To make my 6 year old buy his own water bottle?

[throweay]

He is 7 in October, mature for his age.

He has lost seven (!) school jumpers this academic year. His name is in all of them, but they just go missing. Never in the lost property. He will just leave things on the floor, on benches etc.

Same with water bottles, with it being hot he obviously needs one in school every day. He has lost three since Monday last week.

Last week I bought him a new school jumper (was the only one we had, as the rest are all lost) and a water bottle. Surprise surprise, he has lost them.

I have very gently explained the importance of looking after our things, and how such things cost money. Tried to come up with strategies on how he can better look after things.

I ask him to look for them when he’s next in school, he never does.

Would I BU to get him to pay for a new water bottle with his pocket money? He gets a £1 a week and only has £7 in his account.

I feel it may be harsh, but I have tried every other way!

I would buy some bigger labels in a bright colour because some people are being very unfair not returning your sons stuff anyway. Put the name label on the back neck of the jumper. Preferably sown in so doesn't come out. Regarding bottes, just buy cheap disposable for now. Talk to the teacher as this is unreasonable.

Echoing above to check for bullying.

Also agree could be being snaffled by other kids on purpose.

However, one thing I did with the logo-ed sweatshirts / cardis is to write their last name in large letters inside the collar in laundry marker so it was visible if picked up so it was obviously my DCs. None of them read the name tags inside!

@throweay It might be ADHD... BUT it is therefore even more important to teach him to look after his own stuff.

ADHD isn't an excuse. (I have ADHD, I lose stuff all the time, but have ways of trying not to lose stuff. My keys have a tracking tag that beeps!).

Laminate a check list and hang it off his bag. Get his teacher to make him check the check list before he leaves so he has to locate his bag, bottle, jumper etc...

I'm surprised you've kept buying new ones. I sent my 8 year old DD into school with her teeny tiny reception cardigan when she lost her two. She then had to spend ages looking through lost property and eventually found them.

If they are labelled then the school clearly have a crap lost uniform policy. I'd be challenging the school over lost property and what they're doing with it.

I'd also be buying second hand spares.

As for the water bottle, don't buy plastic ones each day - that's SO bad for the environment. If he hasn't got it at the end of the school day, send him back in to hunt for it, or even put a tracking tag on it!

As a retired primary school teacher, I would imagine that if you went yourself into the school with your son and looked through the various lost property areas and the cloakrooms, you will find many of his missing belongings! In my experience items usually turn up as long as they are named. Occasionally children wear the wrong jumper etc home but the majority of parents send the item back in the next day.

7 jumpers! How much has that cost?
It must be worth your while to walk around school, cloak room and their lost property bin.
I worked in a primary school for years, kids needed adult help with the lost property bin because it was so big they couldn't reach down to the bottom. The top layer would get turned over and over.
Roll up your sleeves @throweay and get digging.

Ensure all items are clearly named - sew name labels on expensive items or mark in pen rather than using stick-on or iron-on labels.

Then ask the teacher to keep an eye. Things do go missing and a lost jumper or water bottle now and then is to be expected, and I'd be the last person to berate the teacher for it, but this volume of lost stuff is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous @throweay. The only reason he is doing that is because it’s allowed to continue.

my 5 year old got a telling off at school by me the first time she lost a cardigan x2 in a week. I made her go back into the school and look properly at the end of the day. The teachers approach was very much “oh it’ll turn up”. Erm no. It won’t. She can bloody well find it. I’m not made of money and she needs to understand that it’s important to look after her things.

same thing with my son but his glasses. 2 pairs in a week. Unfortunately for him, this was the last day of school and his consequence was no tech until he found them. It was a challenging 2 weeks for him over Easter to see his sister play on it and he couldn’t. And when he got back to school and still couldn’t find them, he knew that this was unacceptable.

my “forgetful” son, has miraculously realised that the consequence is more important than the forgetting. And he no longer does it.

dont allow this behaviour

Can the TAs help? I was a TA for 10 years. I would take children to the hall/round the playground etc most days trying to find lost items.

