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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my 6 year old buy his own water bottle?

196 replies

throweay · 14/05/2025 15:41

He is 7 in October, mature for his age.

He has lost seven (!) school jumpers this academic year. His name is in all of them, but they just go missing. Never in the lost property. He will just leave things on the floor, on benches etc.

Same with water bottles, with it being hot he obviously needs one in school every day. He has lost three since Monday last week.

Last week I bought him a new school jumper (was the only one we had, as the rest are all lost) and a water bottle. Surprise surprise, he has lost them.

I have very gently explained the importance of looking after our things, and how such things cost money. Tried to come up with strategies on how he can better look after things.

I ask him to look for them when he’s next in school, he never does.

Would I BU to get him to pay for a new water bottle with his pocket money? He gets a £1 a week and only has £7 in his account.

I feel it may be harsh, but I have tried every other way!

OP posts:
KellySeveride · 14/05/2025 16:01

My DS1 was the same. When it was still happening in year 7 I told him the next time he lost a coat (he was great at losing them), he would pay for his own. I followed through with this when inevitably the coat went missing a few weeks later….strangely he never lost the one he had to pay for…and after that things stopped going missing pretty much totally!

ForRealThisTime · 14/05/2025 16:02

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2025 15:58

Have you contacted the school office to try to see if they can be found? Has he even tried to find the items? This would be something I’d try sooner than replaces with his money or yours.

Im on the fence. My ADHD 11 yo loses things a lot - in fact what has helped is him having got a very desirable water bottle as part of his Christmas present which he’s very keen not to lose! So many some sense in making him realise there’s a consequence of losing them - but then your son is a lot younger than mine!

I’m dyslexic and part of my issue is short term memory issues. I can do something and not remember 5 seconds later. As part of that I developed coping strategies and routines. My ex used to laugh at them…but never once as an adult have I forgotten my keys (he couldn’t say the same 🤣). He might be young but he can start finding a habit that works for him if he is genuinely losing things. (I stand by my original comment that bullying needs to be ruled out though)

EuclidianGeometryFan · 14/05/2025 16:16

It is very odd that named jumpers have not turned up.
Realistically, where can they go?
The cleaners binning them? Unlikely.
They must be in the school building or grounds somewhere.

The alternative is that other children have stolen them. This is not unheard of, especially if they are expensive logoed items from a specialist supplier. Some parents will tell their children to steal one, bring it home, and they unpick the name tag.

It is not fair to make your child pay if the stuff is being stolen, or if they are being bullied.
You need to talk to the teacher.

CasperGutman · 14/05/2025 16:20

PercyFredGeorge · 14/05/2025 15:43

I would stop the pocket money … and but the Evian style bottles that can be refilled rather than expensive bottles.

Quite a lot of schools have policies that require reusable water bottles these days. I once sent DD in with an Evian bottle that had been refilled, and a note was sent home saying single use plastic bottles weren't allowed. The fact it had already been refused several times apparently wasn't relevant!

Littlemiracles232504 · 14/05/2025 16:22

I have my 6 year olds water bottle attached to a lanyard on his school bag, he doesn’t have to physically detach it to have a drink and then put it back in the side of his bag, he also loses things but this does seem excessive, I’d maybe have a word with his teacher to keep an eye on him because this doesn’t sound like he’s just losing things, because they would be found surely?
just seems a bit off to me

Digdongdoo · 14/05/2025 16:24

With that much lost property, I'd say it's a school issue. All very well saying he shouldn't leave it lying around, but it doesn't just vanish. What is school doing with it?
In the meantime I'd send him with bottled water. Disposable isn't great, but his bottles are essentially disposable at the moment anyway.
The other possibility is that they are being stolen (Any issues with bullying?) or hes chucking them over fences or on roofs at playtime.

MiddleAgedDread · 14/05/2025 16:32

I was going to bring up dyslexia too @ForRealThisTime DSD isn't this bad but often "looses" things but really she can't remember where she left them and they tend to turn up eventually (admittedly it's probably not helped by splitting her time between 2 households).
Or she'll have had half a thought but not finished it e.g. Sunday afternoon "I need to charge my school laptop", so she's remembered that and brought the laptop home but the power cable is still in her locker at school! Similarly she can take her hockey stick to school but doesn't take her PE Kit to play hockey in!

Ablondiebutagoody · 14/05/2025 16:33

The strategy is to give him a bollocking rather than explain it gently again.

Fuzzypinetree · 14/05/2025 16:34

Have you gone in to look for it? Just telling him to look next time he's at school doesn't work at that age. At the end of the day, take him by the hand and go to lost property together. Additionally, let his teacher know. They can keep an eye out for stuff (no, it's not their job to go and hunt it down...). I used to teach that age group and told parents to ensure everything is labelled and it will eventually find its way back. It might take a few days. However, clear labels are important because when shown an item, children will swear blind that they've never seen it before in their life and that it cannot possibly be theirs.
Our caretaker used to go through the lost property every so often and would return labelled items to the children's classes. Additionally, we had all of the lost property sorted and laid out clearly at the end of each term so that it was easier for parents to look through.

lampyyy · 14/05/2025 16:35

i know it’s not the point but - you do label everything, right??

