Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP’s Friday night ‘antics’ - was a line crossed?

351 replies

SarahStam · 17/05/2025 08:30

DP and I have been together for 4 years, lived together for 1.5, are engaged and ttc.

I am tracking and we agreed we’d dtd last night. He had plans to meet his friends at the pub ‘for a couple’ and would be home in good time. He drove there which he said would mean he would limit what he has to drink so he could drive home.

First issue - I was expecting him home at 9 and was still out an hour later, not replying to a text I sent. He then calls me at about 10.45 making barely any sense and clearly pissed. He asks if I can give him a lift home. Fine.

Two of his friends help him in to my car, such was his state. It’s about a 15 minute journey home and half way back, he is sick, it absolutely stunk.

We get home, I tell him to go in and clean himself up and I do what I can to clean the car (he’d have been no help) - luckily most ended up on him.

Once back inside he remembered we’d agreed to dtd. I told him that he was in no state to ‘perform’ and he said he’d try to sober up so started downing water.

I was downstairs for c.20 minutes and when I returned upstairs, he was led naked on the bed. He said he was up for dtd and almost as the words left his mouth, I heard him break wind but there was that awful sounding wet sound. He’d only followed through onto our white bedding.

I went ballistic and told him to sleep on the sofa, and I slept in the spare room.

This morning, he has said sorry and that ‘we’re all allowed an off night’. I told him I don’t accept the apology as it stands and am furious with his behaviour.

He just seems so blasé about it, he hasn’t done this before but I feel so disrespected.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 17/05/2025 11:21

Wow, what a catch!
Crossed the line? The line is no longer visible.
I'd put the brakes on the ttc until you're sure this isn't who he really is.

Naunet · 17/05/2025 11:22

FFS that's grim. This man should not be a father, sorry.

twinDesill · 17/05/2025 11:23

I never comment but I beg you - don’t have a child with this person. It will only get worse. Normal people don’t have an ‘off night’ that ends with them shitting the bed. It’s disgusting. Cut your losses now, have self-respect, and move on.

Pudmyboy · 17/05/2025 11:26

lostinthesunshine · 17/05/2025 08:33

Surely you don’t want to have a child with this person.

This x 100000!

JadeSeahorse · 17/05/2025 11:31

Moier · 17/05/2025 08:50

Is there only me laughing?
It's awful for you op l know.. but l was imagining him laid naked on the bed like Bob from Rita and Sue.. saying " here l am come and have it" then farting and following through.. can't stop laughing ..
Sorry OP.. hope you kiss and make up and eventually start your family

Edited

No definitely not only you @Moier.

DH and I are on holiday at the moment and I read the post out to him - was a real struggle as I was in tears of laughter 🤣 - and the pair of us were hysterical 😂. (The worrying thing was that DH knew what was coming.😁)

I know it is far from funny for the OP and going ballistic would have been an understatement for how I would have reacted but @SarahsStam
your description was priceless.

Really hope your fiancé is majorly grovelling today and has the decency to clear both the bedding and your car.

LandSharksAnonymous · 17/05/2025 11:31

Any grown adult who is sick on himself and then shits his own bed, is not a man anyone should reproduce with.

He's lucky you let him stay the night - I'd have taken him straight to the hospital (because quite frankly, anyone in that state should receive medical attention), left him there and changed the locks the next day.

u3ername · 17/05/2025 11:32

How was he that drunk by 10:45? Are you sure drugs weren’t involved?

Lack of self awareness and self control in a father is very damaging for any child. I wouldn’t ttc with him.

MyQuirkyTraybake · 17/05/2025 11:33

You don't need to ttc - you already have a baby.

I'm not sure how I'd ever be dtd again. He's vile. I'd put this relationship down to "an off" one. If he's doing this and isn't even married I can't even begin to imagine what would happen next.

He thinks you're going to put up with this. Wild! Imagine if you did this - you'd fully expect to be dumped. Don't hesitate any longer.

ZepherinDrouhin · 17/05/2025 11:35

Fast forward 2 years and you've got a newborn crying all night, you're knackered & he's out getting hammered. Luckily for you, he has shown you your future early and you can choose to exit now.

This would be the end for me, plus there's no way I'd have children before marriage. But I especially wouldn't marry or have kids with someone like your dp. Put some boundaries in place & get some self respect and leave.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 17/05/2025 11:35

His behaviour was poor.

But why would you pursue sex with someone drunk who had been sick? That's a bit weird.

LookingAtMyBhunas · 17/05/2025 11:40

Aguinnessplease · 17/05/2025 08:37

Pretty grim behaviour, but it all depends on if it was a genuine one off, has he apologised properly, tried to make amends? etc. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes , so it’s hard to say you must LTB based solely on what you’ve described. At least he didn’t try to drive or get aggressive - that would be an immediate LTB .

I agree and I'm surprised at the comments. Christ DH has on occasion got me settled when I've been in some right drunken states, not often, maybe twice in our whole relationship. And me him.
I've never shat myself tbf but he obviously just got a bit out of control. The downing of the water is quite sweet in a way like, mate, that ship has sailed 😂

I think if it's a one off or not frequent and he's remorseful I wouldn't hammer the point.

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2025 11:41

How does this happen?

I love a drink. In my youth I definitely drank WAY too much and behaved stupidly.

