Dh won’t let son wear a unisex hat that fits because it’s in was a woman’s size

[onlycoldperson]

Dh has an adidas beanie hat and ds likes to borrow it, however it’s a bit big as it’s a man’s size.
So I bought the exact same hat in a woman’s size because it was slightly smaller and it fits ds a treat but Dh won’t allow him to wear it because in his opinion he can’t wear a woman’s hat despite having the same unisex hat in men’s sizing himself.

It said women’s in the label which I cut out as it had a scissor Diagram on the label to indicate it should be cut out.
His issue is that he is not giving his son a woman’s hat despite it being unisex so it’s simply the size that stops it being the identical hat he wears.
AIBU to think this is pure misogyny? as his attitude towards him wearing something sized for a woman was that it would be demeaning for him.
I pointed out that he bought dd a football T-shirt from the boys section but he said that is different.

Your DH is a sexist arsehole. The same attitudes will be visible elsewhere if you look. He considers women to be generally lesser.

Your husband is absolutely correct op , it's obviously a gay hat. That's the only sensible conclusion to come to.

Seriously , just continue to give the hat to your son and laugh at your ridiculous husband.

It's a beanie ffs.

YANBU, but...

He's not being misogynist. He simply doesn't want his son to wear female clothes. That is not misogyny. Internalised homophobia, perhaps, but not woman-hating.

I don't think you should be too hard on him tbh.

Like many dads today, he's probably alert to the fact that his son is already exposed to a lot of the "you can be any gender you want to be" nonsense, so in his own way he's instilling some boundaries.

So, yes, he is being a bit silly, but that's it - and not misogynist.

What on Earth does he think will happen to him? It's an identical hat!

My 14 year old son wanted a football shirt whilst on holiday with his school. They had run out of Men's Small so he bought a ladies size 10. He hasn't turned into a girl!

There is absolutely no way on earth that unless he has been recently radicalised by Andrew Tate and ilk online, that a man this fragile has never shown a since ounce of misogyny before today and honestly, i know it's victim blaming and judgy and noones perfect but the fact you know it's a problem and just plan on pandering to him makes me quite angry that you are knowingly bringing your kids up with this man.

Because whenever I point out any misogyny from other men he always agrees it’s disgusting and shouldn’t be tolerated, then he comes out with this with an awkward smile as if he couldn’t possibly let him wear that knowing there’s a dark secret behind it.
I told him at the time I’ve lost any respect for him and he just denied meaning it like that.

Why be sneaky and try to scoot around the actual issue here instead of addressing it?

If he’s flipping his lid at pathetic stuff like this what would he be like if your son announced he was gay, bi, etc.

I'd understand if it was a feminine hat, but if it's just a beanie that's a bit smaller then he's definitely BU.

How would it be homophobia?? Why would you think gay men wear women's clothes?

It's misogynistic because he sees anything labeled as 'for a woman' as something that would demean his son. You would have to think there is something inherently wrong or inferior about women's clothes to believe that

I couldn't tolerate a man with such fragile masculinity, it's so weak and pathetic. However, you're with him now and presumably have been for a while and I'm guessing he must have some impressive redeeming qualities. I would be taking a stand on the hat and saying the DS is wearing it and that's that. And maybe sewing some pink lace to the bottom of all DH's jeans to help him acclimatise to 2025.

I see you also have a DD, what would happen if your DH saw your DS playing with a dolls house, My Little Pony or pushing a Baby Born doll in a pushchair. Is it only clothes that are the problem.

I’m mid 50s and wearing a French rugby World Cup cap. It’s one that is worn at other times by DH and one of my sons. No labeling other than “official merch.”

So does this make me French or a rugby player or male? I can assure you I’m female, not French (Francophile for sure). Never played rugby….

i once ordered some ski salopettes a fetching lime green thinking age 12…. Turned out to be size 12. If they’d fitted DS he’d have worn them. As it was I liked them and they fitted me, so I won!

Your DH is bonkers.

Husband/father is behaving like an idiot. Cut the label out if its causing so much of a trauma for him.

Agree with Express checkout, sounds like a degree of homophobia.
Feel sorry for your son.
I was once asked if I was gay by a work colleague because I didn't like football !?!

Your oh would die of shock if he saw my son going to school with a pink water bottle today 🤣 That he chose at age 10!

If he can't cope with the idea of a grey hat that was from the girls section.... how will he cope if your son turns out to want to do ballet, grow long hair, likes playing with dolls or the huge long list of things some people wrongly think are only for girls.

There's a lot of important conversations you need to have.

@onlycoldperson , I'm wearing socks from the boys' section in Primark. Should I be worried?

Shit, I used DH's Bulldog shower gel this morning.

Is there a helpline I can call?

I wouldn't pander to this bollocks at all.

Tell DH that he is clearly a silly arse and that DS will be wearing the hat whether he (DH) likes it or not. Add that it is extremely unlikely that DS's willy will shrivel up and drop off as a result.

Then leave him to stew and engage no further.

I have often worn unisex socks, or very occasionally borrowed a pair of DH's. Last time I looked I hadn't sprouted a willy or any bollocks.

Do they have dinosaurs on them? There's never enough dinosaur items in the girls sections 🦖

Its not really internal is it

No, but today is Friday apparently.

I got them from the boys' section because i don't do pink or purple.
(Kids' clothes are cheaper, and I fit into them)

Because some men think that if boys play with dolls or wear something pink etc that they're gay or might be turned gay.

My first thought was homophobic also, I wouldn't have thought of misogyny.

I don’t know how so many of you end up married to men like this. The misogyny is so pathetic and fragile!

I am a tall woman so sometimes will buy the men’s versions of things (such as some thermal underlays for a winter trip I was taking) to get things of the appropriate length.

I have also used men’s shower gel because I liked the smell and men’s shaving gel because it was cheaper. Only a sad sack would care.

What would you understand? That this man is a fucking idiot?

No hat is inherently feminine; there may be styles which are more commonly worn by girls but that should not prevent this LB wearing any hat he likes. He is a boy by virtue of his biology; a hat will not change that, no matter how many pretty flowers there are on it.

Dear Lord, they walk among us.

He’s not alright in the head is he? Your absolute twerp of a husband I mean.