Unless your child is being bullied, it sounds like there might be some issues around executive functioning. I have made posters by the place where children line up for specific children to help them remember to pick up their things. Despite this I can think of at least one child who would have everything in their hands when in the line, but had lost half of the items by the time they reached their parent outside - they put things down or dropped them and hadn’t noticed.

That said, if the items are named, they really should get back to your child eventually. I spent a lot of time looking through all the cloakrooms around the school after school - it was amazing where things would end up!

I would ask school for some sort of support.

At my kids Primary, a few years ago now, parents couldn’t just wander around inside school, but PTA ran uniform sales for v low cost/ no cost and went through lost property ( couldn’t sell anything with a name on obvs) and returned those named items to class of child, school staff just don’t have the time. Does your sons school have a similar set up?

No that's not unreasonable, he obviously needs to be taught the value of things and maybe he will look after his things better if he's had to pay for them himself. I started that with mine when they started school at 5. Only little things but it helped immensely and really doesn't take them long to learn.

My son is 21 now, but losing/forgetting stuff was the bane of my life throughout school. He has a cardiac condition which impacts on his executive function skills (in fact, I’m pretty sure he’d be diagnosed with ADHD if we’d had him assessed…) but his memory has always been hopeless and I can’t think how many water bottles/protractors/coats/lunchboxes he’s lost over the years. It has got a bit better as he’s grown older, but having to go back into school to try and find things was part of life for us! Fortunately he was usually cold because of his heart so never took his jumper off, so at least he didn’t lose that!! 🤣 But I feel your pain!

Tbh I’d be wondering how this stuff is going missing from school. Kids are naturally quite scatty that young but 7 jumpers just disappearing from school. I don’t know how that is possible. My kids will sometimes lose their jumpers, but they always turn up whether that be a week later. Same with the water bottles. Surely his name is ok them, they just can’t be getting lost. Very odd. If another child is taking them out of school the teacher would notice them taking 2 lots of things home. It just doesn’t make sense.

Losing things excessively is an inattentive adhd trait I would be speaking to the teacher to see if they can see other signs at school.

I have a child like this who is now early teens and still the same. In fact I’ve just had a massive go today as they’ve come home without yet another water bottle, saying they were messing around with their friend and it broke. I have lost count how many bottles I’ve bought just this academic year.

I’ve tried all strategies, NOTHING works and if lost they never ever turn up in lost property. If they’re not wearing it I assume it will go missing, I don’t know if it’s poor memory, executive dysfunction or an ND trait or all three. Drives me insane.

I bought a basketball to be played with at break time and I kid you not it was lost on the first day ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL. Entire PE kits including trainers I usually have to replace 3x an academic year if not more because they go walkies. Actually it’s quite stressful and bringing me out in hives just thinking about all the money I’ve spent. 😂

Definitely buy second hand jumpers.

We had this with dd1. Things disappeared and never returned - made no difference labelling them. May not happen at some schools but certainly did at ours!

6 is too young to pay imo - we just gave disposable water bottles.

Talk to his teacher and the school office. Ask the school to check the 7! jumpers are not in a different part of the cloakroom, stuffed in a locker etc. Going with him to help him look helps sharpen the focus for him.
If he changes room at all in the course of the day for music or PE etc, if the school will let you, re-walk the day with him to see if the jumpers have been left in Art or whatever, Might help.

Most schools when they blow the whistle at playtime remind the dc to make sure they have their jumpers/ coats/ water bottles. I would ask his teacher if this happens. If it does he's being lazy by not going to look.

OP YABU
Also he doesn't sound super mature (which is normal at 6 years old).

Sounds like his pocket money isn’t enough and he’s selling them on the side.

You need to make sure labels are easy for children to see, big clear stick on or sewn label in the neckline, not initials in biro inside the sleeve or something. So it's impossible to pick up the jumper without noticing.

6yrs old and already making a child financially pay for things they lose?

Kids lose things.

Find a strategy that works for him without charging him.

Also to add: my son was a "loser" in that sense and it was tough, you have my sympathy. Can you send him in with as few things as possible? He's taking his jumper off because he's hot, does he need to wear one at all in the summer? Does he actually drink from the water bottle?

At school we had a water fountain and took a drink when thirsty. Is this no longer an option? Perhaps I’m ancient and times have changed.