But I’ve never been sick in a cab or shit the bed.

I cannot conceive of how much I’d have to drink to get like that.

Stressmode · 17/05/2025 11:42

Can you see yourself tolerating this for the rest of your life?

It would gross me out and give me the ick. Not sure I could ever see him in the same light again.

Gagagardener · 17/05/2025 11:42

Have not read the full thread. And I doubt @SarahStam will read it either. The op made me think that DP was shit-scared of the commitment he'd made.

BUT drinking too much before 'drd' is not a good idea. Excessive drinking (identified as more than a couple of drinks a week) interferes with men's fertility, and the quality of their sperms.

I have reproduced below advice from an Australian fertility advisory website.

Becoming a father is not always easy. If you are a man or if you have a body that produces sperm, drinking alcohol is linked to sexual dysfunction and research suggests it can reduce your sperm count and the quality of your sperm – two factors that can be measured in a semen test. Heavy drinking is particularly harmful.

Your Fertility - Facts About Fertility & How To Improve Your Chance

Do you want to know how to improve your sperm count and sperm quality comfortably? Here are some tips that will help you to understand more about it.

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/how-to-improve-sperm-health

LookingAtMyBhunas · 17/05/2025 11:43

JadeSeahorse · 17/05/2025 11:31

No definitely not only you @Moier.

DH and I are on holiday at the moment and I read the post out to him - was a real struggle as I was in tears of laughter 🤣 - and the pair of us were hysterical 😂. (The worrying thing was that DH knew what was coming.😁)

I know it is far from funny for the OP and going ballistic would have been an understatement for how I would have reacted but @SarahsStam
your description was priceless.

Really hope your fiancé is majorly grovelling today and has the decency to clear both the bedding and your car.

Another one who proper chuckled picturing it @Moier The fact he was trying to be so sexy and come hither 😂

TunipTheVegimal24 · 17/05/2025 11:44

The whole episode does sound really grim and annoying.

Can I ask how long you have been ttc? Mine went through a bit of a drinky spell (minus the vom and shitting himself mind), when we had been ttc a while. We both started finding it quite stressful, and started resenting running our lives round my ovulation window. Just a thought. If this is the case, maybe a discussion over better ways to manage the stress might be beneficial?

LookingAtMyBhunas · 17/05/2025 11:45

Gagagardener · 17/05/2025 11:42

Have not read the full thread. And I doubt @SarahStam will read it either. The op made me think that DP was shit-scared of the commitment he'd made.

BUT drinking too much before 'drd' is not a good idea. Excessive drinking (identified as more than a couple of drinks a week) interferes with men's fertility, and the quality of their sperms.

I have reproduced below advice from an Australian fertility advisory website.

Becoming a father is not always easy. If you are a man or if you have a body that produces sperm, drinking alcohol is linked to sexual dysfunction and research suggests it can reduce your sperm count and the quality of your sperm – two factors that can be measured in a semen test. Heavy drinking is particularly harmful.

For God's sake we don't have any indication he's a heavy drinker on the regular.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/05/2025 11:45

God, I'd have lost all desire to ''dtd'' when I saw him roll out of the pub and vomit in my car. Let alone give him time to down water etc. Surely you'd lost all libido before that?!

lurchermummy · 17/05/2025 11:46

I think a massive line was crossed - my DH has crossed a few lines in his time and I wish I had made more of a stand at the time - but he has never thrown up in the car or shit the bed. I would think long and hard about if you want to have a baby with this man. I am speaking from experience - my kids are grown up now but if I could turn back time there is behaviour that I know I should never have stood for, and I regret it - don't do the same. I understand how it feels when you're desperate for a baby but don't let your desire to be a Mum cloud your judgement - you and your baby deserve a proper man who will treat you with respect, not a man child.

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/05/2025 11:50

So after this, are you really still thinking of having a baby with him in the next several years?

StrawberryWater · 17/05/2025 11:53

Everyone is allowed an off day but to sick and shit everywhere?

Grim. I'd be rethinking everything.

ToadRage · 17/05/2025 11:55

This is the behaviour of a teenager not a grown man who is ready to be husband and father. If my husband had done that, forget the sofa he'd be sleeping in the garden in his own vomit and shit. Despite claims of similar 'antics' in his younger days, in 20 years I have never seen him in this state and i never want to. You need to think seriously if you want to bring up a child with this man-baby.

EllieEllie25 · 17/05/2025 12:00

Gross. If he’s grovellingly apologetic and has thoroughly cleaned the car, done the laundry and remade the bed, maybe. If he’s just trying to brush it off and leaving it to you to sort everything out, NO WAY should you have a child with him.

however drunk he was, he should have been able to puke out of the window instead of all down himself and your car. I bet if it was his car he would have been more careful.

SkiAndTravelTheWorldWithMyDog · 17/05/2025 12:00

BruceAndNosh · 17/05/2025 11:00

Your husband officially wins the Worst at Foreplay award

And you officially win the best comment award.

GlennCloseButNoCigar · 17/05/2025 12:01

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 17/05/2025 08:34

Sorry the vomiting and faecal incontinence on my bed would be a relationship ender for me- I’d never get past it

Me neither, I know people are sometimes very dramatic on here. But I genuinely couldn’t get past this. I’d never be able to see him in the same way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread