Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

304 replies

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 10:34

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

OP posts:
mrsmiggins78 · 19/05/2025 12:46

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:31

She had a housekeeper. Her children were adults. Someone sorted out her wardrobe, her appointments, cooked and put food in front of her.
Oh and she slept most of the weekend.

And she had famously bad relationships with her children once they had grown up

vintagedove · 19/05/2025 12:46

In what way is having a tattoo a break?

You both work full time, so why are you calling yourself the breadwinner? Rude as hell towards your husband. Yabu.

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:48

mrsmiggins78 · 19/05/2025 12:46

And she had famously bad relationships with her children once they had grown up

Yes, but I'm just countering the argument that it's possible to work, run a household, look after a young child and function on a few hours sleep.

Ponderingwindow · 19/05/2025 12:49

If you only get 2 hours of sleep in a day, even once a week and you are spending any money on anything but changing that situation, then you are unreasonable. You shouldn’t be getting a tattoo. You shouldn’t be planning a holiday. You should be using what savings you have to transition to a new work situation.

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:49

Sherararara · 19/05/2025 12:20

I know how you feel OP - I work 27 hrs a day 8 days a week and wanted a lemon muffin at Costa and DH said No.

I'm not surprised, they're well over priced.

ElBandito · 19/05/2025 12:49

I've been to America, and it was nice, but it's not worth all this shit you're putting yourself through.

TooGoodToGoto · 19/05/2025 12:49

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:48

Yes, but I'm just countering the argument that it's possible to work, run a household, look after a young child and function on a few hours sleep.

Two hours sleep, not a few!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/05/2025 12:49

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:48

Yes, but I'm just countering the argument that it's possible to work, run a household, look after a young child and function on a few hours sleep.

Looking after a child and running a household is possible on zero sleep if someone else is doing it for you...

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 19/05/2025 12:50

It makes perfect sense. I start my week on a Monday doing my day job at 7am and finish at 3pm. I pick up son at nursery, get home, wack something in the microwave for us to eat, DH gets home at 6pm, I sleep for an 2 hours before doing my evening job at 9pm and finish the next day at 6am. Then rinse and repeat at 7am the next day. Saturday, I stay up and go to bed at a normal time. Around 9pm? Same for Sunday. Then we start the crazy and unsociable hours on Monday.

…to save up spending money for the holiday to the US…..

to last us the 2 weeks we are planning to be there

Fucking hell.

Go camping for a weekend and go to bed like a normal person. You will make yourself ill.

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:50

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/05/2025 12:49

Looking after a child and running a household is possible on zero sleep if someone else is doing it for you...

Quite.

mrsmiggins78 · 19/05/2025 12:50

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:48

Yes, but I'm just countering the argument that it's possible to work, run a household, look after a young child and function on a few hours sleep.

Yes I agree - so even if you think you can get away with it, you are shoring up problems down the line

Starlight1984 · 19/05/2025 12:50

ElBandito · 19/05/2025 12:49

I've been to America, and it was nice, but it's not worth all this shit you're putting yourself through.

I've been to America, and it was nice

😂😂😂

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:51

TooGoodToGoto · 19/05/2025 12:49

Two hours sleep, not a few!

I know! Just madness.

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:52

Ponderingwindow · 19/05/2025 12:49

If you only get 2 hours of sleep in a day, even once a week and you are spending any money on anything but changing that situation, then you are unreasonable. You shouldn’t be getting a tattoo. You shouldn’t be planning a holiday. You should be using what savings you have to transition to a new work situation.

Please take this advice.
You are impacting your health and safety, and in all likelihood, that of others.

Anonymouseposter · 19/05/2025 12:52

Well you are entitled to treat yourself if you want to but your lifestyle is absolutely bonkers. I think it's strange to work like that and to spend £6000 on a holiday. Personally I would prefer to sleep. Your husband works fairly long hours in a high pressure job too and it doesn't sound a very relaxing home life for your child. It's your choice but I would be shelving the tattoo and the trip to the states and one of the jobs would be going.

Catsandcannedbeans · 19/05/2025 12:53

If you continue to have such little sleep and eat microwave meals you will have a heart attack or stroke before your tattoo heals.

converseandjeans · 19/05/2025 12:55

I think the tattoo is the least of your worries. Unless your night shift is something where you can get some rest like overnight in care home where you’re essentially on call - so not full on working all night. I would prioritise getting some work life balance over trips to America & getting tattoos. Just do a UK trip for now? I’m sure DS would prefer you both to be around more & less worn out than do a dream trip to America.

However to answer the question - it’s up to you what you spend your money on. I have no idea how much a tattoo costs. But if you earn the money to pay for it then it’s your choice.

ElBandito · 19/05/2025 12:55

@Rosscameasdoody Margaret Thatcher also developed dementia, lack of sleep is known to increase the risk of dementia

AlohaRose · 19/05/2025 12:58

I think surviving on two hours sleep a night several days each week is possibly the reason why none of this makes any sense.

Codlingmoths · 19/05/2025 12:59

I would divorce a dh who wouldn’t clean and tidy and do life stuff so your tattoo is moot to me. Is it what you want or is it you desperately trying to carve something out for yourself?

LeticiaMorales · 19/05/2025 12:59

ElBandito · 19/05/2025 12:55

@Rosscameasdoody Margaret Thatcher also developed dementia, lack of sleep is known to increase the risk of dementia

Exactly. Not a healthy lifestyle.

AnonymousBleep · 19/05/2025 13:01

Your OH is unreasonable for not stopping you from working such insane hours because you're saving to go to the US. Two hours' sleep a night is putting your own health at risk as well as your child's and that of anyone else on the road with you when you're driving. Plus I do not see how you can be doing any job effectively on next to no sleep.

TubeScreamer · 19/05/2025 13:06

You’ll be dead before you get there. No trip is worth living like this.

the tattoo is the least of the issues in all this

graceinspace999 · 19/05/2025 13:07

Chiseltip · 19/05/2025 10:47

Your post makes no sense.

You work nights but also during the day?

You say you're the "breadwinner" but your DH works full time?

When do you sleep?

How is getting a tattoo akin to "having a break" ?

You appear to be working 24 hours a day, four days a week, without any sleep, but your biggest concern is getting a tattoo?

What????

I was thinking the exact same. Getting a tattoo doesn’t seem like a nice break to me either 😣

SnugOrca · 19/05/2025 13:08

You survive on 2 hours a night?! Jeez. I have severe insomnia and live on around 3-4, more if I take sleeping pills, and I’m practically dead.

Swipe left for the next trending thread