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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

418 replies

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:35

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
Iloveshoes123 · 19/05/2025 20:07

I wouldn’t be a teacher for anything. Imagine having to deal with 4 angry teenagers trying to attack a younger child and then having the parent of the instigator complain because you push him because he wouldn’t leave. Some parents are beyond deluded. I wouldn’t believe much your son says op, he clearly has issues! I hope he is dealt with properly and the school stick up for this teacher and tell you where to go with your bullshit complaint.

Feelingleftoutagain · 19/05/2025 20:08

So your son and 2 friends went into a room and started trouble? You accept your son was in the wrong but you want to go after the teacher, who was in the middle of four boys. Wow, leave the teacher alone and sort your son out!

thismummydrinksgin · 19/05/2025 20:08

Yes you are u reasonable, she was in a heightened situation with two boys trying to fight. Concentrate on what’s going on with your son, make him write an apology letter to the teacher and stay in your lane.

I presume you know what happened because he told you, you have no idea if he is exaggerating or focusing on what this teacher did to him rather than dealing with what he and the other boy did wrong.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 19/05/2025 20:08

Classic little bitchplop and run OP

Musicalmistress · 19/05/2025 20:09

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

But you can bet your ass she felt threatened & intimidated if 3 teenage boys lunged into a room and attacked another pupil. So whilst your son may not have actually put hands on her by turning back into the room and coming toward her he put her in a state of fear - which could also be classed as assault. Your son could be charged with 2 lots of assault.
Put yourself in her shoes - she’d already witnessed an assault on a pupil in her care, she was on her own with 3 assailants at least one of whom is coming back towards her…what would you have done?

MalcolmMoo · 19/05/2025 20:09

This is a wind up right???? Your son sounds awful.

Crumblesandcustard · 19/05/2025 20:09

You need to give your head a wobble!

You should be thinking about the poor child who has been punched several times, by your son. But instead you are focusing on the deemed injustice of the teacher 'laying hands' on your son.
Please focus on the choices your son has made and why; your one priority should be on his behaviour to others.

TheJinxMinx · 19/05/2025 20:09

You said he was walking away then said he turned around again to say something to the other boy so clearly he had stopped walking away or she thought he was going to start again. Get out means get out not stop and exchange chats with the other friends after behaving violently. 3 kids storming a classroom what the hell is this whats wrong with children now a days and how have u as a parent let this escalate to the extent ur son is behaving like this did u really not know? Where have u been? Yet here u r trying to fault a teacher. Catch a grip of urself woman id be surprised if what ur son says is the truth to be honest especially after the way he just behaved

Magpiemayhem · 19/05/2025 20:09

Out of interest, is this purely your son's version of events? You said he turned to say something else to the boy - if he was already pumped up on enough adrenalin to punch someone, this was probably a lot more agressive/threatening than he is making it out to be.

BoleynMemories13 · 19/05/2025 20:09

Also, if this is real you seriously need to tell your son to grow a pair. Don't dish it out if he can't take it. Honestly, throwing punches but then crying "but she pushed me". It's pathetic.

A kid who is like that now will be the same adult who accuses the police of assault when they need to arrest him in the future (which will happen before long if he carries on with this attitude). Be the parent! Don't enable him by pandering to such ridiculous complaints. He needs to know his behaviour was unacceptable, period, and you will not be supporting any pathetic complaints against the poor staff who have to put up with his thuggery.

NewGoldFox · 19/05/2025 20:09

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

A child in her care was being attacked.
In the year below your son?

yabvu and sound quite frankly awful.

If I were in your shoes I would be directing my energies towards parenting the violent son.

Headycloud · 19/05/2025 20:10

Your son sounds like a little shit and you’re not allowing him to take any accountability. So no wonder he’s a little shit

daisydaisy11 · 19/05/2025 20:10

You have raised a violent thug and are now enabling him. Poor parenting. I pity the teacher. She must have been scared. You are pathetic OP

pimplebum · 19/05/2025 20:10

You should be buying her a big bunch of flowers and apologising profusely to her not reporting her !!!

she was protecting one child from being beaten by 3 !! If course she laid hard on him !!!!

if my child was the single one and she hadn’t man handled your son out of that room I’d be really annoyed with her

you are so ridiculously out if order for even thinking bad if her

I am a teacher of 30 years and only put hands on kids to protect them from harm she is a head of year so is trained , experienced and knows what she should , and should not be doing in regards her safeguarding practice

give your head a giant wobble and focus on what you really need to be focusing on !

