Dh won’t let son wear a unisex hat that fits because it’s in was a woman’s size

[onlycoldperson]

Dh has an adidas beanie hat and ds likes to borrow it, however it’s a bit big as it’s a man’s size.
So I bought the exact same hat in a woman’s size because it was slightly smaller and it fits ds a treat but Dh won’t allow him to wear it because in his opinion he can’t wear a woman’s hat despite having the same unisex hat in men’s sizing himself.

It said women’s in the label which I cut out as it had a scissor Diagram on the label to indicate it should be cut out.
His issue is that he is not giving his son a woman’s hat despite it being unisex so it’s simply the size that stops it being the identical hat he wears.
AIBU to think this is pure misogyny? as his attitude towards him wearing something sized for a woman was that it would be demeaning for him.
I pointed out that he bought dd a football T-shirt from the boys section but he said that is different.

I wear men's running shoes because I have wide feet and women's in my size are too narrow. I don't run like a man. I wish I did. My DD only buys men's jumpers because she likes the extra length. No sign that she's turning into a man as a result.

Your DH has a HUGE HUGE problem.

DS used to wear one of my sun hats when he was little.. He looked really cute in it.

You shouldn’t have to pretend that you had bought a new hat

How can you possibly not get "the ick" now with your H?

My feelings would totally switch off seeing the real person

Well, you picked the wrong man. Good luck raising a good son with a dad like that. A daughter who feels like she is worth the same as a boy, when her dad behaves like this. Really… wrong man there.

I'd start buying him pink shirts to wear too.

Honestly his attitude sounds like something you'd hear from a 70 year old, not a younger person.

I wouldn't want to raise my kid with a man who speaks ill of women.

But it all depends on if he can self reflect. If he can go 'you know what, I recognise this impulse is mysoginy, I never thought of it that way before. Thank you for pointing it out'. And work on changing. Great.

Otherwise, nope, bye bye.

I suspect it's more about homophobia than misogyny, although of course the two tend to go hand-in-hand. Your husband is a shitty individual all round, really. And also thick.

Did you hear that constant gentle clapping noise coming from all directions? It’s the sound of millions of vaginas slamming shut at your husband’s utter stupidity.

And possibly a bit gay.

There’s no way I’d be doing this. Get some self respect Op.

Of COURSe its misogynist. Women's clothes are LESSER according to OP's H. If a boy wears somethign that's usually worn by a woman, this makes him look less... masculine? Less credible? Less like a boy? It's ridiculous and is based on deep seated belief that a man who could ever be mistaken for a woman or likes woman's things is less.

I will 100% guarantee that he doesn't ge tupset if his DD wears a boys cap.

Well neither of us know the DH in question, and nor can any of us read minds, so we can only guess. My guess is that it is to do with wanting his son to adhere to male gender norms, not avoid female ones because he 'hates women', if you see what I mean. The former is not misogynistic, the latter would be. I guess nobody will even know.

This reminds me of the time my DH wanted a hot water bottle so I bought him one with Snoopy on. When it arrived it had a label with “women’s secret” stitched into it, presumably for use during periods. We had a bit of a laugh about it but he was happy to use it.

A grey, unisex had seems a bit of an overreaction but I’ve been hearing a lot of this type of thing from mum friends with sons. The dads are worried that anything remotely ‘feminine’ will confuse their child somehow. (Including behaviour things like no hitting or violent shows ((I’m talking about toddlers here btw))

It just makes me wonder what a lot of men are reading on social media these days to have such regressive and stereotypical ideas around what boys and girls are allowed to do.

You laughed at him, right? Don't try to reason, just laugh at the ridiculousness. Men hate it.

^ Read my response above. We don't agree, and that's fine.

I have a young teenage son who needed a certain style of sports shoes for an activity. His feet are too big for the kids range, too small for the mens. Guess what, he now has neutral-coloured shoes from the women’s section. Husband does not care, and more importantly, son does not care either!

We also don’t care if he catches the gay either, as that is obviously what is going to happen.

Clearly he thinks his son’s penis will fall off if he wears something a woman or girl might wear.

Or he thinks his son will turn gay.

Both seem pretty unattractive traits in a man.

Is he usually this stupid/obnoxious?

So either he’s a sexist twat or a misogynistic twat.

What a prince among men.

I have very little time for desperately insecure men.

I'll bet the OP's husband likes Queen. Listen to him, son. Greatest singer ever, you wont be gay listening to that. A gay hat indeed!!

Freddie didn’t start out gay though. His mum bought him a hat which was secretly a bit homosexual and boom, next thing he’s eyeing up sequins and moustaches. You’ve been warned.

I think he'd probably blame the hat.

@ExpressCheckout wanting someone to conform to male gender norms is misogynist because it suggests that anything female is unacceptable. You might believe that's not misogyny but honestly, I don't understand how you can think that. I guess you could be thinking that wanting someone to conform to one thing (gender, religion etc) is not about bias but about keeping people in their box but frankly, I think its far more about wanting to keep people in what is believed to be a "better" box.

Funny how gender norms have been FAR More relaxed, even by super conservative people for women than for men. Coincidence? I think not. It's because allowing women to take on some more traditionally male things is okay as it's not embarassing for them to want the "better"

It reminds me of little boys in school and how horrible they were about girls. Always making out we were 'lesser than'. That we were weak, stupid, gossipy and bitchy and worthless. How I hated being a girl and wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

I suspect that's why lots of young women think they are trans today.

It wasn't the young boys fault. It was their horrible fathers. They saw how their fathers resented women. And mirrored it.

How I hoped this generation would be different.

Your boy won't be femininised by wearing a girls hat. But he will be tuned to mysoginy if he sees his father implying women are lesser than. He won't turn gay but, he may greatly hurt women. And I don't know about you but I'd rather have a son who was kind and valued girls and comfortable in whatever sexuality he had, than a women hating loser, too scared to wear a girl sized hat.

@onlycoldpersonAre you afraid of him?

Your husband is an idiot.