WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

[Throwawaymama]

I need impartial advice in an awful situation.

my son (14) has got into a fight today at school. I am not happy about this obviously. Lots of stuff going on and I’m looking at getting him help.

There has been back and forth drama between him and another boy for the past few weeks, and today this other boy was being kept in isolation at lunch with his head of year (boy is year below so it’s a different HOY). I don’t know why but he was with her all afternoon.

my son has found out where he was and gone storming into the room with 3 of his friends (again this is NOT okay) and started to punch this boy.

here’s the bit I’m not happy with.

the head of year has forcibly got in the middle and told my son to get out - he did - but as he turned round again to say something to the other boy she has pushed him away from her and again screamed at him to get out. She’s not big or tall and she didn’t hurt him.

WIBU to complain about the teacher doing this? I thought they weren’t allowed to put hands on students?

throwaway for obvious reasons.

Unless he tries his thuggish bullying on someone a lot stronger than a small woman , in which case she could well be the parent standing outside a courtroom as a grieving mother complaining that his killer didn’t get a long enough sentence.

Parents like you are the reason I left teaching after 15 years! I really feel for this poor teacher. Do you realise that she may need therapy for PTSD after such an incident? I bet she didn't enter the profession so that she could break up fights! But that's ok because you can only selfishly think about your lout of a son!

Your thinking about this is exactly the reason your son behaves the way he does. You’d rather blame someone else than look at the real problem- your son’s violence. You’ve brought him up no consequences and an excuse for any behaviour. Shame on you

Yes. Exactly this.

Also, on whose account was your DS just turning round to say something to the other boy? You say there isn’t CCTV. Have you read the witness statements? Let me guess, it’s your DS who told you he was only turning round to “say something”. I can assure you this is very unlikely to have been the case!!! Be careful believing the crap children say to try and worm their way out of trouble. If you think your boy wouldn’t lie to you, you are wholly mistaken.

Imagine for a moment that the younger boy is your son, and 4 pathetic older boys come in to attack him. What would you have done? Would you have wanted the teacher to let them seriously hurt your son, or would you have pushed them away from him in an attempt to protect him. She put herself at risk to protect a younger child, she deserves a bloody medal. Your son needs to write her a letter of sincere apology, you also need to do the same, as parents we have responsibility for your child's actions.

You said in your original post that it was when he turned back around to say something to the victim.

If you complain, the staff will know why your son thinks he can get away with behaviour like that.

Wtf OP, your son is a bully and you're wanting to complain to the school about the teacher that protected another pupil from being beaten up by your son. What is wrong with you?

I couldn’t agree more, @F1LandoFan - the teacher was in a dangerous and scary situation, and @Throwawaymama‘s son had turned back to say something else to the other boy - he wasn’t just walking away.

His behaviour was absolutely unacceptable, and the teacher’s actions were entirely proportionate.

I’d assume your son is lying as he sounds horrible. Focus on that not the poor teacher

You are a terrible mother. You really are.

I remember a teacher physically dragging a boy off another boy who he was punching and restraining him to stop the fight. This teacher was a big tall.man..no one complained!

I wonder if OP has read all these reply’s and is taking them on board 🤔

You really need to work on your empathy, OP.
I have been the Teacher in this scenario more times than I care to remember. Some 14 year old boys are already taller than me, and the level of rage they display when intent on assaulting someone can be really quite extreme. Most people don't have to deal with this shit during their working day, so they have no concept of what it's like to feel duty-bound to put your body between two (or more!) adolescent males who are full of anger and hormones and have lost all control. In this situation, as far as i'm concerned, it is my job to protect the child who is the target (and any other children in the vicinity) and I know that the law, and the schools behaviour policy covers me so I can use reasonable force to do so. But it's still fucking scary.

You say your DS started to walk away and then turned back. Well, the teacher (not unreasonably) will have assumed that your DS was going to attempt to attack the other child again...because this happens a lot. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a child appear to calm down after going for another child, and you think it's over, only for them to suddenly turn around and go for them again.

