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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

418 replies

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:35

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
Musicalmistress · 19/05/2025 20:12

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:42

He said that she did it as he was walking away.

there are also no cctv in that room, only in the halls outside.

Show quote history

You said he was turning back to ‘say something’ in your OP so which is it?
Having been in a similar situation I reckon he was more than likely so aimed up that he was turning back for another go at the younger boy!

Oioisavaloy27 · 19/05/2025 20:12

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

Wtf do you expect her to do when your child is attacking another child? Yabvvvu

TheFallenMadonna · 19/05/2025 20:12

So, you say he "got out", then turned around and she pushed him. Did he come back in? Or had he not left, was still close to the teacher and engaging again with the younger boy he had been assaulting? Do you think she should have waited to see if he punched him again?

REDB99 · 19/05/2025 20:13

Your son should be permanently excluded for an unprovoked violent attack. I hope he is. He sounds vile. You need to seriously stop looking for someone else to blame here. It is your son and your son only who are at fault here.

MumsTheWordFact · 19/05/2025 20:13

Your son led a mob to find and assault a younger boy, he is a coward and a scumbag. You have more to worry about than a teacher lightly pushing him to stop him. Your thoughts about reporting this lady tells us all we need to know about your parenting and how he has ended up that way.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 19/05/2025 20:14

InterruptingRabbit · 19/05/2025 19:49

Aside from the fact that OP is on another planet, I cannot imagine a situation where he’s come home having assaulted someone but has the nerve to say “oh but the small female teacher pushed me”.

I imagine he knew his mother would focus on that, because I imagine she’s never bloody disciplined him ever if there was a chance to blame someone else.

This is almost certainly true. Imagine the mindset of focusing on a teacher possibly pushing him (she probably barely touched him, in reality, but it’s irrelevant) when he’s gone in and punched a child. This is a young man who has never properly been held to account for his own behaviour.

HopefulBeliever · 19/05/2025 20:14

LuckysDadsHat · 19/05/2025 19:37

Complaining about the teacher is what you have taken from this situation. Bloody hell, no wonder teachers are leaving in droves.

Forget about the teacher and deal with your violent son.

This times a million!
He went back at the boy through the teacher by your own description so more than necessary she did what she did.

The violence your son perpetrated on this other boy was unacceptable as he caused this situation to escalate.

No wonder we are screwed as a society if this is the take away.

PrincessSakura · 19/05/2025 20:14

You need to focus your energy on your child right now and what lead him to think he could behave like this? Why did he think it was ok to use such violence against a peer, who was confined and helpless, as well as bring others into the mix to cause more harm?
The teacher was most probably fuelled with adrenaline, especially if she is quite a petite woman, surrounded by strong teenage boys who just unleashed a violent attack? Why don’t you put yourself in her shoes? She was safeguarding the child that was injured.

hairyspiderleg · 19/05/2025 20:14

What a lack of respect you and your son have shown for authority.
Do you understand at all how easily you could be on here tonight saying my son punched another kid and now that kid is in the hospital,or worse, and you would be saying there was a teacher there why didn't she stop him!
Did you even consider that maybe the other boy was in isolation to protect him from your son?
Has he come home ready with his excuses as to why he did it, did he downplay what he did and make a big deal out of what a teacher had to do to defend herself and another student?
Seriously you would be so unreasonable to complain.
Take some responsibility here op.

CrushingOnRubies · 19/05/2025 20:14

You also need to be doing more than “looking into getting him help” looking into suggests having a glance in the yellow pages for a handy man for a non urgent job. Not actively and physically parenting and getting the support that your son urgently needs

Motherofacertainage · 19/05/2025 20:14

In my experience of working with teenagers, the sort of kid who is willing to assault another child in front of their head of year - in a pre meditated attack; not with the excuse they got carried away in the heat of the moment - is unlikely to respond to a calm and hands off request to stop what they are doing. 100% team teacher. You have hopefully seen from the response that YABTU. All the best of luck with your son.

Sirzy · 19/05/2025 20:14

A lot of school staff are trained in methods to safely handle children exactly for situations like this. Even with older primary aged children it can be scary to have to use them let alone when your faced for four 14 year old boys.

