HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I've text the wrong person before and not realised until they've replied saying I don't think that was meant for me, thankfully nothing like this though. It does happen and I've heard of other people sexting the wrong person before, very awkward for all involved. How long ago was it sent, he may not have realised.

On the other hand, he could be a complete creep, I think I'd have to call him out and see what his response was in the first instance.

@Sparklybutold I am sorry to read that you experienced that. You didn't have any inkling and that person is vile for taking advantage of you.

I dont feel that I should enquire if message for me. I feel it is his job to say that, if that os the case. No follow up makes me think the worst. If I do message, that is his cue for "my mistake!" In his shoes, I would be texting, explaining and apologising. That is just who I am.

It isnt a great deal of money but helpful as a single parent. Equates to £100 per month (I declare earnkngs obviously).

I am now thinking there is no going back as if he were home, I dont know how I would feel home alone with him after this inappropriate message e.g if I had cleaned for 3 hours and he said this, what then?

I dont know if sending message to partner is "fair" on me or her but his lack of follow up makes me think I should.

Posters are writing that the conversation should be sent to his partner - I imagine that the partner would go ballistic - life wrecking consequences

Oh god, I’m so sorry but I’m crying with laughter here. The tone and subject matter are so far removed from the previous messages, and you say he’s never given you pervy or creep vibes before…just feels like it was a complete mistake.

I often send messages and then don’t check my phone for hours unless I see a message come back in. Or worse, write the damn message and wonder why the thread goes silent and when I check back a couple of weeks later, I realise I never hit send and there it is, still sat in the message box while my conversation partner is probably wondering why I dropped off the face of the earth. And then I’m too embarrassed to actually respond to them.

He might not have realised, blithely riding his bike without a care in the world, or he has and is too mortified to move right now. Just staring at his phone in horror. I absolutely would be and this is a classic example of something I would do, especially if I was talking to multiple people at the same time.

Feels too early to call it.

Jeez. Quit the job.

my 1st thought would be that it wasn’t intended for you. As to why he hasn’t realised, well it’s quite possible that he’s just not looked at his phone since.

even if it was a genuine mistake but you still feel uncomfortable then you’re well within your rights to say you won’t be cleaning anymore.

and you definitely should up your prices, to at least £18 per hour but more like £20

If he did intend to send it to OP maybe she also deserved to know she’s in a relationship with a cheating pervert.

I think he sent it by mistake due to the sudden change in tone. He may not even have realised yet that he did it.

However, I would not be going into a man's home who made me feel uncomfortable and he is clearly in that territory now. Sorry you have experienced this OP. Could you find some other cleaning clients? Around my way reliable cleaners are worth their weight in gold, everyone is always asking around for a cleaner!

The checking was before forwarding the message to his partner, as many have suggested she do.

Reporting him for what?! Whilst it is deeply inappropriate it's not crime FFS!

I really feel like this was sent in error, as it just seems so out of the blue and a different tone to other messages, or equally someone else’s has got his phone and sent this. Reminds me of when someone used to get your Facebook login and post something stupid

I'm definitely not making excuses for him. I just thought it was odd how different the tone was. I think you're right not to message him back op as that gives him an out. I don't think you should risk being in a situation where you're alone with him either. However the message was sent - whether by someone else or him - the effect on you is still the same. It's a really explicit message and I'd be hugely bothered by it too.

The partner is none of the OP’s business.

Off topic but £13 is way too cheap, especially if you are providing any materials. It's less than minimum wage by the time travel time, travel costs and insurance are taken into account.

I havent replied. He sent last two texts seconds apart 1 hour ago. No backtracking or follow up to the pervy one.

Almost certainly a mistake. You have no obligation to do anything, of course, if you simply decide to stop cleaning. However you do have an obligation to say "What?" at least before forwarding it to his partner. He may not even have noticed yet he's sent it to the wrong person if he hasn't returned to the chat with you., so the fact there is no apology forthcoming yet means nothing.

He may also, if he's 70, have frantically deleted it but for himself only and not realise that doesn't take it off your phone.

He may not realise he sent it to you

Have you sent back “???” Or similar?

She employed OP, and he made her OP’s business when he sent the message. If it is a mistake/misunderstanding then the partner has nothing to forgive and life goes on.

Without knowing anything about this guy, neither you, I or any other random person on the internet can know whether it was sent in error or not.

You just can't.

It basically comes down to how much OP needs this guy as a client and how comfortable or not they will be around him from this point onwards.

I think it was sent to you in error

But yanbu to handle it however you want to!

I would say that 'you've sent this to me in error, I think', and accept the inevitable apology.

But if you want to politely tell him that you no longer want to work with him, he'd have to understand. I would say though, maybe don't respond in a pissy way or send to his wife. Unless he's otherwise given you the creeps, I think it was an unfortunate error. xx

To me, that reads entirely as though he has messaged the wrong person. It seems intended for his other half. I wouldn’t like to be his other half receiving that, but to each their own.

If I were his cleaner I’d probably send:

’Gary, wrong recipient! 😂’ as this will give him space to style out his error.

Obviously a whole other story if he replies to say it was intentional but my gut says he has simply sent you a message intended for partner.

@GarlicPile report to whom?

The tonal shift along makes me think it was not meant for you. Logically I imagine he has not noticed he has messaged to wrong person as you haven't "dinged" his phone with a wtf. Totally belive this has been a mistake. I does happen as I have did it myself.. Only to be mortified upon realising hours or days later.

Frankly the thought of any 70 year old man sending that is pretty disturbing. Don't put yourself in the position of being in his home alone, OP. No money is worth that.

I'd reply saying "I am no longer able to clean for you, I will return the key asap". And don't forget to remind him if he owes you any money. There is NO excuse for that message at all.

He sent the message less than an hour ago then? My guess is he's wondering why his girlfriend hasn't got back to him. And he'll realise soon and die of embarassment. I'd be amazed if that was meant for you - it is so out of canter with the rest of the messages - no lead up with flirting or innuendo or anything.