Delphinium20 · 19/05/2025 20:10

14 year old boys can kill women with their bare hands. It's utterly shameful that you are upset at a woman who was defending herself and another kid from not one, but 4 males.

You should absolutely apologize and seriously look at parenting classes because you're growing an entitled man child who is already known to be violent.

Apologize profusely to the teacher and tell your son he's lucky he's not been arrested.

therealtrunchbull · 19/05/2025 20:10

If your delightful son and his gaggle of mates had stormed in a room to attack my DS like a pack of animals, I would be teaching you and him a lesson by finding you and battering you in front of him. One day your son is going to bully the wrong person. I hope you don’t go whinging about it when he’s on the other end.

Nominative · 19/05/2025 20:11

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:39

It is not.
im NOT okay with what my son did but im also not okay with a teacher putting her hands on my child.

i looked it up and I don’t feel it applies. She was not being attacked.

Show quote history

You said she had to push him away "from her" which clearly indicates that he was physically close to her and, as a minimum, invading her space. Also she was in a horrible position - three boys stormed in (your description) and physically attacked a younger child, and having been told to go out your son turned back. It almost certainly looked to her as if he was about to attack her or the other child again. She is certainly allowed to put her hands on a pupil to protect either herself or someone else.

I hope your son and his friends are being severely penalised..

Theroadt · 19/05/2025 20:11

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:35

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

You need to WAKE UP. Your son, with a group, has picked on a YOUNGER BOY. He doesn’t need yiu to “get him help” he needs DISCIPLINE, which the teacher was trying to enforce and clearly your son wasn’t listening. You need to back the teacher up 100%. Your reaction indicates where your son’s behavioural problems stem from - sorry to say it, but that’s my view. I hope you get if sorted.

TicketyBoo11 · 19/05/2025 20:11

Day in day out we deal with this in school. You have no idea what a battleground it can be..thanks for your support OP.

MigGril · 19/05/2025 20:12

So at 14 your son is in Year 9. I work in a school and am not very tall, virtually all the year 9 boys are taller then me and even some of the year 8's.

Imagine being confronted with 4 boys who are all taller then you and are attacking a younger student.

I'd be shit scared, she was very brave to step in and try to protect the younger child. She's probably still in shock as no one expects that sort of violence when they go to work.
She used reasonable force, and I'm afraid your probability isn't telling the truth as to what happened.

Apologies to the teacher and sort your son out, and be really grateful if the police don't become involved as he could end up with a criminal record.

NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 20:12

Throwawaymama · 19/05/2025 19:44

My son should not have done this.
it was absolutely unacceptable

however if she did it after he was walking away that is also not reasonable.

Show quote history

The only unreasonable behaviour in this case is by your son. He went in to a room with three of his mates to attack another child in front of a teacher. This in itself says he thinks he can do whatever the he'll he likes in school. The teacher was entirely within her rights to push him away (assuming he's actually telling the truth). He should be excluded, he's a danger to the other students and to the staff.

Jem96 · 19/05/2025 20:12

You’ve got much bigger issues with your son than this teacher.

If I were you, I’d be grateful the teacher stopped your son and his accomplices from getting to the other lad. I imagine he’d have been in an extremely bad way if she didn’t given the number of kids who were going to assault him. I think I read that right. They could have battered him.

I’m a teacher. It’s really upsetting breaking up a fight when on duty, even when it’s just between two kids and other staff are helping break them up.

This thread is yet another piece of evidence to explain why our children are far too often being taught by supply teachers who don’t specialise in the subject.

Shameful behaviour - from your son and you.

Butteredradish3 · 19/05/2025 20:12

Holy shit, honestly don’t understand what the hell I am reading. This is what’s wrong in the world today, zero respect from parents so why would the kids have any?! No wonder every single day it feels like we get news of another beating/stabbing/murder. Take a long hard look at yourself to figure out why your son is behaving the way he is.

DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 19/05/2025 20:12

I'm totally sure the word of your thug of a son can be trusted 🙄.

That poor teacher, no wonder they're leaving in droves. Being surrounded by a group of 14 year olds, no doubt much bigger and stronger than her and already acting violently and yet the parent (and I use that term loosely) wants to complain about her behaviour.
Let's hope he's excluded sharpish so she can feel safe in her place of work.

Tinylittlerainbowcakes · 19/05/2025 20:12

if this happened back in the day your son would have been quite rightly and literally slapped into shape, shame those rules don’t apply today. you’re the reason little boys like your own behave this way. no respect for anybody, you should be ashamed of yourself

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