Parents hate the Childfree

[Youstolemygoddamnhouse]

Over the past few days there have been several post regarding children for example Our new Neighbours and my loud children and To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children. in both posts there are hateful comments about Childfree people. The second post in particular never mentioned anything about childfree people but then people started making comments about them. Plenty of parents hate other children despite having them. Why do parents care so much about Childfree people and their choices? Are you jealous? Need validation? Why all the hate? Most importantly will you own up to it?

YABU - I don’t hate the childfree
YANBU - yes I hate the childfree

Are you? God, I’m not! 😂

But what point does it prove? There was no point!

Oh stop it. Up to you. Your life

You are so right. I don’t spend much time dwelling on potential negatives of my old age at all - it will be what it will be. I’m taking care of my body - and hopefully by extension my mind - and am planning to be a fiercely independent old woman.

But by referring to this one example in a family film three decades ago… what was your point?

that some parents are inconsiderate? Anything else? @KimberleyClark

Great minds!

all parents? all dog owners? That’s some sweeping generalisation. My DC are well behaved, I don’t get my holidays for free so also pay ‘good money’ for them and I don’t give a fuck whether someone else had kids (or a dog).

Good for you that you made certain decisions, other people aren’t in any way obliged to make the same ones.

So, yep, parents and dog owners these days definitely hate people they don’t perceive to be other parents or dog owners.

what a daft baffling view you have here @HoppingPavlova

Having only one child I feel sort of halfway between child free and not child free. But without all the benefits of being child free - eg. my child still impacts my freedom and career etc but when I’m old and lonely I’ll only have one to choose from and what if we don’t end up being close when she’s an adult?! 😬 maybe I should have another one….

WTF?

You most definitely aren’t “child free”

Quite, having one child is not half way between not being a parent and not being one. I ‘m always baffled when I see people on here who are ambivalent about having children being told “just have one”.

Put us out of our misery @KimberleyClark !!

Yes, you can’t be ‘slightly’ a parent. You’re as much a parent with one child as with five.

Though, in fairness to @Roxietrees, as this may be what she means, other people’s responses to me as someone longterm contentedly childfree who then had a baby at 40 often suggested that as the parent of an only child I somehow wasn’t quite enough of a parent to their mind. The same type of mildly underthinking person who thought it was ‘selfish’ to be childfree turned out, after I had DS, to think it was also ‘selfish’ to have an only child.

I concluded they couldn’t handle someone whose life looked ‘easier’ than theirs, and didn’t like being reminded that having three children, or indeed any children, is a choice, not compulsory.

@Roxietrees imagine being your child and hearing your mum say that she’s half way between being a parent and child free but with “none of the benefits” of being child free

no words

Here’s my original post, as you can see it was in response to children being taken to museums, which can be great for children as they have interactive stuff they can enjoy.

KimberleyClark · Yesterday 09:11

Unpaidviewer · Yesterday 08:58
So badly behaved toddlers and children are comparable to the Irish?
I do see some bad parenting but it tends to be the exception. I would think the issue is with you being unaccomodating if you find the behaviour of that many different children and families unacceptable.
Museums tend to be very inclusive and encourage families to visit. I take my toddler to lots of places where certain parts would be incomprehensible but he gains a lot from days out.
Show quote history
Some years ago we went to a showing of a Shakespeare film at a small independent cinema. Some people had brought their children with them and they were bored out of their brains and simply allowed to run riot. They spent the whole evening chasing each other around the cinema and up and down the central stairs. Their parents didn’t even try to control them.
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I was making the point that a Shakespeare play may nor be particularly engaging for young children, fair enough if they are older and studying it at school. Other posters did seem to get my point. If you still don’t then that is your problem not mine and I can’t help you any further. 🤷‍♀️

It wasn’t a Shakespeare play being performed at a threatened

it was a film at a cinema
PG
Described as “wholesome family fun”

thoughtless to allow them to misbehave
not thoughtless for taking

Excellent so you take one post by one individual person and instantly all parents hate child free people.

I once heard a female make a negative comment about blue cars. Why do women hate blue cars so much?

I have heard a young male make a negative comment about plants. Why do all young men hate plants?

Seriously grow up, stop trying to troll people and find something better to do with your life.

Whatever.

Yup, thought that might be your response!

Reading your comment there I think you have got it totally wrong. If we are going by your comments it is nothing to do with parents / dog owners hating people they don't perceive to be like them, it is entitled people hating those who call their entitlement out.

As parents who do keep their kids under control (mostly) and who would absolutely apologise instantly for kids putting their hands on someone else's table at dinner we are equally targeted by entitled parents who think it is ok. No I do not want your brat distracting my children while they are eating, kindly F.O and wait until they have finished before asking them to play!

So you have it totally wrong it is not parents vs the childless it is the entitled vs the rest of us.

Good point

Some kids are fascinated by the most unexpected things. I know a few kids who would have loved this movie by the age of 9. It's not a hard rule that a kid that might look 8 shouldn't be there.

Yes, this is roughly what I meant. The post was a joke for posters who said things like “no words” lol 🙄 it’s got nothing to do with how much I love and want my child! It was a joke about having none of the benefits of being child free then only having one child to choose from to wash me in the bath when I’m old! Clearly many MNers are majorly lacking a sense of humour..

I think there’s a difference between ‘hating childfree people’ and ‘giving short shrift to childfree people choosing to post on a site called Mumsnet’, no? I have absolutely no antagonism towards childfree people in the world in general.

Yikes - this is a pretty intentionally negative post either way isn't it?? The use of the term "hate" is very provocative. My thought is that most people who have a well developed sense of self couldn't care less what someone else's child-having status is, or why people choose to or not to have kids, as long as the person (and their children if applicable) are happy. So to use the term "hate" is really extreme.

My experience has been that some people who have children sometimes can't quite understand why other people who have decided they don't want children have made that decision, and force their "you'll regret it!" viewpoint. Note the number of people who ask "why don't you have children?" rather than "why do you have children?" Sometimes people lack social skills and forget (or don't care) that some people may not have children for other reasons - that it isn't a choice - and that as such their question may be really rather unpleasant (similar to someone asking why someone doesn't have a partner, or doesn't have a job, or doesn't own their own home, or has the job they have etc etc). For those people it can - depending on the situation - be worth pointing out to them if they are being particularly full-on that they probably wouldn't like it if people asked them the alternative question (i.e. "why do you have children?!" or "why are you XYZ"?) As an example: my dad's cousins are "reverse snobs" and also have loads of kids (unclear why - since they don't seem to like most of them). One of my sisters does not have children, and they have asked her multiple times before "why" she doesn't want them and what she will do when she gets older and lonely (all the normal rubbish - they seem to view children as potential caregivers); in my case they ask me why I have two cars (lol!). My usual response is to ignore them. But the last time they were visiting my parents I'd had enough and said "because I can" and also asked them why it matters to them whether or not my sister has children or not. That shut them up. Urgh.

The reasons why people feel the need to say those kinds of intrusive/negative things vary tremendously - and we aren't mindreaders so we can't know for sure why some people think it's any of their business to try to "yuck another person's yum". There are lots of well understood reasons why people may try to neg another person's choices in life: jealousy; self-esteem problems; ego problems, personality traits that mean they only feel good about themselves if they make others feel bad; a competitive need to feel "superior"; a need to validate their own choices by dismissing or negging the choices of others etc etc etc. These things all tend to share a common issue: the person being unpleasant feels insecure and isn't happy in their own sense of self.

You are exactly right - well said.