Page 10 | Daughter won’t come on holiday

OneLilacPanda · 2025-05-19T12:14:08+00:00

I have planned a holiday for my family (me, husband, son and 2 daughters). We haven’t been away together for a number of years, so I was looking forward to this trip. Everything was going fine until my daughter (25, youngest) asked to bring her partner. I don’t have anything against him, but this is a family holiday. I explained this to my daughter and she said she doesn’t want to come if she can’t bring her partner as she see’s him as family too. They’ve been together since she was 19, but live about 7 hours away so we don’t see them much. my daughter is now saying she doesn’t want to come. AIBU for thinking she doesn’t need to do everything with him and she should still come on holiday?

flipent · 19/05/2025 15:37

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

'Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?' NO!

I really don't think you're understanding! You're still trying to create a trip with just your original family unit. She wants her partner included in the family.

You can suggest something for just you and your DD. Or you can include her partner in the family.

Anything else and she will continue to pull away from you.

saraclara · 19/05/2025 15:37

If you want to have a closer relationship with your DD, you need to accept her partner into your family.

I pay for a short break for my family every year. MY DDs' partners have been invited from the moment the relationships have been serious. One is now my son in law and the other might as well be as only the lack of a piece of paper says otherwise.

I was lucky enough to marry into a wonderful family. Within a couple of months of being with my DH, he took me to visit his parents, and they welcomed me into the family wholeheartedly from day 1. I drew on their example when my DDs had boyfriends, and it's all worked out beautifully.

Fallenoutthewardrobe · 19/05/2025 15:38

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

this is just cutting her partner out again!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

FluentRedPoet · 19/05/2025 15:41

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

I think mother /daughter bonding is what it says, just you and her or with her sister as well if there is one.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/05/2025 15:41

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

Oh come on now, you can’t be seriously asking this! Of course it’s not ok.
Are you taking the piss?

socks1107 · 19/05/2025 15:41

She’s 25 and this is a long term partner. I was married with a child at that age and would have been offended if my dh wasn’t invited.
my dd is 21 and her partner came away with us a couple of years ago, I absolutely always include him as it’s important to her

justasking111 · 19/05/2025 15:43

socks1107 · 19/05/2025 15:41

She’s 25 and this is a long term partner. I was married with a child at that age and would have been offended if my dh wasn’t invited.
my dd is 21 and her partner came away with us a couple of years ago, I absolutely always include him as it’s important to her

I had two children at that age. We came as a package.

OakElmAsh · 19/05/2025 15:44

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

You really can't do a holiday (long or short) with mum, dad, all siblings and exclude the partner .... that's what we're all saying
A girls weekend is different, or just you & her

FluentRedPoet · 19/05/2025 15:45

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/05/2025 15:41

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

Oh come on now, you can’t be seriously asking this! Of course it’s not ok.
Are you taking the piss?

You have written exactly what I was thinking but was too polite to post!!

SunsetCocktails · 19/05/2025 15:45

Dunnocantthinkofone · 19/05/2025 15:41

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

Oh come on now, you can’t be seriously asking this! Of course it’s not ok.
Are you taking the piss?

Mother Daughter bonding time, with dad and all her siblings there too. Why not invite the neighbours too while you’re at it 😂

Ellephanting · 19/05/2025 15:48

I thought that this would be about a teenager, refusing to come but she’s 25!

Leave her be @OneLilacPanda she’s a grown woman.

Sassybooklover · 19/05/2025 15:48

At 25 I wasn't holidaying with my parents! If I'd been with my partner for 6 years, regardless if I lived with him or not, I'd expect the invitation to extend to him too. After all, he is her family!

Indigopetal · 19/05/2025 15:49

flipent · 19/05/2025 15:37

'Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?' NO!

I really don't think you're understanding! You're still trying to create a trip with just your original family unit. She wants her partner included in the family.

You can suggest something for just you and your DD. Or you can include her partner in the family.

