School's punishment of all boys in year 6

[htdt]

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

Schools are really struggling with the behaviour of boys towards girls at the moment, even at primary school level.

There will be a reason why they took this collective action, and you need to speak with the head of year before 'making complaints ' or thinking that a TA has the full story.

I'm also doubting the wide eyed 'is it because I'm a boy' innocence of a Y6 aged child. That sounds like something a 5 year old would say. He will know full well why this extreme measure has taken place.

I'd look on it as a good lesson for the future for your son. Men and Women will have to suffer as a collective due to the actions of a few in this world, and that is a fact. I would imagine the lesson here is challenge or call out misogynistic behaviour by your peers, to prevent it getting to the point where a collective, group action has to be taken.

I hope you get to the bottom of it but if it’s anything like our school then I’d doubt being told the truth and would expect to be gaslighted. Ds’s school is very sexist in favour of the girls. Ds is year 5 and sick of it.
The whole class is also kept behind if just one person is messing about st home time causing parents to be late to whatever comes next. I can’t wait for the end of year 6 and to wave that school goodbye.

This is an interesting view.

How is the school "sexist" towards the boys? How does that manifest itself?

I have girls, older teens now, so I am genuinely interested in this as I obviously didn't experience it.

It hasn't got any better in in DS Senior School.

@Orangesinthebag things like the girls being allowed to talk in class but the boys being punished for doing the same. Girls can have sticks but boys can’t. Girls tell lies to stand by each other and get boys in trouble but they are believed. Guess which sex has parents on the PTA and/or governors? Some of these girls can do no wrong.

Oh my gosh! Judgemental much…I have a daughter too. I was clearly pointing out double standards in schools. Try to read the posts before responding

sounds like your the one with a problem

It doesn't matter which gender a group punishment targets, or whether the whole class is group punished. Group punishment is incredibly outdated,bleaves children feeling untrusted and a sign of icebergs ahead of the Titanic. There's no way these teachers are well trained.

I guess it depends on the setup and the school. However, I have seen similar complaints from boys/parents of boys. In two of your examples , is that boys normally end up in trouble because they pushed it too far. Talking… ALL kids talk in class tbh, however , some of them learned to be quiet about it and whisper or to choose their timing. While some boys do it too , it’s predominantly girls. So yes, Suzie might’ve been talking quietly but she wasn’t shouting out (across tables) during input, or laughing out loud or telling jokes, or literally turned around, back to the teacher while they’re explaining something important . Sticks , similar issues. Some kids will just build nests,bug hotels, dig holes etc. Again, these tend to be predominantly girls. Most of the boys will use them as guns, swords, playfight, chase each other with them, throw them at each other, use a branch instead of a stick etc. It always ends up with someone in tears , or worse.

I’ll add another example. Piggy back rides. One class all the children are banned from it. The girls did it sensibly, however the boys used to jump on each other (including when the carrier was unaware) or throw each other on the ground. The girls and the quieter boys miss out on this one, because a big number of boys in the class can’t or won’t do it properly.

It’s hard to get the boys to see there is no unfairness and it’s all driven by their own behaviour, especially when the parents buy into the same narrative. When they’ve been supportive and listened and understood, we’ve actually seen significant changes in behaviour and bans lifted.

Fair enough, and I’ve just noticed how that sounded - sorry. Some parents* *think that way (or did, at my son’s school). Clearly not you though!

I’m amazed the teacher (or head of year) didn’t tell the parents clearly what had happened at pick up time (or with a letter home).
That would have been the correct course of action. Now there is speculation, assumptions and children telling their parents a version of events which may or may not be true.

oh dear god. please do go bang your drum somewhere else. we are talking about a group of primary kids not the gaza strip fgs. it’s not a massive deal. i have boys and girls and ive got far to much to think about rather than worry about idiotic school events. The boy needs to grow up and stop being pandered to by his mother.

there’s only two genders

There are only two sexes. Gender is a load of hooey.

We may not be talking about the gaza strip.
But we are talking about boys, behaviour, toxic masculinity and andrew tate.

You may not consider it a massive deal, but telling boys to "grow up", "get over it", "stop being pandered to by his mother", all toxic traits that you and others are complaining about.

I had hoped that we had got beyond 'boys don't cry', 'boys should hide their feelings' and 'boys being mean is boys being boys'.

But no lets chase them (figuratively) down the path that pushes them towards tate and the incels that are so hated on here and then pretend that our actions had nothing to do with it.

That the head of year or headteacher (probably both) thought that this was a good idea means (IMO) that they are not fit to be in the position of power that they are in.

Some of the people on this thread actually remind me of the 'logic' that the incels use, only the other way around.

