

God help your DS if he grows up to be gay.

Your H is a homophobe.

@ExpressCheckout

At a very fundamental level, homophobia is misogyny.

Homophobes are fragile men who perceive gay men as feminine. They are strict defenders of the human category that bears the labels 'men' and 'masculine'. This is because they refuse to see the feminine or women as equal to the masculine or men, or worthy of respect.

The strict patrolling of what they see as manly or masculine involves excluding everything that is perceived as female or feminine.

Thanks for the polite response.

I don't completely disagree with you. I think that where some people get stuck is at the labels themselves. Labels - homophobia, misogyny, misanthropy etc., are helpful - but often only to those needing to find a word to attach to whatever is or has been done to them.

Very few people are able to comprehend, let alone address, their own homophobia, misogyny, misanthropy, etc. So simply telling someone (as PP have suggested) that they're 'sexist' (or whatever) falls on not only blocked ears, but also a 'blocked comprehension'.

It takes more than just an accusatory label to help someone realise what they are doing and why it might hurt someone else. It's often unconscious or so deeply embedded within their culture that it's impossible to see or describe, let alone understand.

In fact - as we can see with a host of famous men (and women) simply throwing a label at them and expecting them to comprehend, reflect and respond - often results in an opposite reaction. I'm sure at some level Andrew Tate revels in being called a misogynist.

He's an idiot and you're enabling him by being obsequious which really doesn't help. This needs to be sorted out before your son ends up like his hideous father.

Your husband should be ashamed of himself. Demeaning? To wear a unisex hat in a size that actually fits? I'd be disgusted with him.

Exactly this.

I work with someone who enjoys a glass of rose wine.

However his large group of male friends will simply not entertain pink wine as it has feminine connotations and they consider that demeaning.

Because women are lesser to them

Idiot.

If my husband came out with that one, I'd fall about laughing and make it very obvious how ridiculous he was being. I'd probably take care to tell his friends and relatives that he thinks you can catch gayness from a hat. If he persisted in trying to tell our child not to wear it, I'd be asking him why he's so insecure about his sexuality.

Completely misogynistic. My ex was the same - he was livid at me for allowing our toddler to have a pink toy phone

Your husband is clearly being a twit. Probably less to do with misogyny and more to do with the fact that he is homophobic. He seems to be reacting similarly to men who don't want their sons to wear "girls" colours, or do "girls" activities. It's not that he doesn't like girls, it's that he doesn't want his son to be viewed as anything other than MALE. Sadly that can come from men being insecure in their own sexuality. For all we know he was bullied for being not macho or male enough when he was a child. He may also simply be homophobic and balk at the notion of his male son wearing anything other than what he views as male clothes. That's unfortunately still a problem even though it really should be well understood at this point that even if your son wears a pink sparkly Barbie hat it won't impact his sexuality/gender in any way at all. It may impact assumptions other people make, but if people view a child negatively because of the clothes they are wearing those people shouldn't be inolved in the child's upbringing anyway.

Sounds like the hat is a unisex style and colour. Maybe he's having a weird reaction to the fact that there is a female version of a hat he thought was a "mens" hat and he's feeling uncomfortable about his own style choices. Who knows.

That said if he's having this reaction now, it rather suggests that he's had similar reactions in the past and has an issue with men being anything other than being/appearing to be very much masculine. This isn't something that just happens overnight: has he expressed homophobic views in the past? Would he permit your child to take dance lessons? etc etc. As previously mentioned this is far more a "him" problem than anything to do, really, with your child or that hat. And it's unfortunate that he has these views and is so insecure.

I'm still curious to know whether he'd allow a daughter to wear men's clothes.

The OP says, I pointed out that he bought dd a football T-shirt from the boys section but he said that is different.

I think the true bat shittery in all this is the fact that a company labels a hat - a plain grey with black lettering one at that, not pink with flowers - as "Women's" in the first place. Or the other one as "Men's". As opposed to just sizing them -xs, s, m etc. Are the "women's" beanies specially shaped for women's heads? And there was me thinking they just pulled on. Surely they should actually be bigger to accommodate all our hair? 😉 Or is it just a cynical ploy to appeal to more women? 🤷‍♀️

@onlycoldperson I think an important thing to consider with things like this is that this is one of the two people your children is learning to be an adult from. Do you want your son to grow up with the same mindset?

As others have said he's an idiot.
There was another thread about how a four year old couldn't have a pink bike and it was the one he kept picking because the dad was adamant it was a girl's bike.
Where do these men get their stupid ideas from?