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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my 6 year old buy his own water bottle?

196 replies

throweay · 14/05/2025 15:41

He is 7 in October, mature for his age.

He has lost seven (!) school jumpers this academic year. His name is in all of them, but they just go missing. Never in the lost property. He will just leave things on the floor, on benches etc.

Same with water bottles, with it being hot he obviously needs one in school every day. He has lost three since Monday last week.

Last week I bought him a new school jumper (was the only one we had, as the rest are all lost) and a water bottle. Surprise surprise, he has lost them.

I have very gently explained the importance of looking after our things, and how such things cost money. Tried to come up with strategies on how he can better look after things.

I ask him to look for them when he’s next in school, he never does.

Would I BU to get him to pay for a new water bottle with his pocket money? He gets a £1 a week and only has £7 in his account.

I feel it may be harsh, but I have tried every other way!

OP posts:
MellersSmellers · 15/05/2025 20:06

babystarsandmoon · 14/05/2025 15:47

I wouldn’t make him pay for an essential item but I would sent him into school to look for the missing ones and only replace with the cheapest ones I could find.

Agree.
Buy one plastic bottle of water and refill it daily.
And check each day that he has his jumper- if not, back inside he goes to hunt for it.
That level of loss/cost is unacceptable!

Psychologymam · 15/05/2025 20:09

Are you sure no one is taking them? It doesn’t seem right that they never get to lost and found and it’s just school items he is losing? That would be red flag for me and I’d liaise with school.

Odras · 15/05/2025 20:14

i think I’d be more querying the school! I assume you are labelling the water bottles. I keep a sharpie at home and they don’t go to school without their name all over everything. One of them is very bad for losing things, but I have a very large distinctive water bottle for him with a few name labels all over it so it always comes back to us. We’ve had this one 6 months which is a record for us.

I think I’d be more for giving him strategies for minding his stuff. I tell my kids whenever you are moving to a different place, look back at where you were, think what did you have with you. When you pick him up from school get him to do a check of his stuff right there. Start getting him to pack up in the morning and tick off that he needs. Practice with him outside of school, that he is to pick up his own stuff worn you are moving from place to place. These are things that, long term, will help him keep himself organised.

Todaywasbetter · 15/05/2025 20:15

You say he's mature perhaps he's selling them - branson started young

Happhappyhappy · 15/05/2025 20:36

My daughter was like this and it was exasperating. School jumpers constantly left and never found! The only thing that helped was a rule that she couldn’t have pudding or treats until the jumper was brought home. It stopped her being so careless because there were realtime repercussions.

Sweatytrainers · 15/05/2025 20:57

My daughter used to repeatedly lose water bottles etc. Turns out it was her dyslexia - memory problems can be part of it. It was hard not to get angry when things got repeatedly lost and cost so much money to replace but it’s hard to be cross with someone doing their best. Perhaps this isn’t your scenario at all but I wanted to highlight that it might not simply be a lack of care.

My daughter is 17 now and has strategies she’s put in place to help…it was a frustrating few years though and we never wanted to buy the ‘nice’ things she wanted because we knew they’d just get lost 😞

Iceboy80 · 15/05/2025 20:58

Totally agree, if you take it off him he will learn to look after things better as it will affect him and show that no looking after his things will have consequences for him.

I would definitely stop his pocket money until he learns.

SailingYachty · 15/05/2025 21:19

At pick up the first things I ask are ‘do you have your jumper, do you have your water bottle’ and if the answer to either is no, then back into the classroom they go!

If it’s this many jumpers and water bottles the teacher must have a stack of them somewhere! Ask to go through them, there’s no way I’d be giving up on this many items.

changeme4this · 15/05/2025 21:35

I’m another one who thinks it’s possible they are being taken from him, esp as the teacher isn’t finding them left behind or in lost property.

I would be visiting school and sorting that out before penalising him. He probably feels he cannot tell you

wellington77 · 15/05/2025 21:38

Have you asked school for them to look? Also just be careful it’s not other children taking it. I had a girl I taught a few years ago who was a kleptomaniac- I found 20 glue sticks in her bag once!

SheridansPortSalut · 15/05/2025 21:40

It won't work.

He's not losing them on purpose.

TwinklySquid · 15/05/2025 22:47

I got my daughter to “buy” her own jumpers. She was loosing so many. Funnily enough, once she had to pay, she’s stopped loosing her stuff.

Barnbrack · 15/05/2025 22:52

He's 6, check he has the bottle after school, go in and look for it, ask his teacher. He needs more supervision

WhatMyNameis · 15/05/2025 23:01

That child would not be coming out of the school gates without his things, if we were there until they were locking the gates.

