Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my 6 year old buy his own water bottle?

196 replies

throweay · 14/05/2025 15:41

He is 7 in October, mature for his age.

He has lost seven (!) school jumpers this academic year. His name is in all of them, but they just go missing. Never in the lost property. He will just leave things on the floor, on benches etc.

Same with water bottles, with it being hot he obviously needs one in school every day. He has lost three since Monday last week.

Last week I bought him a new school jumper (was the only one we had, as the rest are all lost) and a water bottle. Surprise surprise, he has lost them.

I have very gently explained the importance of looking after our things, and how such things cost money. Tried to come up with strategies on how he can better look after things.

I ask him to look for them when he’s next in school, he never does.

Would I BU to get him to pay for a new water bottle with his pocket money? He gets a £1 a week and only has £7 in his account.

I feel it may be harsh, but I have tried every other way!

OP posts:
PercyFredGeorge · 14/05/2025 15:43

I would stop the pocket money … and but the Evian style bottles that can be refilled rather than expensive bottles.

Katemax82 · 14/05/2025 15:43

Can you buy a 12 pack of mineral water and let him.take one every day?

TillyTrifle · 14/05/2025 15:44

Not sure about this tbh. He’s only six but that level of losing things is extreme! Have you chatted with his teacher about the issue? I would try and implement strategies before making him spend his pocket money. At his age it’s unlikely that he will be any more able to look after the bottle he has bought himself, so it seems like a pretty pointless and age inappropriate solution to me. But I can understand your frustration!

Why not send water in disposable water bottles? Not great environmentally but you might get lucky and be able to use it a few days in a row and it’s no worse than constantly losing reusable bottles which will all be making their way to landfill.

xmasdealhunter · 14/05/2025 15:44

I'd take 50p from each set of pocket money for the next few weeks. It helps to teach the value of money if he is paying for it (but I'd buy another now so he has one!) and it's a good lesson to learn young.

OrangeCrushes · 14/05/2025 15:44

I think that as long as it is done compassionately, this would be a good application of the principal of natural consequences...but maybe give him one more chance.

Explain that you will replace the water bottle this time, but next time it will be paid for with pocket money. I don't think it's fair to totally blindside him this time, not having provided an expectation of this possible consequence.

HotDogKetchup · 14/05/2025 15:45

Do the school not have a lost property? My kid of the same age is scatty but things come back eventually. Sometimes I’ll get 3 water bottles back!

Dvdlove · 14/05/2025 15:45

How is he managing to lose all these named items? Surely if he's just "leaving" them at school they'd eventually find their way back.

Is there something else going on? DS "lost" several school branded sunhats. The ones I loved because they had good neck protection. When they reorganised the classroom, they were found stuffed behind a bookcase...they were considered nerdy (or whatever the term of the day was).

purplecorkheart · 14/05/2025 15:46

It is a bit strange that they are not turning up in lost property given the sheer volume of losses. Is he been bullied? Some other child hiding them on him?

ForRealThisTime · 14/05/2025 15:46

Are you sure he isn’t being bullied and people are taking or hiding his things?

RechargeableGnu · 14/05/2025 15:46

I would tell him to go back into school and look for these things on the day.

That really is ridiculous.

babystarsandmoon · 14/05/2025 15:47

I wouldn’t make him pay for an essential item but I would sent him into school to look for the missing ones and only replace with the cheapest ones I could find.

MetricMs · 14/05/2025 15:47

One of mine was like this. It didn’t change until he was late teens. Nothing I did changed it, he was just really bad with his things. Nothing like my other two. He is much better now, although he still loses things more than normal. I don’t think it’s fair to make a 7yo pay.

Fruitbat99 · 14/05/2025 15:47

I dont think there's anyone time for them to be looking for things in school, other than when he's stood at his peg maybe

randomchap · 14/05/2025 15:49

"gently explained"?

How about an actual telling off and some consequences for losing things. I get that you can lose things occasionally but 7 jumpers and multiple water bottles? He needs consequences

NoHardSelling · 14/05/2025 15:51

You can’t make a seven-year-old pay.

This is quite extreme losing of items. What do the teachers say? Does he struggle with focus generally? I would be wanting to explore things a bit more before making a young child who has no income, pay for this item.

