Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

[YourMintReader]

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why.

Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims.

She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word.

He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’

He goes to school 8am to 4pm return.

His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them.

He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm.

My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older.

It’s a really small new build development and I think I and one other house are the only housing association tenants.

Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home.

Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Yes, you've made it clear that whatever you think you or your child needs is higher than anyone else.

I don't think that way. If my child was waking at 4.30am and it was a problem for the neighbour, I'd take them out until 6am at least. Then catch up on some sleep while he's at school. I'd be awake anyway.

Yeah but you care for and love your DSS which completely changes things. Of course the neighbours suffering sleep deprivation will feel their lives are being ruined - the OP and her son are strangers who just happen to have moved next door. The two situations aren’t comparability in terms of feelings about the child involved. That’s obvious surely?

No one is saying that. But, I’m afraid everyone has a right to live in peace. That right doesn’t disappear because your NDN has a disability. People have every right to expect basic human needs to be able to met in their own home, fundamental needs like sleep. The NDN will probably be going out to work during the day so can catch up on sleep then.

We all have a responsibility to make sure our actions don’t interfere with others to such an extent basic human needs for survival aren’t being met. It’s clear that the present house does not enable OP to do this. Therefore she needs to speak to her support team to come up with solutions to sort this out, either through adaptations to her existing property or moving to a property that does.

No one, for whatever reason be causing a neighbour to lose significant amounts of sleep every night.

Im sorry the OP is this situation but this house isn’t meeting her needs, one of which is to ensure that she can live in a situation where she is not causing distress to neighbours to this level

How is it horrible and selfish to want quiet enjoyment of your own home?

I think his needs are higher than those who aren’t disabled, because they are. That’s just a fact.

Okay. Well I work FT, and don’t fancy a trip to a park in the dark at the beginning of a 17hr day, because I won’t be going back to bed while he’s at school.

In the specific case of OP, as that’s why we’re all here, I can well understand why she doesn’t want to drag her exhausted body around that park at 4am.

What most of us want to do is keep them as settled as possible until a normal hour, so it’s at least not full on from the second their eyes are open.

There's lots of things I don't want to do but I do them anyway.

That’s genuinely very good of you.

But when your life is already difficult enough, quite why you’d intentionally make it even harder is beyond me.

Taking him to the park in the early hours would also make his day longer and harder. More tiring, more meltdowns, more emotional “wobbles,” more aggression. I definitely wouldn’t consider doing that.

I do it because other people matter too. And I don't need the added difficultly of aggro neighbours as that adds stress.

I have a neighbour that told me her son couldn't help but kick the football against the fence for hours everyday. I give the same consideration I get. Funnily enough, the son can now help it. That's why I said, if you can do something it's a good idea to do it, because you may not like how the neighbour's decide to cope with something.

Why are we comparing a profoundly disabled child with virtually no understanding of the world around them to a child who is able to kick a football?

We’re different.

I had a neighbour whose kid liked playing on a rusty swing at 5am. Honestly, the squeaking.

I shut the windows, learned to tune it out, got over it.

It wasn’t my disabled child then, and I didn’t have one. That was pre-bias. Still didn’t kick up a stink about a disabled child regulating at an early hour.

Not my place to share the details of that child but it's relevant.

The annoyance is the same that is what is being compared..don’t make it something it’s not out of self righteousness

They could at the very least grease the swing though, couldn't they? That's basic consideration. As the parent of that child I'd grease the swing or get a new one that doesn't squeak.

I have to say, I'd probably sleep through it all and aren't likely to be disturbed myself. I'm not that easily disturbed and am likely roll over thinking I'm glad it's not my thing to deal with.

New builds don't have paper thin walls. The construction has to comply with Part E, for acoustic insulation.

We're in a new build and hear barely anything from our neighbours. Far less than we heard in a Victorian property from next door.

It's a terrible situation all round and @YourMintReader can't fix it. She's doing her best to mitigate

My friend is in exactly this situation. They own their own home. Presumably they couldn't afford a detached house with no immediate neighbours or they'd have done it.

They get nasty comments all the time from the neighbours. The stress they are under is extreme.

But what is the solution? Either society provides more suitable accomodation for families like this or else what. ..we go back to the old days where children would be put in institutions? We are in the middle ground right now where the families are stressed and the neighbours are upset. The only answer is people keep moving house.

I'll be honest, if my friend's family moved next to me, I would move. I can't cope with noise. I have my own needs.

It's both unacceptable that neighbours have to be impacted this way and unacceptable that families like my friend's or @YourMintReader , have no better choices.

@YourMintReader to be honest, I think you should stay. It's safe and near his school. No guarantee you won't have same issues and it's worse housing elsewhere. I'm sorry it's so difficult.

That's a fair assessment. Maybe specialist housing for these kind of situations needs to be advocated for? It's better for everyone.

Oh my god . . .

@PawsAndTails honestly, the amount it costs for residential care, families should be given money to afford detached properties or something. There must be a better way as a society. I know it's dreamland probably in this world of ours, but I wish it were so.

Or construct some state owned villages where suitable sound-proofed homes exist that can be used by families with these needs? The advantage might be also that you can have better delivery of services in a focused area and maybe better support networks of people in similar situations in the local area. It's a big ask and has heavy set up costs, but longer term, worth it.

Oh wonderful! A disabled ghetto.

Ok Mrs #bekind, you move next door to OP then and your households can keep each other awake. FFS.

Of course not, unless you're suggesting that people with disabilities are ghetto type citizens? We're talking about ordinary families with a disabled child who has special housing needs and providing that.

I'd not qualify with my disabled child, but I can see advantages if we did.

We’ve had that already on this thread, I thought it had gone.

Nothing wrong with being kind, not sure if you meant that offensively but I’m not offended.

And I would - but I don’t want to move a disabled child out of his home. Weird that!

The annoyance is most definitely not the same as it’s something that can be helped vs something that cannot