Gently told him 🙄

Dontlletmedownbruce · 15/05/2025 23:03

I would think the best natural consequence lesson would be to not buy another water bottle and he can have a day or two with none. Then get him a new one on the understanding that he won't get a new one until next month.

I made a 'ready to go' checklist for my kids, a picture of coat, a shoe, a bag etc. When it was time to go I would just hand them the list and they got what they needed, I never had to ask anyone where their shoes were again. Maybe a variation of this, a visual aid. It could be a picture attached to his bag or I'm sure teacher could help by handing it to him at home time and he checks he has everything. As far as I know people who are disorganised are often visual learners so a visual prompt would work better than verbal reminders.

GeorgianaM · 15/05/2025 23:03

Are you sure he isn’t giving them away or is pressured into handing them over?

The only time mine lost anything at school was a hat my daughter sneaked in and it was stolen by an older child and a sweatshirt that she gave to another child as the child was cold! 🙄

Lighteningstrikes · 15/05/2025 23:05

He might possibly have adhd.
It’s really worth researching the symptoms,

VenusClapTrap · 15/05/2025 23:07

My ds is the same. Hes dyspraxic and constantly losing his stuff. It is exasperating. He’s 13 now, and only marginally better. The first term of secondary school was an absolute shitshow, with all the new stuff to remember - geometry kit, calculator, door pass, subject folders, different sports items… oh my god it was an endless round of what have you lost today. By that first half term he’d already lost five pairs of shoes.

I wish I could offer solutions, but I don’t have any. His father leaves stuff on planes and trains and hotel rooms constantly, so I am resigned to this just being how life will be for ds too.

You have my every sympathy.

llizzie · 15/05/2025 23:33

throweay · 14/05/2025 15:41

He is 7 in October, mature for his age.

He has lost seven (!) school jumpers this academic year. His name is in all of them, but they just go missing. Never in the lost property. He will just leave things on the floor, on benches etc.

Same with water bottles, with it being hot he obviously needs one in school every day. He has lost three since Monday last week.

Last week I bought him a new school jumper (was the only one we had, as the rest are all lost) and a water bottle. Surprise surprise, he has lost them.

I have very gently explained the importance of looking after our things, and how such things cost money. Tried to come up with strategies on how he can better look after things.

I ask him to look for them when he’s next in school, he never does.

Would I BU to get him to pay for a new water bottle with his pocket money? He gets a £1 a week and only has £7 in his account.

I feel it may be harsh, but I have tried every other way!

Does the school have drinking fountains for use of children? If they do, then perhaps sending him to school with one of those cardboard boxes of fruit juice with a straw at lunchtime, which can be thrown out.

The jumpers are being stolen, perhaps to order. Maybe not by other 7 year olds, but by older children stealing for siblings. One answer for this is to embroider his name in the back, or identify his jumper some way which will deter the stealing. If someone has to unpick a logo, even hidden under the sleeve, it is a deterrent. You could also use some sort of dye under the arm which cannot wash out. It doesn't have to be too obvious, but enough to make it undesirable.

JMSA · 15/05/2025 23:35

I wouldn’t, because £1 a week is nothing.

aylis · 15/05/2025 23:41

To be honest I don't know a family that this isn't pretty normal for. 7 jumpers is at the high end but we weren't far off that last year. What I did find out is that property losses were partly her fault, partly a half-assed system fault (they leave lunchboxes unattended and in a big pile of trays once they've eaten and we've had lunchboxes and flasks go missing from there), partly other children taking and moving things, and partly the teachers issuing absolutely no reminders about bringing your jumper, lunch box, water bottle etc back in with you if you had taken it out of the classroom etc, or not allowing them to retrieve forgotten items. So I wouldn't be quick just to assume it's always just on him and essentially 'punish' him by taking his pocket money. Young kids generally aren't going to remember everything off their own back - I'm an adult and I've definitely lost umbrellas in the double digits in my life.

Readytohealnow · 15/05/2025 23:50

Send him in without a jumper - it's warm enough atm.

Mumoftwoandcats · 16/05/2025 00:58

You can never find them in lost property? Is it possible your DS is having them taken off them? I'd have more of a word with the school.

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 01:27

Why is a child that age getting pocket money?

Barnbrack · 16/05/2025 05:06

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 01:27

Why is a child that age getting pocket money?

£1 a week? You're complaining a child gets £1 a week?

My kids get the number of pounds per week of their age, currently £3 a d £7. They then can choose to spend it on small things like a magazine, a sweety, a toy or save towards something (my eldest will often save towards a computer game which takes weeks and all that teaches him coins, maths, budgeting. My youngest saves hers up for a magazine, clothes for her doll, occasional jelly babies