Dreichweather · 14/05/2025 15:53

My oldest was like that at that age but we have other concern. Later she really she is autistic and issues with organisation.

lifemakeover · 14/05/2025 15:55

This seems very extreme. Is there something else going on at school?

What happens at the end of the day - who picks him up from school? Are you doing a quick checklist with him at pick up - jumper, book bag, PE kit, water bottle etc? If anything is missing he needs to go back and find it. This is likely to be more effective in helping him become more organised, as it's annoying for him when he probably wants to get home or play etc. Plus it makes him responsible for it. At the moment, he loses stuff and it gets replaced with very little impact on him. I don't think the financial impact will have the same effect as he's so young (unless he's really into saving up for things).

caringcarer · 14/05/2025 15:57

My foster son lost things this frequently including 2 coats in one year 6 or 7 sweatshirts with school logo on, all had his name on tag sewn in. He constantly told me he'd lost his pencil case with all equipment in etc. only thing that helped was to write his initials in nail varnish on to his water bottles l, pencil cases etc in large letters in bright red. FS had SN's. If he really can't help it I think it's unfair to punish him for it. I just used to take money from his DLA to replace as part of his condition and I thought that was what money was for. Difficult if your DS doesn't get DLA. Do you think he has any SN's? Maybe you could show him some money for treats like ice cream etc then tell him, show him some of that money having to be spent on replacement items. I really do understand how frustrating it is when every week something goes missing. Also ask teacher/TA to remind him to put clothes on his peg/ in drawer or tie them around his waste if he doesn't want to wear them.

Roselilly36 · 14/05/2025 15:57

I can remember this well with my two DS’ when they were at school, DS1 managed to lose 3 PE kits in one week, so I can get the frustration. I was forever looking through the grim lost property dustbins, so I get it. But he’s so little, I wouldn’t punish him, I would go into school and ask him to look for the missing items with him. Good luck.

Cosyblankets · 14/05/2025 15:58

ForRealThisTime · 14/05/2025 15:46

Are you sure he isn’t being bullied and people are taking or hiding his things?

That's my thought

TheKeatingFive · 14/05/2025 15:58

I have one like this. I don't think making them spend their own money makes any difference. They just don't have the capacity to keep track of stuff.

I'd just switch to disposable.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2025 15:58

Have you contacted the school office to try to see if they can be found? Has he even tried to find the items? This would be something I’d try sooner than replaces with his money or yours.

Im on the fence. My ADHD 11 yo loses things a lot - in fact what has helped is him having got a very desirable water bottle as part of his Christmas present which he’s very keen not to lose! So many some sense in making him realise there’s a consequence of losing them - but then your son is a lot younger than mine!

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 14/05/2025 15:59

purplecorkheart · 14/05/2025 15:46

It is a bit strange that they are not turning up in lost property given the sheer volume of losses. Is he been bullied? Some other child hiding them on him?

That’s what I was thinking. Labelled clothes don’t normally disappear entirely.

bugaboo218 · 14/05/2025 16:00

I think if it is done compassionately and you have a conversation about the boundaries and expectations before you take any money then I do not see the issue.

I had to do this myself with DD in year 3 because I got so fed up with her carelessness and constantly losing school things. Logo cardigans, fancy water bottle, nice pencil case and even her school rucksack. All were named with her name.

I told her what would happen, if she lost another cardi or bottle after already replacing 3 of each within a month.

I did order a few very basic water bottles online and got a replacement cardi in school colours and took £1 from her pocket money until she had saved enough for a fancy water bottle.

DD absolutely hated taking in a plain water bottle, but she did learn from it, when she had to pay herself to buy another fancy water bottle.

Fieldsandfireflies · 14/05/2025 16:00

This doesn't sound like him just being careless as it's very extreme. It sounds like he has organisational issues, have you noticed he struggles in other areas?

Rather than punishing (I realise you must be at your wits end replacing everything all the time) speak to his teacher about implementing some strategies for him to help remember his bottle and jumper.

Do you pick him up from school? Are you able to then go and look with him for his bits?

His water bottle should only be in the classroom unless for pe, water is normally given at lunchtime.