I hope the school is taking things a lot more seriously than you are.

Fourteenandahalf · 19/05/2025 20:14

Can you not see the child was being kept with the HOY because they were hiding him from your son? So they knew something was brewing. And they were right.

Other children are at school trying to learn. That's actually what the teacher is trying to do you know.

Nominative · 19/05/2025 20:15

He said that she did it as he was walking away.

No, he didn't. He said she did it after he turned back. In those circumstances it was entirely reasonable for her to be concerned that he turned back in order to attack again.

What on earth did your son think he was doing? Isn't he ashamed that he presented such a threat that she felt she had to push him away?

MaryGreenhill · 19/05/2025 20:15

I think you have got the right name OP

PathOfLeastResitance · 19/05/2025 20:15

Each time you’ve commented you have come back with versions of the same comment - the teacher was wrong and you are bothered about your sons actions despite pretty much everybody saying you are unreasonable, you don’t think you are. You and your son are the issue here.
You and your son are the reason why people working in schools are signed off sick.
You and your son are the reason why people leave teaching.
You and your son are the waking embodiment of the diminishing respect for professionals in the public sector.
You and your son are the problem.
I get you are worried about him and so you should be but you are definitely unreasonable to go for this teacher.

Musicalmistress · 19/05/2025 20:15

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:44

My son should not have done this.
it was absolutely unacceptable

however if she did it after he was walking away that is also not reasonable.

Show quote history

Yet again, in your OP you said he turned back to ‘say something’ so which version is he nailing to the mast before he’s having this conversation with the police?

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/05/2025 20:15

LuckysDadsHat · 19/05/2025 19:37

Complaining about the teacher is what you have taken from this situation. Bloody hell, no wonder teachers are leaving in droves.

Forget about the teacher and deal with your violent son.

Absolutely. He's a complete thug.

UtterlyQuackers · 19/05/2025 20:15

Hopefully he will be PX.

Nobody wants to have to deal with that shit or shit parenting.

Your son is violent. Focus on getting him help, not whining that a teacher pushed him. He is a violet thug beating a younger child in her care. He went looking for the student, this shows premeditation. I hope he is reported to the police.

What would you have suggested she did? Tea and cuddles?

DogPawsMud · 19/05/2025 20:16

If I were you I would be focusing your energies on what you will do when your son gets expelled. I feel sorry for the teacher and I hope she is being supported. And I feel sorry for the other boy who thought he was being kept in a safe room and instead a gang of thugs barged in. Shocking.

viques · 19/05/2025 20:16

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

But you sound as though your son and his posse of thugs putting hands on another child is not at all the same thing! The teacher was quite rightly protecting another child. For all she knew your child and his gang had intentions beyond putting hands on another child. Teachers , and children, have been stabbed by out of control children like your son, some have been killed, others seriously injured both physically, mentally and emotionally.

I hope the school throws the book at your child.https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3v9y544wq6oq6o

pimplebum · 19/05/2025 20:16

she’s not big or tall and didn’t hurt him

well there you go ! Perfect reasonable force , no harm done. …apart to the poor teacher who is as home now with large glass of wine and questioning her career options

your son will be excluded for this so start looking around for other schools and therapies and first thing tomorrow he needs to hand a written apology to her and the boy

Oioisavaloy27 · 19/05/2025 20:16

hairyspiderleg · 19/05/2025 20:14

What a lack of respect you and your son have shown for authority.
Do you understand at all how easily you could be on here tonight saying my son punched another kid and now that kid is in the hospital,or worse, and you would be saying there was a teacher there why didn't she stop him!
Did you even consider that maybe the other boy was in isolation to protect him from your son?
Has he come home ready with his excuses as to why he did it, did he downplay what he did and make a big deal out of what a teacher had to do to defend herself and another student?
Seriously you would be so unreasonable to complain.
Take some responsibility here op.

I agree with this and I hope the other parent gets the police involved.

Blueberry911 · 19/05/2025 20:16

I can see why your bratty child is how he is.

stargirl1701 · 19/05/2025 20:16

Yes, teachers can do this to break up a physical fight. I personally wouldn’t but it does come under duty of care.