To not expect to be derided for startling easily

[Thedeuce]

Believe me I don’t fucking like being jumpy either. I’ve always startled easily - especially if people are behind me. Yes I jump easily, I don’t like feeling scared or surprised.

Adult DS just came home whilst I was cleaning and I didn’t hear him come through the door - turned around and there’s a man behind me and yes I jumped and screamed. I know it’s fucking pathetic but he gave me the most withering look and said “exaggerate much”?

How hard is it to apologise for scaring someone regardless of if you meant to or not?

Right. The screaming is due to the startling. Hence people getting annoyed at those who startle. So, it's wearing for both parties. There must be a way to work on it and reduce your startle reflex, like you can reduce other reflexes.

Agree, could see a sketch from this with everyone screaming at each other! And very with the CT 'northern nanny' one! 😆

I don't scream, but I do startle easily. I find that the only way of hiding it is to tense up every muscle in my body as I jump and then relax it more gradually so that people don't see as much. And also apologise profusely in case people dod see,as it is my problem not anybody elses.

That boy needs to be short sheeted and have the old bucket over the door trick played on him. Fill it with glitter.

Make him apologise for the withering look and the attempt to make you feel small and stupid.

Make sure he understands how disappointed you are at his abrasiveness and lack of kindness.

Being jumpy and screaming at nothing is a disability? Are you sure?

(I have CPTSD thanks to years of child abuse, I jump and get an adrenaline rush which annoys me, but that's my problem.)

This would be a great premise for a sketch, I'm thinking Catherine Tate. A bit like the couple who find everything funny.

I jump very easily but we all just laugh it off.

@AppleDumplingWithCustard @CaptainFuture I just saw you already referenced Catherine Tate! That's funny we thought of the same thing.

It's annoying because a) it makes perfectly normal, every day interactions into a big drama and b) it means everyone around you is walking on eggshells and being made to feel guilty and apologetic when they've actually done nothing wrong. It's just a lot of fuss about nothing, which is annoying for people who don't like needless fuss and angst.

I would also be massively irritated at being expected to apologise for, as your son said, walking through a door.

If the space belongs to the person, like a bedroom or an office, I knock, even if the door is open. If it is a shared space like the kitchen I say hello.

in both scenarios I am intentionally making noise so the person hears me before they see me.

my husband who knows about my autism and my history of abuse will very kindly make his presence known very loudly from very far away.

Your startle reflex is the musculoskeletal response. Tears, screaming, falling down in hysterics - none of these things are part of a "startle reflex". So even if you do have a very refined one, that has nothing to do with behaving like an adult and having a grip on your horses.

BTW, anxiety and stress both cause a more pronounced startle reflex, so if you are actually talking about your startle reflex then you may want to revisit your view that you are not an anxious person.

He is completely out of order. If he can't understand why a woman is startled when a man comes up behind her then he is completely immature and emotionally stunted! If he can't respect you in your own home then maybe it's time he looked at moving out. If he was living with other people he would learn that you are in the right over this.

Her own son? In the home they both live in?..

My 15 y/o DS doesn't mean to but he makes me jump sometimes because he can be v quiet, I turn around and he is there, usually in the kitchen, scavenging for food. It always makes me jump.

Everywhere else in the house he noise like a rhino stuck on the bathroom!

Sorry, long day. Spelling and grammar were crap there

I startle easily, probably due to bad eyesight and PTSD from abuse. I laugh it off and so does everyone I live with, I wouldn't appreciate being made to feel small or ridiculous because of it.

Must be nice to be a big burly man and not have an instinctual reaction to being surprised by someone 3x your size.

Tell him he's wrong to be rude to his mother and he should respect women.

Sorry, he was callous to say that. Not to condone it, but maybe he doesn't quite understand that it's involuntary? I've got PTSD from being robbed at gunpoint when I was a teen and knifepoint again more recently (am South African) and I also startle easily. My husband understands. I'd be really hurt if he was mean about it or judged me.

You must be confusing me with someone else. I don't cry, scream or fall down in hysterics. I jump. And sometimes yelp. And no, I am not an anxious person. There are other causes.

I had to stop watching Ally McBeal after a couple of episodes because the character "startled" every time someone spoke to her and it was incredibly irritating, although I can't really tell you why.

Apologies - from this I had confused you with another poster

Yes, with me, presumably.
I have already mentioned that I'm not interested in your advice on 'getting a grip' and 'controlling myself'.
Human emotions and reactions are perfectly normal, and the fact that you seem to have neither is quite worrying.

Agree with all of this. My DH startles easily, I scare him almost every day just by being somewhere he apparently didn’t expect to see me. I can’t actually articulate why it’s so annoying but it drives me bananas.

Yeah don’t worry about it, I used to live in a houseshare as a uni student and one of my flatmates had a boyfriend (now husband) who was over a lot.

The way into the flat was through the patio doors in the kitchen from the courtyard. I’d be working on my laptop on the kitchen table then when they appeared I’d look up and see them and each time without fail I’d scream 😱

Their faces were so funny , they would just shake their head at me goodnaturedly and roll their eyes as if to say Hotskies will never change 😂

Almost two decades later all three of still chuckle over that.

Once a guy in a Lidl car park out of nowhere came up behind me and my friends in the dark and i screamed at him too lol but nowadays I tend to gasp and stiffen. I think screaming was my flight response and now I do more of a silent freeze response.

like this?