Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother bringing a new girlfriend to see my dead father is inappropriate??

275 replies

Meeemeee88 · 14/05/2025 12:58

Basically my father passed away . The day AFTER this happened with everyone at my mums house obviously mourning , upset etc … my brother turns up with a new girlfriend ( first time anyone had met her !!) it was very awkward as we knew nothing about her etc . No one said anything as didn’t want to cause more upset . But he then brings her to view my father’s body a few days later !!! I’m sorry but isn’t this really inappropriate and just insensitive?? My mum isn’t happy about it but again no one wants to cause drama . I’m worried he will bring her to the funeral now but am I over reacting … maybe she has been supportive etc but timing is so off here isn’t it ? To introduce her now when they have only been other a short space of time .

OP posts:
Someone2025 · 14/05/2025 14:54

Meeemeee88 · 14/05/2025 12:58

Basically my father passed away . The day AFTER this happened with everyone at my mums house obviously mourning , upset etc … my brother turns up with a new girlfriend ( first time anyone had met her !!) it was very awkward as we knew nothing about her etc . No one said anything as didn’t want to cause more upset . But he then brings her to view my father’s body a few days later !!! I’m sorry but isn’t this really inappropriate and just insensitive?? My mum isn’t happy about it but again no one wants to cause drama . I’m worried he will bring her to the funeral now but am I over reacting … maybe she has been supportive etc but timing is so off here isn’t it ? To introduce her now when they have only been other a short space of time .

It depends, is he the type of guy that goes through girlfriends quite quickly or the type that tries to build long term relationships

If he’s the type that has a different girlfriend quite regularly it think it’s inappropriate but if he usually has long term girlfriends who become a fixture in the family then ok

spoonbillstretford · 14/05/2025 14:56

Funeral, fine, but coming to view the body with her I'd find a bit much. For her, as much as anyone.

Aintnomountainlowenough · 14/05/2025 14:56

JudgeBread · 14/05/2025 14:34

You think the brother is from a different culture to the rest of his family? He's the one who has behaved inappropriately here. Even if the girlfriend is of a culture where this sort of thing is acceptable, he isn't. He should've had the self awareness to look outside his own happy bubble for three seconds and realise that the viewing of the body of his recently deceased father was perhaps not the most appropriate moment to debut a new shag.

Show quote history

No but I don’t think there is one size fit all rules within a family. So the brothers beliefs here matter too. His grief matters too and he felt he wanted the support of his gf.

Justtryingthis · 14/05/2025 14:56

I think it’s inappropriate and insensitive to the other family members. They want privacy to grieve and not have a total stranger in their midst. Your brother can still be supported by her, just not in the middle of what is a very private occasion for you all. 3 weeks in, she’s a total stranger to everyone. I totally get you feeling it’s ok.
A very similar thing happened within my family and it caused so much upset at an already awful time.

HmmNot · 14/05/2025 14:59

It’s really odd, especially her viewing your father’s body. Good that he has support but you all also need some privacy. Some very strange responses early on the thread.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 15:03

It's not odd to have your partner with you when you loss a parent.

Justtryingthis · 14/05/2025 15:05

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 15:03

It's not odd to have your partner with you when you loss a parent.

It’s not a partner though? It’s a 3 week relationship! I’ve got potatoes in my fridge that are older than that ‘relationship’!

outerspacepotato · 14/05/2025 15:05

He could very much need his gf's support right now.

She was paying her respects.

ForRealThisTime · 14/05/2025 15:07

It can be really difficult if you are the single one and everyone else has partners to hold their hand and support them through these events.

I felt bitterly alone at my grandmothers funeral, my dad had my mum looking after him, my brother had his wife holding his hand. I had said to my then BF not to come, it would have made things so much easier to have the arm around me of someone who cared.

DappledThings · 14/05/2025 15:18

It doesn't strike me as inappropriate at all.

Friend of mine had been seeing someone for 4 weeks when his (the new boyfriend's) dad died suddenly. Friend was there for his boyfriend from that moment, visiting family with him and supporting him however he could.

Been married 19 years now. It might not have been a relationship that worked out but he was there from really early on because he wanted to support and his boyfriend wanted that support.

Maddy70 · 14/05/2025 15:21

She is supporting her boyfriend. I'm fairly certain seeing a dead body isn't up there in her top ten of date nights the fact he brought her before and you didn't know what to say to her is perfectly normal. He brought her to meet you .... Nothing odd about that

Namerequired · 14/05/2025 15:26

My partner met most of my family for the 1st time at a close family funeral. I actually think it helped bond them. We had been together a while though. Together 25yrs now and he’s one of the family since.

Americano75 · 14/05/2025 15:27

I'm with you OP, that's really not OK. Funeral, great. The rest? God no. And they've been together 3 weeks? Fucking hell no.

Dibble135 · 14/05/2025 15:29

I am sorry for your loss OP.

My now DH and I had only been together just over 2 months when my Dad passed away. He came to the funeral with permission of my mum and sister and the fact he supported me so much during what must have been a very awkward time for him just cemented he was the one.

justteanbiscuits · 14/05/2025 15:34

Ah, your grief is more important than his.

