Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

What a strange reaction.

So was he checking you out, eying you up and down?

I do understand your point. Sometimes when I am really not in the mood for interacting with any humans other than my children i just use self service checkouts.
I also like to buy shoes from places where all the sizes are out and you don't have to ask.
I haven't shopped at Lush for years for many reasons but also used to hate their in your face fake cheerful over the top customer service.
I want to be left alone when I shop unless I specifically ask for advice.
Introverts of the world unite 😂

Sadly, the world is a terrifying a hostile place for some people, others telling them that it's fine for them doesn't help. OP isn't being unreasonable to acknowledge her feelings, but she probably needs to try to work through them. I hate forced interaction, so I ignore it mostly, but apparently that makes me rude.

Same here.

I did have the odd colleague who would complain to me or get annoyed by people not saying “hi” the way they wanted even if customers acknowledged them. Those colleagues were the ones I dreaded to work with tbh.

Not to mention completely up herself

Yes, as I would. Some folk are telling her that it's easy to say hello though, just because it's easy for them.

The fact that the OP said "It would make a HUGE difference to me if it were a woman!" shows that she doesn't understand/accept that he is just doing a job and his sex is irrelevant. Her thinking seems to be that his being male automatically means that he is also a threat to her (and other women) in some way. Almost as though she thinks he got this job as a way to interact with women. That seems to be hypervigilance and not a healthy way of thinking.

What on earth are you on about? Did you actually read the OP? This is man employed by the store to greet customers. He says hello and goodbye, he will do the same to hundreds of people a day. Where do you get from the OP that the man is doing anything other than his job?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

To be honest though the OP doesn't have to say a single word to the staff member.
She can literally just walk past them.
Like probably 100s of other customers do every day.
The staff member won't really care that much.

I'm in the Midlands and I'm amazed too. It's standard for most people to say thanks as they get off.

To you perhaps. Ignore my comments if you feel happier that way.

You don't have to, but it IS rude not to.

Oh behave yourself he is not “checking you out” He is probably looking out for any identifiers so he can provide information about you if you are a shoplifter.

Please remember it's not the staff member's fault. I used to work in a shop where management suddenly decided they needed a greeter at the door. I'd be made to do this for at least 1 hour - up to 3 hours if short staffed or that day's manager decided to fuck you over. Fake cheerfulness isn't good for you - it was an absolutely soul destroying element of the job, which took me away from the job I signed up for (actually helping people/being proactive). We're not expecting you to greet us back btw.

If you do anything, please write to the shop's management to say that it comes across as fake, disingenuous, interrupting etc. But only if you'd still feel that if it were a woman. For the sake of the staff, they'll be very pleased not to be on door duty anymore!

I’ve been on plenty of Central London buses, I can recall people saying thank you to the bus drivers. It is not out of the ordinary to say thank you to the bus drivers there.

Just say "hi" and "bye". It's a polite human interaction. I'm genuinely not sure why you have a problem with this, and him being a man.

It isn't necessarily rude though, that's the thing that some folk are struggling with.

This is a you problem. You are the one feeling like you have to interact, not him. He probably couldn't care less. Stop trying to make it about him.

Really not seeing the issue.

Oh dear god, do be serious. He's not singling her out. He's paid to say hello & goodbye to ALL people going in & out.

He's not interested in her or her home life.

Why not say "I already have it, thanks." He's only doing his job.

Yes, because it should be easy for people to say hello to each other - especially when one of those people is just doing their job.

Honestly, if someone struggles to the point where they can't talk a male member of staff in a shop, they should invest in some therapy to make their lives easier.

I have just started needing to use busses, it's about 50/50 here (SE & London).

it's automatic to me, it surprises me how it's not to many others.