Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

Our local Asda have a one way system now. I'm sure it's to stop shop lifters sneaking in helping themselves to the meal deals chiller. Which we pass on the way out. They have also removed stock from the lobby area. I've been reminded a few times to go in the other way.

Tell me you know nothing about ASD, anxiety, trauma, depression, introversion etc etc, without actually telling me. Saying 'it should' doesn't help when 'it isn't'.

There is no issue to address ffs! The man is doing his job. He’s not there greeting people
out of choice or creepiness. Ignore him, don’t ignore him, it’s your choice. Frankly I don’t care why someone would feel uncomfortable about it because it’s such a non-issue and the only answer is to get over it.

Christ are men just not allowed to exist? God forbid one works at a grocery store no wonder boys turn to people like Andrew Tate when woman like you would rather all men live in a cave somewhere lest they pass a woman on the street

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition

Have you read all of the replies?
There's lots of 'I'm alright Jack' replies, with no consideration of the simple fact that we don't all experience the world in the same way. Anyway, I've tried to speak up for those who might struggle, thankfully some folk have related - I'll focus on that positive. Have a good Sunday all, if you can.

How dare a man politely greet you as part of his job! Put yourself in his shoes. He's spending his day repeatedly having to cheerfully greet customers with the same phrases over and over, it does get wearing. I was going to suggest that if you can't even summon the politeness to spend 5 seconds acknowledging his existence then maybe you should look into online shopping, but you'd probably be horrified to open the door to a delivery driver saying hello to you.

He isn't checking you out. As people have already explained he's just watching out for know shoplifters. He's probably looking at you a bit more closely as you've aroused his suspicion by trying to avoid walking past him.

As someone who's worked retail/ hospitality for a number of years, we do realise that some people struggle with social interaction due to being ND etc and would never take it personally. It is always nice though when the majority of people that can do acknowledge you and complaining about this man as though he is doing something wrong is out of order.

Stores are struggling with more people ordering online.
They are trying whatever they can to encourage customers, hence the rise in allowing dogs in shops, cafes, etc.
I would imagine it could be mentally exhausting for him having to constantly interact against a sea of cold hard faces.

Oh here we go with the mental health card. I’m a neurodiverse person with a history of BPD and suicidal depression. Even I can say hello to a greeter in a shop. Even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t expect the rest of the world to fawn over me for it because mental health issues often do cause irrational thinking and reactions. I can see this even more clearly now I’m recovered and it’s not the rest of the world’s problem, it’s mine. I’m aware I’m going on a rant here but I’m really fed up of being expected to wallow in victimhood by some people in the online mental health community just because I happen to share diagnoses with them.

Have we read the same OP? He thinks she’s interested? What are you even talking about?

No stores are employing people just to be nice. He is there as a deterrent to shoplifters. The shoplifter knows that they will have to walk past someone who will be talking to them. They can't be called security because then they would need to be licenced.

I'm in Australia and most people here will thank the bus driver too it's just good manners

Actually, you're completely wrong. I'm diagnosed autistic and have been on medication for depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

I'm also in weekly therapy to help me cope in a world that's not set up for people like me, because I know that I need to be able to handle normal everyday interactions without going into a spiral of fear all the time.

What a sad reply.
Again, we are not all the same.
It is not embracing victimhood to accept that some people struggle with different things.

Don't you just wish we lived in a society where we didn't need therapy to adjust to other people's norms?
(Good luck though).

perhaps he's there to put off shoplifters?

He's not there specifically to annoy you, he's got a job to do.

Doesn’t sound like this is the right store for you.

Look, they're just trying to stop people...

Nicking things

Wearing roller skates in store

Large groups of school kids entering

It's really nothing to do with 'having an eye on you' or 'checking YOU out' 🙄

Well, sure - I wish we lived in a society where lots of things were different - but we don't, so rather than spend my life in a panic because I can't cope, I'm doing what I can to make things manageable (with adjustments where necessary).

There's no benefit to wishing your life away, or wishing that people would behave differently to make you more comfortable - life will never work that way.

Sorry, but 'really'??

you thinK of all the people he greets day in, day out, he's 'checking you out' ... he's PAID to say hello & good bye. After day 1, he's not checking anyone out. He's counting down the minutes to the end of his shift.

if you stop being so ... full of yourself, you might just be able to say hi & bye without it being such a big deal. He's not interested in anything more than doing his job

Was recognising your 'issues' a necessary part of your journey toward therapy though?
Maybe OP is at the recognising her issues stage - she isn't be unreasonable to recognise and own her feelings. That's the first step to developing coping strategies. People telling her to just do what they do, when they've never had her issues tells me that they're not willing to accept that we all experience the world in our own way, and need to develop our own coping tools. For folk on the spectrum it's sometimes draining trying to fit in, would you agree? OP isn't necessarily on the spectrum but there may be other issues she needs kindness in dealing with.

@Koalafan the thing is, nobody owes anyone kindness of understanding - that’s just the harsh reality of life.

Yes, it is hard to be neurodiverse or anxious - but other people don’t have to change their behaviour or understanding to accommodate your discomfort.

If OP is struggling then she needs to change her behaviour or perception, not expect a man doing his job to change his.

Apparently we do owe the greeter something, otherwise why is it considered rude by some to ignore him?
I don't see why it's always the ND folk having to adapt or change or get therapy, why can't we all be a bit more accommodating?

And I thought I was misantropic 😎 ! (or are we talking more misandry ?🤔)

Even I don't see it does any harm to exchange the briefest of pleasantries when acknowledging someone if - no matter how seemingly trivially - making my day easier.

Even more cringingly (for some) I cherish such tiny interactions as an opportunity to be the change I want to see and not be a dick. (Kinda one of my commandments).

So the briefest of nods and an understated "Morning" or what is appropriate costs nothing. "Thanks drive" on a bus. "Thank you, have a nice day" when being served. A nod a cursory "thank you" if someone moves aside for you.

I can't believe that I If we had more of this, we'd have less of that (points at violence everywhere).

I would write more, but it must be time to put some flowers in my hair, throw open the doors of the commune ....

You'd have to ask other people that, as I personally don't think it's rude to ignore an unwanted, unprompted interaction. However, I also don't think it should be so upsetting to respond that it prompts a thread on here.