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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP’s Friday night ‘antics’ - was a line crossed?

351 replies

SarahStam · 17/05/2025 08:30

DP and I have been together for 4 years, lived together for 1.5, are engaged and ttc.

I am tracking and we agreed we’d dtd last night. He had plans to meet his friends at the pub ‘for a couple’ and would be home in good time. He drove there which he said would mean he would limit what he has to drink so he could drive home.

First issue - I was expecting him home at 9 and was still out an hour later, not replying to a text I sent. He then calls me at about 10.45 making barely any sense and clearly pissed. He asks if I can give him a lift home. Fine.

Two of his friends help him in to my car, such was his state. It’s about a 15 minute journey home and half way back, he is sick, it absolutely stunk.

We get home, I tell him to go in and clean himself up and I do what I can to clean the car (he’d have been no help) - luckily most ended up on him.

Once back inside he remembered we’d agreed to dtd. I told him that he was in no state to ‘perform’ and he said he’d try to sober up so started downing water.

I was downstairs for c.20 minutes and when I returned upstairs, he was led naked on the bed. He said he was up for dtd and almost as the words left his mouth, I heard him break wind but there was that awful sounding wet sound. He’d only followed through onto our white bedding.

I went ballistic and told him to sleep on the sofa, and I slept in the spare room.

This morning, he has said sorry and that ‘we’re all allowed an off night’. I told him I don’t accept the apology as it stands and am furious with his behaviour.

He just seems so blasé about it, he hasn’t done this before but I feel so disrespected.

OP posts:
BlondeFool · 17/05/2025 10:36

I love a drink and a party but I have NEVER puked in a car or shat the bed. Grim.

TooGoodToGoto · 17/05/2025 10:39

How long have you been TTC, planning on DTD after a couple of beers, not a good idea.

But, YANBU at being very angry about the dreadful behaviour! Disgusting!

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 10:40

F1LandoFan · 17/05/2025 08:40

This is a very unkind response. She’s asking whether she’s being reasonable for being upset. She’s not posting on her Facebook account. Be kinder FFS.

Ah right! Be kind!
I can’t imagine needing validation from an anonymous forum for thinking this behaviour crosses the line.

EastGrinstead · 17/05/2025 10:41

Blimeyblighty · 17/05/2025 08:37

Surprised at some of the reactions here. It’s obviously gross but it wouldn’t be a relationship ender for me as a one off.

Consider raising your standards.

SheGotOffThePlane · 17/05/2025 10:41

The only thing I would say here is - people will treat you the way you let them.

If you forgive him for this and continue your relationship, he knows it will be ok eventually and will do it again. It may be months or even a year down the line, but it will reoccur. Do you want to be tied to this man when he clearly thinks this isn't a big deal?

whitewineandsun · 17/05/2025 10:42

She’s asking whether she’s being reasonable for being upset.

Who would say she was unreasonable?! Seriously.

RaininSummer · 17/05/2025 10:42

Well at present I'm not sure you need a baby to add the puking and shitting. He should be seriously in the dog house.

Riaanna · 17/05/2025 10:42

Two separate issues.

Getting drunk on a TTC night no big deal.

The rest of it is vile.

kerstina · 17/05/2025 10:43

Sorry OP but if this doesn’t give you the ick nothing would. Dealbreaker for me. Don’t have a baby with him !

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 10:44

Jetsettermum · 17/05/2025 08:51

You’ve been in MN before…right? If your offended by that then this place isn’t for you 🤣

I’m disgusted. Not offended. Been here for years and it still amazes me what some women feel they should put uo with.

OneOliveZebra · 17/05/2025 10:45

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 10:44

I’m disgusted. Not offended. Been here for years and it still amazes me what some women feel they should put uo with.

Agreed x 100
I wouldn’t accept that behaviour from my child. Never mind my partner.

OneOliveZebra · 17/05/2025 10:46

whitewineandsun · 17/05/2025 10:42

She’s asking whether she’s being reasonable for being upset.

Who would say she was unreasonable?! Seriously.

Presumably the man that shitting the bed and barfing in the car

TheZippyBlueCat · 17/05/2025 10:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

rosemarble · 17/05/2025 10:46

we’re all allowed an off night

Agree, but that usually means putting usual responsibilities aside while you do something you enjoy with the people you like spending time with, while not forgetting you have a previous agreement with the person you are engaged to.

WeaselCheeks · 17/05/2025 10:46

I don't know you, op, but I'm pretty sure that you can do better than a unreliable* man who shits the bed.

*Says he'll be back for a certain time and will limit his drinking, does neither

BoiledSpuds · 17/05/2025 10:48

Imagine having kids with that.

Child: ”Mummy can we wake daddy? It’s 3pm!”
OP: “No darling, daddy’s covered in puke and poo poos again because he has no self control.”

😂😂😂

ChristmasCwtch · 17/05/2025 10:49

Has he crossed a line? The line is in the next village!! He’s so far over it, I don’t think I’d be able to come back from that… he actually shit on your bed 😳🤯😱🫣🤢

whitewineandsun · 17/05/2025 10:49

Pottedpalm · 17/05/2025 10:44

I’m disgusted. Not offended. Been here for years and it still amazes me what some women feel they should put uo with.

Same. I don't understand it.

whynotmereally · 17/05/2025 10:50

It’s really gross. Dh and I have both drank too much and thrown up in the past but never anything like that.

To me it’s his reaction rather than the loss of body control. If he had got up this morning completely mortified and cleaned it up/gone out of his way to make it up to you. And he’s amazing and this is the only time something like this has happened I’d let it go.

But the fact he has dismissed it is a worry to me. Does he genuinely think this behaviour is ok ? I’d be concerned you are seeing his true colours.

HowAmITheCatsGranny · 17/05/2025 10:50

I think an ‘off night’ might be drinking too much and maybe even throwing up in the bathroom (I know I've misjudged things before and ended up with my head down the toilet and / or a raging hangover the next day).. What you describe goes three steps past that, and would give me the permanent ick.

Stickortwigs · 17/05/2025 10:51

Blimeyblighty · 17/05/2025 08:37

Surprised at some of the reactions here. It’s obviously gross but it wouldn’t be a relationship ender for me as a one off.

I agree. OP says ‘he’s never done this before’ and if that really is the only time he’s been a drunken mess then I’d get past it.

I think lots of people have had that one shocker of a night when we have too much by accident and shown ourselves up. I’d hate to be punished in a relationship for that single indiscretion.

(As long as it really is a one off.)

Sarahstam2 · 17/05/2025 10:55

JadedVeryJaded · 17/05/2025 09:52

Where is OP anyway?

My account got blocked for some reason - not sure if there is a way to understand why.

Thanks for the replies:

-I cleaned the bedding last night, DP was in no fit state to and I didn’t want to leave it until today.

-He is going to pay for my car to be cleaned.

-We aren’t overly militant with tracking but have been trying for a while so thought it made sense to now.

SkiAndTravelTheWorldWithMyDog · 17/05/2025 10:55

With the shitting and puking sounds like you already have a baby.

ALittleBitWooo · 17/05/2025 10:58

Holy moly, I wouldn’t reconsider your future with this man after this.. it was one night and hopefully won’t happen again. I’d be annoyed but I wouldn’t have cleaned up after him, he should have done that this morning.

Bloozie · 17/05/2025 10:59

I just couldn't. On paper, it's no reason to end a relationship, but having lived through it all... I don't think I could find him attractive again.

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