Male staff member in store

[Pbjsand]

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

Are you my sister who thinks everyone fancies her? 😂

Well I hope they get some help. In the meantime, the rest of society will continue to talk to each other on occaision.

I have noticed quite a few shops have someone in the door now. I think it’s to discourage shop lifting as it’s a huge problem at the moment?

Im not a very sociable person so I do find it a bit annoying, though it’s not as bad as going to Lush and someone pouncing on you trying to sell you products.

just smile and say ‘good morning/afternoon’ and move on.

This wouldn't bother me but I noticed the other day in a large branch of Marks I hadn't been in before there was a lady greeter and goodbyer at the entrance. I thought this was a bit OTT but I presume now this was so she could warn security if anyone looked like presenting an issue.

Also London is not a place just a lot of local areas adjacent to each other. My local bit is really quite friendly!

If someone is struggling to the point that they can't speak to a male staff member in a shop, they need to go and get some help.

@Pbjsand and yes he definitely isn't "checking you out".
He will also be saying hello/goodbye to the ugly, smelly, rude and obnoxious folks too.
Because. It's. His. Job.

Greeters can be annoying but all you have to do is smile to acknowledge them as you walk in.

I think it's odd that you are hung up on him being an 'unknown man'. Men are allowed to exist in customer facing roles 🤷‍♀️

Not only is this a non-issue on almost every level, it's such an insult to feminism to try, as the OP is not-so-subtly doing, to make this triviality into a feminist issue.

A shop greeter of either sex is at worst a minor annoyance, if you're in a bad mood already, but quite easily ignored. What they are emphatically not is an example of male harassment. This nonsense doesn't help anyone who's actually serious about tackling real feminist problems.

It's not rude not to interact. I get people coming through my till who don't speak during the entire encounter. The next person up will often say 'well, he/she was rude' if the person leaves without uttering a word. I will usually reply with 'perhaps they just don't feel like talking'. I have an ASD DD who dreads having to interact with shop staff, so I really don't mind if my customers don't want to speak and I don't regard it as rude any more than I would be feel it rude to not acknowledge anyone shouting 'Oy!' at me in the street.

We who work in shops really really don't care. We want you to shop. You don't have to entertain us while you're there.

Of course people can talk to each other if they want to, my point really is that some folk may struggle for reasons we don't understand. Us not understanding doesn't mean it's not real to them. Diminishing a person's worries doesn't make them magically evaporate, sadly.

I agree to a certain extent, though the reasons behind it can be complex and not always curable.
Others telling them to 'just say hello' because it's easy for them doesn't help though.

Thank you for this.
I do try my best to interact with staff, and be kind, but some days are harder than others.

Of course you’re being unseasonable here. He isn’t hounding you or forcing conversation. You don’t even need to stop walking just say hi on your way past and bye as you leave. They do this to me in m&s and I have never had to change pace to return the greeting ever. I can’t see how this is holding you up in the slightest. Maybe you have too much on and are overwhelmed so having an unwanted interaction is probably annoying you more than it should op.

Well, that sentiment applies to you too.

It's a non-issue to you, clearly it is bothering OP.

No, it doesn't. I'm not judging anyone for saying hello or not, I'm simply asking folk to remember that we're not all the same. Asking people to stop judging isn't judging.

Do people not do that?! I’m in the NW and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone get off a bus without a “thanks drive” it’s automatic

Of course people can talk to each other if they want to, my point really is that some folk may struggle for reasons we don't understand. Us not understanding doesn't mean it's not real to them. Diminishing a person's worries doesn't make them magically evaporate, sadly.

It's not really a question of doubting that some people struggle with this. It's the fact that someone has actually started a thread to ask if they are BU in having an issue with it. OP used phrases like feeling 'harassed' and 'forced' to interact.

Surely you would KNOW that yes, this is, for whatever reason, an issue for me but it's MY problem and this person is simply doing their job, they are not doing anything wrong? That in reality he is not in fact 'harassing' her or 'forcing' her to interact.

If anything, that's the bit I think someone needs help with - to be able to recognise ordinary, non-nefarious interactions. Otherwise the world will surely continue to feel like a terrifying, hostile place.

She doesn't need to say hello - she can just carry on walking.

You are coming across as condescending

Have a word with yourself…

Sounds like one for Wankernomics

Wouldn't internet shopping be better then you don't have to interact with anyone

Our local M&S has just started this-I find it very annoying and it's not just men but it just feels such forced congeniality- you absolutely have to walk by them and very full on but I suppose it is a deterrent to shoplifting. Not that there is much left to steal at this point but that is another issue.