I really cannot think of any other reason why boys who were in another part of the playground from the boys playing football should be told that they deserve the same punishment as the nasty sexist footballing boys - just by virtue of also being boys.

I mean, there are a lot of scam call centres based in India - does this mean that I should be cold prejudiced towards and automatically blame all people of Indian ethnicity or heritage whom I meet in my town 'for being part of the wider problem'?

@WhenYouSayNothingAtAllI understand that but rules should be applied across the board. There are a lot of ND children in the class and rules need to be consistent to be fair otherwise what’s the point of rules at all?

oh how ridiculous. it’s not that deep. they were punished probably because of toxic masculinity. mothers shouldn’t pander to girls or boys when it comes to these situations. just let it go and let your child figure it out. This generation of parents is an absolute mess

Were they actually punished though? The OP seems quite vague on this really - it sounds more like they were given some kind of lesson relevant to boys amongst other activities.

I think post- Adolescence, and the conversation around that TV drama, schools are probably paranoid about not dealing with perceived mysogny and are worried about being accused of not calling this behaviour out and providing education around it.

If this is the case (hopefully the OP will clarify once she has found out the facts) then ALL boys should be there because it's relevant education for them all, irrespective of whether they were playing football or not etc

I hadn't expected to get so many views on this so thanks everyone, it's very interesting how there seem to be such opposed opinions on it.

I'd be happy with the school doing a lesson on respect, but I would've hoped it'd be done in a way that came across as positive rather than coming across as a punishment, which is how my son, rightly or wrongly, had taken it.

I'd also expect the school to contact me if my son was involved in any sexist or racist behaviour.

When my child comes to me upset I think I should listen to their side of the story, I'm not going to tell them they're over reacting unless I know for sure that is the case.

I won't know more until Monday, and maybe even then I won't know much more, but I will update once I've spoken to the school.

it sounds more like they were given some kind of lesson relevant to boys

Yet more sexism. Do you also think that girls should only be taught cooking, sewing and housekeeping, whilst the boys learn maths, science and English separately - so that they'll all have the skills that are 'relevant' to their future lives as either the important person in the household or as his domestic service assistant?

And going by that way of thinking, surely the girls who wanted to play football were pursuing something that wasn't relevant to or appropriate for girls - so the nasty boys who stopped them from playing were doing the right thing anyway?!

They are both collective punishment. If we bring up our kids to believe collective punishment is acceptable we deal with the consequences of those beliefs.
Kids grow up to be adults and one day will be running this country
Its a perfectly acceptable and relevant comparison

Your comment is needlessly immature and silly.

Sometimes boys and girls need to be spoken to separately. It would happen with sex ed for example.
There is a real, known problem around mysogny and boys' attitude to girls at the moment - as the conversation around Adolescence highlighted. Maybe the school's approach was heavy handed or misguided or, maybe, just maybe, they know what they're doing better than those of us speculating on a forum do.

The OP is going to update if she finds out more. It will be interesting to hear what that update is.

They aren't being given equivalent lessons taught from different perspectives - the girls are being given a promised treat and the innocent boys are losing their promised treat purely because of their sex.

It's no different from, say, if a child who had been bullying other kids happened to be black, the school responding by giving all of the black kids (including those who may have been victims of the bully) a detention to punish them for the one bully's behaviour.

Even with sex and development education, I think a lot of schools are now realising that separating the two sexes is unhelpful. They used to do that back when I was a child and, apart from anything else, it led to a generation of boys (who are now middle-aged men) with no real idea of periods and wondering what on earth girls and women were complaining and 'making a fuss' about.

It's very sad that you seem to see considering the feelings of children, empathising and hearing them out when they've been treated unfairly as 'pandering' to them.

I wonder how you would feel if you were upset about somebody's unfair treatment of you, or being blamed for something that you had no involvement with, and your spouse/partner/family/friends waved you away and told you to be quiet and run along, as they didn't want to 'pander to you' by caring about your concerns?

Ridiculous comment upthread about boys being taught STEM Subjects whilst the girls are taught cooking etc. It sounds like something from Victorian times up to 1940's maybe. Poster is not living in the world as it is, female med students outnumber males for example
The innocent boys were given a lesson on respect as a punishment...whatever next, madness.
Girls need a lesson on respect too...at my son' primary a group of girls, year 5 and 6 were ogling the boys changing for a sporting activity in their mobile classroom...if it had been vice versa parents would have been contacted, boys punished. No reprimand for the giggling girls...the young boys were humiliated, embarrassed.
OP is not pandering to her 10 year old son, she is rightly getting the truth of why this happened, supporting her upset son, and, if necessary, calling the teacher concerned to account at HT and governors level...we'll see what transpires