I remember being told similar when my Dad died. My siblings were older, so had known him longer so their grief was more important. One was pregnant, so her grief was more important. An aunt had lost her husband a year before, so her grief was more important.

The ONE person who let me grieve as I needed was my "new boyfriend of a few weeks". The person who dropped everything and came to me was that new boyfriend. The person who held my held and looked after me when I went to see Dad's body was that new boyfriend. The one who never, ever, made me feel guilty for how I felt was that new boyfriend.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 15:35

Maddy70 · 14/05/2025 15:21

She is supporting her boyfriend. I'm fairly certain seeing a dead body isn't up there in her top ten of date nights the fact he brought her before and you didn't know what to say to her is perfectly normal. He brought her to meet you .... Nothing odd about that

There would be something hugely odd about bringing a 3-week girlfriend to meet his family the day after your father died. It amazes me anyone would think that was normal.
If your father dies and your whole family are there they are your support if you don't have a long term partner.
If he asked her to go , then he's odd for asking her, and she's a bit strange for accepting. After three weeks he shouldn't have felt he needs her there, and she should have had more sense and said "you'll be with your family, you don't need me".

Maddy70 · 14/05/2025 15:36

AthWat · 14/05/2025 15:35

There would be something hugely odd about bringing a 3-week girlfriend to meet his family the day after your father died. It amazes me anyone would think that was normal.
If your father dies and your whole family are there they are your support if you don't have a long term partner.
If he asked her to go , then he's odd for asking her, and she's a bit strange for accepting. After three weeks he shouldn't have felt he needs her there, and she should have had more sense and said "you'll be with your family, you don't need me".

Show quote history

I read it as he died the day after

HonestAquaMember · 14/05/2025 15:37

I'm shocked by how many people are saying that it's weird because the relationship is only 3 weeks old. When is appropriate then? How many months? When they're engaged? Married? With kids?

She's supporting him, it doesn't sound like she was actively being intrusive or trying to upset anyone, simply to support her boyfriend. Which is normal!

AthWat · 14/05/2025 15:39

HonestAquaMember · 14/05/2025 15:37

I'm shocked by how many people are saying that it's weird because the relationship is only 3 weeks old. When is appropriate then? How many months? When they're engaged? Married? With kids?

She's supporting him, it doesn't sound like she was actively being intrusive or trying to upset anyone, simply to support her boyfriend. Which is normal!

It's weird to have a stranger nobody has heard of before coming round to sit in the middle of the close family after the death of a parent. When it would cease to be odd is if they knew her.

cooldarkroom · 14/05/2025 15:40

Send him a message. say its nice he has a girlfriend, but bringing her to see Dad, someone she has never met, or even heard the name of, is totally inappropriate.
Everyone is hurting & it is not a spectacle for random spectators.
He needs to apologize to your Mother for being a self absorbed & immature.

HonestAquaMember · 14/05/2025 15:41

cooldarkroom · 14/05/2025 15:40

Send him a message. say its nice he has a girlfriend, but bringing her to see Dad, someone she has never met, or even heard the name of, is totally inappropriate.
Everyone is hurting & it is not a spectacle for random spectators.
He needs to apologize to your Mother for being a self absorbed & immature.

Why do you assume the girlfriend came to gawk at people who were mourning? Surely she simply wanted to support her grieving parter?

Katemax82 · 14/05/2025 15:41

Seeing your father's dead body is ridiculous for your brothers girlfriend. I went to see my fils dead body (only because my husband had promised to take his mum but couldn't face it). I felt like I shouldn't be there, and I knew him 21 years

Americano75 · 14/05/2025 15:43

I mean, your poor mum. Literally just lost her husband and the last thing she'll want to do is meet/entertain her son's new girlfriend of 3 WEEKS.

ForRealThisTime · 14/05/2025 15:44

AthWat · 14/05/2025 15:35

There would be something hugely odd about bringing a 3-week girlfriend to meet his family the day after your father died. It amazes me anyone would think that was normal.
If your father dies and your whole family are there they are your support if you don't have a long term partner.
If he asked her to go , then he's odd for asking her, and she's a bit strange for accepting. After three weeks he shouldn't have felt he needs her there, and she should have had more sense and said "you'll be with your family, you don't need me".

Show quote history

I’ve been at these events as the one without a longterm partner and your family are not the support that you seem to think they are. They can be wrapped up in their own grief, being looked after by their own partner and retreating into that couple state. It is incredibly difficult to be that person alone.

Waitingforspring77 · 14/05/2025 15:47

Meeemeee88 · 14/05/2025 13:13

I’m happy he has support . It’s the fact she never met my father that she went in to see him . I’m sorry but it’s just odd . She saw him with my brother before any of us did . I don’t get how that’s appropriate

I agree it was inappropriate and odd for her to go and view the body. If she had known your dad during his life then it wouldn't have been. I get that she's supporting your brother and at a time like this he will need the support as we all would in such a difficult situation. I'm sorry for your loss 💐