To think my brother bringing a new girlfriend to see my dead father is inappropriate??

[Meeemeee88]

Basically my father passed away . The day AFTER this happened with everyone at my mums house obviously mourning , upset etc … my brother turns up with a new girlfriend ( first time anyone had met her !!) it was very awkward as we knew nothing about her etc . No one said anything as didn’t want to cause more upset . But he then brings her to view my father’s body a few days later !!! I’m sorry but isn’t this really inappropriate and just insensitive?? My mum isn’t happy about it but again no one wants to cause drama . I’m worried he will bring her to the funeral now but am I over reacting … maybe she has been supportive etc but timing is so off here isn’t it ? To introduce her now when they have only been other a short space of time .

Where is she from? In England "viewing the body" seems to be a big deal. I'm in Ireland and we usually have whats called a removal or wake in the person's house or in a funeral home the evenings before the funeral service and burial/cremation, its mostly open coffin and everyone and anyone turns up to sympathise. Perhaps seeing the body isn't as big a deal to his girlfriend.

“His partner”, “His loved one”

He’s known her 3 weeks.

I’ve seen posters on here get their arse handed to them for calling someone their “partner” after 3 months. 😂

The girlfriend (and the brother) are really fucking wierd, as is this place at times.

How old is your brother? Is this his first girlfriend?

But his family to this day probably think ‘Do you remember when our Gary brought that random girl to Dad’s funeral? So inappropriate. Dad wouldn’t have wanted his latest squeeze there’.

I would have said ‘God no! I don’t want to meet your family at such an awful time. Let’s give it a few weeks’.

I understand that but I personally wouldn't be upset about it. Unless either the brother or gf acted rudely or disrespectful to me.

I would have said ‘God no! I don’t want to meet your family at such an awful time. Let’s give it a few weeks’.
And if I'd said that to someone in the same circumstances I'd have felt I was being really quite unpleasant and putting my own awkwardness ahead of the kindness I'd been asked to show by going with someone to support them.

Relationships have to start somewhere.

If my boyfriend wasn't offering to come and support me when I lost my dad, that relationship would not last.

If I felt better with him around, he would absolutely come with me. Then you know he's a keeper, even if it's not the focus at the time.

A boyfriend jumping with a "absolutely not, it's too soon to meet your family" would be gone.

It's not weird. Friends, close friends, people offer to come and support you when you have a loss. Up to you if you accept or not, but it's very weird to blank someone who is grieving. Not that it matters, but I am not Irish, but I am human!

Pretty much. Wee skit on the blame game
vm.tiktok.com/ZNdMw9sXW/

So you think it’s normal and totally appropriate to ask someone you have known for 21 days to come and meet your family for the first time when they’re all beside themselves grieving and then to ask this person to come and view the corpse of your dead father with you?

You think that’s normal and appropriate???

WTAF is going on on this thread. I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone 🤯

once again.. it's not about meeting the family!

It's not making a big song and dance to introduce a new girlfriend? Why do people insist on making it that way?
It's not grabbing a stranger from the club to go and see a dead father either, like you put it.

It's normal people, in a relationship, and one supporting the other at the worst time.

If you don't expect this from a partner, your standards are abysmally low.

How old is your brother?

How close people feel in a relationship in the first few weeks or months can depend on the intensity of contact you’ve had with them. I think it’s easier when you’re younger too. A couple who meet at university and spend every minute together they can may have spent upwards of 400 hours with each other. An older couple with other stuff going on in their lives who don’t live down the hall from each other might have been on 3 dates and a sleepover totaling 20 hours in that time.

I would never, ever speak to him again. Never. Selfish b*stard

BUT SHE IS NOT HIS PARTNER! 🤯😂

He has known her for 21 days… she might as well be someone he just picked up in a club!

Really fucking weird

I made the decision not to see my own dad as his passing was sudden and not expected, it was too much of a shock. My mum actually passed away in my home so I didn’t go and see her either as I had already seen her the day she passed. It’s such a personal thing no two families will react the same. None of us, including my mum, minded my brother's gf being there (when my dad passed), though none of us had met her prior.

It doesn’t matter what intensity they feel for one another… it’s not appropriate!

If there was a woman here saying she expected to go to a family wedding after 3 weeks we’d all be telling her to cop herself on, that that wasn’t appropriate and of course she shouldn’t expect to be invited….

… but seeing a dead fathers body and a family in mourning? Oh, that’s completely fine! 🤣

That is odd. I understand if she may come to the funeral, to provide support for your brother, but even three weeks in thats a bit much. But I don't think viewing the body is appropriate. Maybe your brother had told her it would be fine and he wants her there.

Interestingly, I think the complete opposite! I think it's great he has someone at this awful time.
The fact that people would never speak to a sibling ever again, and call him a selfish bastard because he brought his girlfriend to his father's funeral is appalling to me! I judge you very much for this.

Except she was invited. More than invited, she was probably asked to come by OP’s brother because he really wanted her there. Yes, it’s weird for OP and their mum. No, it’s not a good way to meet the family. But he’s grieving and doing what makes sense to him at the moment. It could be conceived as selfish because it’s upset OP and their mother but he may not have anticipated that and it’s not worth ruining the relationship between OP and her brother or between OP’s mum and brother by confronting him about it.

We all met my brother’s gf for the first time the day after my dad died. It wasn’t awkward, in fact I remember us all sitting reminiscing and telling stories about our dad, while she just listened and was there for my brother. My mum didn’t mind at all. They actually ended up getting married.

I think it’s obviously nice that he has support and he feels comfortable to bring her to see family, but I do think it must feel intrusive and inappropriate to your family.

when my Dad died I wouldn’t have wanted people who are strangers around watching me grieve

She wasn't asked to come and meet the family after 21 days. She was asked to come and be with him while he dealt with his grief. That happened to be the first time she met the family. Which isn't ideal but you make it sound like he jumped on his dad's death as an excuse to being her over and expect her to be made a fuss of which doesn't sound like what happened at all.

But his selfish and inappropriate behaviour has greatly upset his sister and above all his mother, whose husband has died.
I know from my own experience how dreadful it is when your father dies, but he should be thinking about his mother's feelings.

It's utterly crass to bring a 3 week girlfriend ( who isn't a life partner or loving support or whatever other crap people on here are calling her) to the home of a devastated family. I judge the brother and his girlfriend. I would hate to be related to anyone on here who thinks him doing this is ok.

Whilst I’d love to think “that’s nice DB has a supportive (if newly minted) girlfriend”, my actual self would be thinking “Grief Tourist!!!!”.