Anything else and she will continue to pull away from you.

Edited

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Absolutely this. I don't understand this obsession you have of wanting to just have a nuclear family only trip. Your children are adults not children. These days are long gone.

Your daughter has made clear her partner is family. Either you include him or risk alienating your daughter. There's a world of difference between a mother and daughter trip and a whole weekend trip excluding partners.

PestoPasto · 19/05/2025 15:50

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

But that’s not a Mother/Daughter weekend is it? I would go on a girls weekend away with my Mum and sister but a full family trip away I wouldn’t really want to go on I would expect the invite to be extended to my long term partner because he’s my family too. I would decline otherwise.

I would also feel very hurt if my partners family snubbed me like that.

TheGreyQuail · 19/05/2025 15:52

FGS cut the apron strings OP, they are all adults leading adult lives. They are not children, tbh you sound very clingy.
My dm was like this when I announced I was first getting married. "He's taking my baby away." She refused to attend the wedding 6 weeks later.
I was......27 years old!

Elektra1 · 19/05/2025 15:53

I took my daughter‘s bf on holiday last summer. They’d been together a year and are at uni. At 25 and 6 years into a relationship I’d expect partners to be considered part of the family for sure.

summerscomingsoon · 19/05/2025 15:55

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

just you and her. that's the whole point. her siblings and your husband tagging along is hardly a mother and daughter bonding trip.
I'm not sure if you just genuinely don't see this or if this is a joke thread

godmum56 · 19/05/2025 15:56

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

errm you are saying you want her to come on a family holdiay and would she do it if you called it something else?

Hedgingmybetching · 19/05/2025 15:57

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

If you want to go with your partner, accept she wants to holiday with hers. If you want to do a without partners break go without yours too. Xx You consider your partner family, so does she.

MoistVonL · 19/05/2025 15:58

You are still trying to exclude her parter from your precious family unit. Don't you understand, @OneLilacPanda ? To her, he IS family. Her family, the life partner she's chosen.

You can't have your nuclear family together anymore as there are more people involved. That's part of having adult children. Accept it, embrace it, and invite the young man along with yo.

The idea of a mother daughter weekend was to build on your relationship that you said you feel has become distant. It's not a stealthy way of getting her to go away without her partner, fgs.

It's remarkable you claim your older children are prepared to ditch their partners on your say so. I wonder how those partners feel about these 'birth family only' holidays...

GinnyCat · 19/05/2025 15:59

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 15:35

Thanks everyone. It’s been helpful to think about these comments. I’ll think about how to talk to her about the holiday and apologise.

A few people have mentioned a long weekend for mother daughter bonding time which sounds nice. Do you mean just me and her or would it be okay for this to be the trip with her, her siblings and my husband?

my other children don’t mind going away without partners which is why I assumed she wouldn’t, but obviously that’s on me.

dog and bone

Jumpingthruhoops · 19/05/2025 16:00

YABU. They've been together for 6 years, not like he's a stranger.

I can totally see why she doesn't want to come but can't remotely see why his 'in-laws' wouldn't invite him. I would take it as a massive slight.

Indigopetal · 19/05/2025 16:00

I'm so glad my in-laws and parents are the opposite. Me or my husband would never hear the end of it if a partner couldn't come on a holiday! There'd be immediate suspicions something was up!

Maray1967 · 19/05/2025 16:00

I have a DS who is almost 25. I wouldn’t expect him to come on a holiday with us without his GF of almost 7 years (similar situation - they live together). He did come skiing with us without her at new year but she was invited - she couldn’t get the time off.

Franpie · 19/05/2025 16:00

When I was 25 I was living with my boyfriend who I had been with since I was 19 (he’s now my husband). There’s no way either of our parents would have invited just one of us on holiday by that point. In fact I was invited on all holidays from the get go by his parents.

And neither of us would have gone if the other hadn’t been invited. That would have been really weird.