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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School's punishment of all boys in year 6

605 replies

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:28

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

OP posts:
Askingforafriendtoday · 19/05/2025 08:17

NestEmptying · 19/05/2025 07:00

As a former TA I would have judged the teacher for doing this.
It's completely wrong to take away a treat for 100 boys because some of them have been mean to girls. I get why they want to nip sexism in the bud but they have gone about it in totally the wrong way and may have done more harm than good.
This is the sort of thing that the Andrew Tate followers use as ammunition against feminism. It's heavy handed and unnecessary.
They could have had a lesson on respect but the girls should have been included as well and it should not have replaced something more fun. Also - Why were the girls excluded from the lesson? Don't they need to learn about how to respect people and how they should be respected? That's just as important.
This was completely wrong and I would be asking to speak to the head and possibly talking to other parents to get a combined response.

Very well said

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 10:05

Superhansrantowindsor · 19/05/2025 06:34

Interesting how the actions of one teacher have evolved into the usual teacher bashing.

This won't have ben done by "a teacher" or even a group of teachers.
In order to be able to do this it will have been planned by management.
And is just another example of how piss poor some SLTs are.

Scorchio84 · 19/05/2025 11:56

Bigfatsunandclouds · 17/05/2025 09:21

Sorry Scorchio, I don't know what this means? I wasn't having a go at teachers here.

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Thanks, it's okay I was probably being a bit overly sensitive

MonteStory · 19/05/2025 12:29

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 10:05

This won't have ben done by "a teacher" or even a group of teachers.
In order to be able to do this it will have been planned by management.
And is just another example of how piss poor some SLTs are.

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This is nonsense. I have worked in a very large primary - the 4 or so year 6 teachers could easily have planned this amongst themselves.

SHOULD SLT have known is a different question.
Should they have informed parents is also a pertinent question.

i cannot think what was going through the heads of the teachers who chose to punish 100 children on their sats celebration day.

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 12:36

MonteStory · 19/05/2025 12:29

This is nonsense. I have worked in a very large primary - the 4 or so year 6 teachers could easily have planned this amongst themselves.

SHOULD SLT have known is a different question.
Should they have informed parents is also a pertinent question.

i cannot think what was going through the heads of the teachers who chose to punish 100 children on their sats celebration day.

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Its not nonsense, Teachers should not be organising this type of punishment at all, never mind without the knowledge of the SLT.

If its the case that the teachers organised this amongst themselves then that is even worse. and shows a massive breakdown in communication and trust between the staff and the SLT.

And if that is the case I would be bringing it to the attention of the governors.

MonteStory · 19/05/2025 14:01

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 12:36

Its not nonsense, Teachers should not be organising this type of punishment at all, never mind without the knowledge of the SLT.

If its the case that the teachers organised this amongst themselves then that is even worse. and shows a massive breakdown in communication and trust between the staff and the SLT.

And if that is the case I would be bringing it to the attention of the governors.

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Right but that’s a completely different point. You said it wouldn’t have happened without SLT involvement.

i agree they shouldnt be organising mass punishments and if something is genuinely a big enough issue to affect the whole year then you’d expect SLT to have an idea of what’s going on. But at the same time, SLT should be trusting their professional staff to make their own decisions. I wouldnt work in a school which required me to run everything by SLT. But I also wouldn’t work in one that did mass punishments.

Swiftie1878 · 19/05/2025 14:08

Superhansrantowindsor · 19/05/2025 06:34

Interesting how the actions of one teacher have evolved into the usual teacher bashing.

Group punishment perhaps?

TheignT · 19/05/2025 15:15

Orangesinthebag · 18/05/2025 08:56

Why do people keep coming on here and assuming "if it was girls it would be different"?
Where is your evidence?

Tbh, there is a lack of real evidence about what happened as it is, without people making grand assertions based on their own prejudiced views.

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Well for one thing the boys are supposed to be more resilient and just shake off the unfairness but the girls aren't expected to be resilient about the boys not wanting to play football with them.

Original poster
htdt · 19/05/2025 16:07

I've spoken to the school.

All feels like some drama over nothing, although I have no idea now why my son thought he was being punished and still don't!

Apparently there were boy's activities and girl's activities and it was not meant as a punishment and they have no idea why my son would've have seen it as such...

I totally forgot to ask about the ice lollies and sweets though 😂

OP posts:
NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 16:16

That seems a bit odd given that the TA believed it was a punishment, though, does it not?

NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 16:18

Plus if they're trying to discourage sexism, having boys' activities and girls' activities seems a bit of an own goal!

Original poster
htdt · 19/05/2025 16:19

NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 16:16

That seems a bit odd given that the TA believed it was a punishment, though, does it not?

Yes, it does, I'm not sure what to think. I'm guessing that the activities were already planned for boys and girls separately and it's just there's been some communication issue around them.