Your DS behaved appallingly, as you acknowledge. But you're still minimising his behaviour. You say he was in a fight but what you decribe isn't a fight at all, its a co-ordinated attack. He assembled a mob basically, in order to carry out a pre-meditated assault on a younger child. In that scenario the last thing I want to do is put hands on a child, apart from anything else it incurrs additional paperwork and leaves me vulnerable to complaints from parents like yourself who are desperate to deflect attention from their own childs behaviour. But rightly or wrongly I will not stand by and allow a child to come to harm on my watch, even if it means putting myself in harms way. This Teacher clearly felt similarly and she did what she had to do in the moment. If you have any sense at all you will drop this, work with the school to support your DS and stop focusing on the wrong things.

You said he was coming back to go at the boy again...

Now the story has changed

Hmm

Wonder why your son is the way he is...

You'd be doing your son ZERO favours by complaining. If you want to save him from permanent exclusion AND arrest and probable prosecution (both of which I - a former headteacher - would be going for in this case), you need to get him to apologise and YOU need to apologise on his behalf for this APPALLING behaviour.

A female teacher had to deal ALONE with a group of thugs - and YOUR take is to want to complain about HER?

As a late 20s teacher (in 1988), I once had to wade into a fight between 2 Y10 boys, both of whom were bigger than me. I managed to separate them but was physically injured in doing so (not seriously - but it hurt and I incurred bruises).

The next day, the fathers of both boys came into school and - they were both of Bangladeshi origin - apologised. One of them cried.

Are you fucking serious! How dare you thug of a son put the teacher in that position, be a bloody parent although suspect it’ll be too late, I hope you like prison visits because that’s where he is heading if he and you don’t wind your necks in and behave like decent human beings.

WTAF is wrong with you??
Sort out your childs behaviour, enforce consequences, be a parent!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Your son is a disgrace.

If this is real, then your parenting skills and empathy levels are shocking low and your son will end up getting locked up one day.

You don't even know if the teacher did actually touch him. The word of a thuggish bully isn't worth much. Hopefully the other, younger child's parents involve the police.

You didn't bother answering an earlier poster, what have you done to punish your son?

I very much hope that this is a reverse and it’s the teacher asking the question.

Because the thought that a parent could be so massively unreasonable beggars belief!

When I was a teacher, many years ago now, I was in a similar situation to this teacher. I too was a HOY and often kept students with me for their own safety. This was a pretty feral school but still, no excuse for violence. I too had a mob of teenage boys - all bigger, stronger and taller than my 5’0” and (then) size 10.

I ended up in A&E twice after being punched - once in the face (bruised cheekbone and suspected broken nose) and once in the ribs (3 fractured ribs). I was also pushed by a girl who was might height and similar size down a flight of stairs where I ended up fracturing my wrist.

my teacher friends tell me that it has got worse since I left in 2008. But I couldn’t stay to find out as I truely believed that if I continued with my teaching career I end up disabled or dead.

The parents in all cases responded by complaining about my treatment if their little darlings ans my useless Head didn’t tell them to fuck off or defend me. So I left. needless to say the fuckers who attacked me have all spent the last decade in and out of prison.

Sadly, I can easily believe this is real. Having worked in schools for the last decade, I can tell you there has been a massive shift and it is becoming increasingly common for parents to deflect the blame for their child's disruptive and unsafe behaviours back onto schools. So many parents expect us move heaven and earth for their child and take no responsibility whatsoever.

It's exhausting.

Son has a fight.
Boys are separated.
Other boy’s head of year is talking to the boy in isolation.
Your son and three of his mates storm in and go to attack the boy.
Yet, you have an issue with the teacher for breaking up a fight where there is four boys on a younger lad.
Jesus, you have issues but the teacher protecting the boy from four boys attaching him is not one of them. How would you feel if the other lad was your son? Your son needs some serious help if he thinks this how you should sort things out.

I would expel the boy. Obviously can’t be around students or teachers