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/05/2025 16:44

What strategies have you given him to keep track and remember things? Gently telling him isn’t working so he needs tips to help him remember. With my DD she would count off on her fingers - water bottle, pencil case, gloves. I’d also check at the school gate and send her back to look for stuff she didn’t bring back. I think taking his money age 7 is a bit harsh, and he may not make the link so a bit pointless. Teach him how to keep track.

Mumof1andacat · 14/05/2025 16:53

I always got my son evain (sp?) Water bottles and we just refilled them much less expensive and easy to replace

Notimeforaname · 14/05/2025 16:58

He's not losing them on purpose because he thinks you're made of money. For whatever reason he's just not responsible enough yet. So it doesn't matter whose money it is.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 14/05/2025 17:02

TillyTrifle · 14/05/2025 15:44

Not sure about this tbh. He’s only six but that level of losing things is extreme! Have you chatted with his teacher about the issue? I would try and implement strategies before making him spend his pocket money. At his age it’s unlikely that he will be any more able to look after the bottle he has bought himself, so it seems like a pretty pointless and age inappropriate solution to me. But I can understand your frustration!

Why not send water in disposable water bottles? Not great environmentally but you might get lucky and be able to use it a few days in a row and it’s no worse than constantly losing reusable bottles which will all be making their way to landfill.

They won't be going to landfill - they'll be being nicked.

Same with the jumpers: is he carelessly leaving them and forgetting them or is another child eyeing them up and grabbing them from the back of his chair/table as soon as he moves away for a moment?

Sadly, there are parents out there who will actively tell their kids to 'find' a jumper, coat, bag or whatever, and refuse to pay for one themselves.

There will also be kids whose parents similarly don't care and who will send them in without one or in a far too small outgrown one - and the child will come to the realisation that taking somebody else's is the only way they'll get one and not stand out/be bullied.

cestlavielife · 14/05/2025 17:04

Why would he care how much £is in his account? Does he use it to buy things he wants each week?
Buy very cheap water bottles and talk to school

Genevieva · 14/05/2025 17:04

Strategies.

Him, you and the school. It sounds like the school is allowing people to take other children’s stuff.

I was a bit like that when I was young and was treated so severely that I have a lifelong hangup about losing things. I also know to contain the inner panic and not cause my children the same issue. It sounds like you’ve kept nice and calm. Keep it up.

Are you any good at sewing? Most modern sewing machines will embroider letters. I’d suggest initial everything that way and see name tapes in with a machine. A bright red letter somewhere conspicuous on a navy jumper / socks etc works wonders.

BlueTitShark · 14/05/2025 17:07

Yep buy a pack of small bottles of water and write his name on it.

Dint make it a hige issue, him buying it with his own money etc…. Because it’s likely that some children are very used to just take other people’s property - which he can’t do much about.

cestlavielife · 14/05/2025 17:07

You can getv6 pack on amazon 3£ each https://amzn.eu/d/aViYZHe

Iloveyoubut · 14/05/2025 17:08

How mature can you be for your age when you’re 6. I mean, he’s 6.

PansyPottering · 14/05/2025 17:08

How are you labelling the jumpers if they never find their way back to him? My dc went to a massive primary school, five form entry, and neither of them lost anything permanently because someone would find the lost item and it would get back to them eventually. Maybe you need more prominent labels.

scotstars · 14/05/2025 17:15

My nd 9 yo loses everything I have lost count of the water bottles this year he has either lost or broken. Same with jumpers I don't buy the school 1s now just the supermarket ones I've also started putting jumper in the bag and he can put it on if cold which has helped.
I don't think I could make a 6 yo pay tbh I've taught classes of this age group they don't do it on purpose

Createausername1970 · 14/05/2025 17:17

I definitely think this beyond just being careless. You are describing my son at that age. Age 22 now, still very disorganised, has been diagnosed with autism and on a waiting list for ADHD assessment.

It is so frustrating, and whilst I am not saying your son has ADHD or similar, what kept me sane was that I made decisions based on the assumption that my son did have some form of executive functioning issues, whether it was officially diagnosed or not.

So with the constant loss of uniform, I just restocked out of the lost property box. There were plenty of unnamed ones in there. I didn't care if it was his or not, because the chances are he would lose it again any way. I must have washed the entire stock of lost jumpers one at a time 🤣.

Water bottles - either put brightly coloured sticky tape round it with his name written on the tape, or resort to disposable ones.

But making him pay or getting overly worked up won't help you or him.

I read up on ADHD and how to pre-empt issues and it worked for me. School adamant he didn't have either ADHD or ASD, but he ticked a lot of boxes in my mind so I parented him as if he did. I think it saved my sanity at times.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/05/2025 17:19

Is he being bullied and his things taken? I would speak to teacher and ask to go into school to find these things. My daughter is a season ticket for lost property but even she didn’t lose things at that speed so it is odd…

KurtShirty · 14/05/2025 17:20

I had similar issues with my boy, I ended up telling him that we have a certain amount of money which can be spent on either water bottles or pudding, less loosing stuff= more treats at the end of the week.
he has since been diagnosed with ADHD

TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2025 17:21

You need to go in and check lost property, you can't leave a 6yr old mature fr his age or not to reliably do this, take him with you at pick up and show him how to ask at reception and the process of looking for his name.

And no I don't think it's reasonable to make a young child pay for a water bottle.