OP posts:
Vanishedwillow · 19/05/2025 16:20

NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 16:16

That seems a bit odd given that the TA believed it was a punishment, though, does it not?

I don’t think she ever said the TA said it was a punishment, only that her son did nothing wrong…

Original poster
htdt · 19/05/2025 16:20

NImumconfused · 19/05/2025 16:18

Plus if they're trying to discourage sexism, having boys' activities and girls' activities seems a bit of an own goal!

It all seems rather odd to me, but I'm not sure I'm going to get much further in trying to work it out...

OP posts:
Askingforafriendtoday · 19/05/2025 16:23

I think you should follow this up mentioning the ice lollies and sweets for the girls and why your son thought it was a punishment? Might be worth asking him that too?
There seemed to be some issue re the boys banning the girls from their football games, odd

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/05/2025 16:25

That update doesn't make any sense. Both the TA and your son said the boys were being punished collectively. Some of the boys questioned the punishment and were told if they continued complaining they'd lose their break for a month. A lesson in respect doesn't sound like a "fun activity" in any case. Is someone at the school trying to rewrite history a bit? I would imagine you weren't the only parent to question what happened.

Vanishedwillow · 19/05/2025 16:27

Oh well, glad it all turned out to be a storm in a teacup! Hopefully the lollies and sweets thing was a misunderstanding too - maybe he saw a few girls coming out with them and they’d actually got them from the ice cream van after school or something.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 19/05/2025 16:58

htdt · 19/05/2025 16:20

It all seems rather odd to me, but I'm not sure I'm going to get much further in trying to work it out...

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I agree it all sounds odd - is it just your DS - and TA - who thought it was punishment?

Though it sound best to chalk it up to one of those things and move on - there's not much time left at this school anyway.

Pickingdates · 19/05/2025 17:01

Very strange.
Sounds like major backtracking to me.
What about the treats that were not given to the boys?

I think you may not have been the only unhappy parent.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 17:13

htdt · 19/05/2025 16:20

It all seems rather odd to me, but I'm not sure I'm going to get much further in trying to work it out...

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The heads been on mumsnet all weekend thinking up an answer for you OP

Wonder what lesson the girls attended?
What happened to the boys ice creams and sweets.
So many contradictions to the response you’ve been given.

sounds like nonsense to me. I think your ds would remember eating an ice cream….don’t you

Vanishedwillow · 19/05/2025 17:26

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 17:13

The heads been on mumsnet all weekend thinking up an answer for you OP

Wonder what lesson the girls attended?
What happened to the boys ice creams and sweets.
So many contradictions to the response you’ve been given.

sounds like nonsense to me. I think your ds would remember eating an ice cream….don’t you

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This is wild 😂
Do you not think, if 100 boys had really been punished in this way, there would have been a whole school conspiracy to change the version of events? That 99 other parents wouldn’t also be hopping up & down with anger?
No. It’s far more likely there has been a communication issue and misunderstanding, as the OP has stated.

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 17:35

Vanishedwillow · 19/05/2025 17:26

This is wild 😂
Do you not think, if 100 boys had really been punished in this way, there would have been a whole school conspiracy to change the version of events? That 99 other parents wouldn’t also be hopping up & down with anger?
No. It’s far more likely there has been a communication issue and misunderstanding, as the OP has stated.

Edited
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Or the OP has found out her child actually deserved it.

jenrobin · 19/05/2025 17:38

htdt · 19/05/2025 16:07

I've spoken to the school.

All feels like some drama over nothing, although I have no idea now why my son thought he was being punished and still don't!

Apparently there were boy's activities and girl's activities and it was not meant as a punishment and they have no idea why my son would've have seen it as such...

I totally forgot to ask about the ice lollies and sweets though 😂

I would say they probably forgot they promised ice lollies and sweets, or the person who took the boys for their separate activities didn't get the memo that the kids had been expecting a reward.

If it's that sort of mistake, it's a lot more understandable than deliberately separating out the genders as a punishment. However the kids who missed out would absolutely have seen it as a punishment. I've learned the hard way not that it's much easier for me to forget a treat I've promised than it is for them to forget about it 😂

Original poster
htdt · 19/05/2025 17:44

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 17:35

Or the OP has found out her child actually deserved it.

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This is the only thing I know is not the case!!

OP posts:
DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 17:56

Vanishedwillow · 19/05/2025 17:26

This is wild 😂
Do you not think, if 100 boys had really been punished in this way, there would have been a whole school conspiracy to change the version of events? That 99 other parents wouldn’t also be hopping up & down with anger?
No. It’s far more likely there has been a communication issue and misunderstanding, as the OP has stated.

Edited
Show quote history
Angry Work GIF

Maybe this happened on Friday
Maybe everyone has emailed the school ( well the boys parents anyway )
We don’t know

The answer doesn’t stack up though imo