Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-Laws- god give me STRENGTH

119 replies

Hsmith11 · 13/05/2025 20:42

So, I have 2 kids, DS who is 5 and DD who is 3. I’m pregnant with my 3rd which was completely unplanned and such a shock so been navigating my emotions there. But really my health has been super low since the pregnancy, I’m talking hospital visits from week 3 and just constant stress and like a million appointments which I have to juggle along with my darling 2 whilst getting the house ready for ,fingers crossed, baby #3.
My point is I had been to hospital 3x in the week (7 months in now), I was juggling school lunches and really needed a break come the weekend when my H’s 2 sisters and their 2 children decided to pitch up at 5PM on the Saturday?!
Literally I looked like shite but the worst thing is when they come round they just let their children run riot and don’t even set any boundaries. I can’t bend so cleaning has been an absolute nightmare and last time they broke my children’s toy till, lost all the puzzle pieces and just left without saying anything. Then at 7PM my third SIL pitched up with her 4 children when she knows that my children have an 8PM bedtime!
My husband just tells me to try and get over it, kids will be kids and make a mess and they are family which is true but what bothers me isn’t the children (who I found in my bedroom jumping on the bed with their shoes on, when I had just changed the sheets whilst dying of back pain!) but their mothers attitude to it all! It’s like no respect or common decency or even an attempt to calm their children down?! They just sit in the living room and chat for hours on end and the house and toys are completely wrecked by the time they leave. I mentioned it a few months back and my MIL told me to just take all the toys if I care so much about them and put them in my room. Like that’s not the point- does anyone understand me or am I just being a pregnant a- hole? I spoke to my own mum and she told me to just ignore them and stay in my room if seeing them wreck the house is going to annoy me but seriously I don’t see that as a solution either. I just don’t understand why they can’t keep an eye on their kids whilst they visit? I do really want to have a chat with them but not sure if it’s going to cause WW3 and just end in me and H arguing which I cannot be dealing with right now- please help x

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 13/05/2025 20:45

Next time just take yourself off to bed and leave H to deal with his family.

Cognacsoft · 13/05/2025 20:49

If my in laws didn’t correct their dc then I would in my own house.
I was recently at a party for a gc and one 3 year old kept walking a toy wheelbarrow over dd’s new floor.
It took 3 (fairly gentle) no’s and keep it in the garden, but he got the message.

And if your dh causes a row over it be sure he changes the bed and tidies up.

Babygirlmamahere · 13/05/2025 21:21

YANBU. Pregnancy is exhausting and you are already chasing after your own children without chasing after others as well. I feel for you, I wouldn't be happy either.

Mum2jenny · 13/05/2025 21:25

S0j0urn4r · 13/05/2025 20:45

Next time just take yourself off to bed and leave H to deal with his family.

And let your DH clear up the debris left behind by your dsils kids

Endofyear · 13/05/2025 23:12

Read your husband the riot act and make him clear up after his bloody family! If they are there when you want to put your kids to bed, just say I'm going to have to chuck you out now as we're starting bedtime! Lovely to see you! And usher then out. Or just straight out tell them not to come round late in the day because you're knackered and just want to get your kids to bed and put your feet up! They sound pretty inconsiderate so I wouldn't worry about offending them 🤷‍♀️

GoingToGraceland · 13/05/2025 23:14

As we say around these parts - you have a DH problem.

Whatifitallgoesright · 13/05/2025 23:27

Your husband should be instilling a boundary now, saying chucking out time is 7pm - whenever they turn up. If they moan about this/tell you to chill out/deny that they'll be any trouble then tough, thats the time they'll be booted out. If they object to this then they should be shamed to their faces for their lack.of empathy.

Visiting arrangements get made in advance. Happily welcome them for Saturday meet in a park or Sunday round one of their houses. Cheeky bints leave your house a tip and return to their tidy homes.

Tell them 7pm chuck-out is temporary till after the birth then just keep keep reinforcing it - it will be the norm by then.

Whatifitallgoesright · 13/05/2025 23:30

Make that 5pm. You don't feed them as well do you?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 13/05/2025 23:34

Next time I’d feign ill health and trot off to bed. Apologise gracefully. Lock your door.

EggnogNoggin · 13/05/2025 23:34

Yanbu.

I'd just tell the kids off constantly as needed if SIL won't. I'm not a people pleaser though and I'd be happy to have a blazing row with DH about it as well if necessary.

nutbrownhare15 · 13/05/2025 23:36

Why is your DH not cleaning and changing the bedsheets? And if he wants them to come round he can be in charge of tidying up afterwards.

Screamingabdabz · 13/05/2025 23:59

Why in the name of heavens are you doing all the cleaning and changing bed sheets if you feel so rotten? Why isn’t your DH stepping up? Why are you role modelling ‘female = domestic drudge’ to your kids?

You moan about your in-laws being indulgent with their DC but you seem just as bad with your DH. Just as with children, you tell him exactly what you need and expect. And then expect him to do it. Domestic work should be shared so if there is hosting and cleaning up to do with your in-laws, he should be doing it too.

SeaToSki · 14/05/2025 00:21

Dont let the visiting dc upstairs. They can run riot round their parents feet so they cant ignore them. If they wont listen and would sneak upstairs anyway, put eye hook locks on the outside of all of the upstairs doors, so they cant get into them. It will also be useful when you have the baby.

Dont feed them and dont offer drinks, then chuck them all out at 6pm so you can get ready for the school week.

And tell DH that he needs to set some of his money aside for a destruction budget for his family. If the kids of his sisters destroy one of your dc toys, then his money pays to replace it so your dc dont miss out. It might get him to focus a bit on their unruliness.

Seventree · 14/05/2025 00:45

YANBU. I'd be even more cross with DH than them though. He should be prioritising your feelings in this, not his sisters. And that means clearly telling them that they can't just turn up unannounced and let their children run wild.

AloeVera889 · 14/05/2025 00:47

I'd be feeling unwell and take to bed. Let DH deal with his in laws and the kids' bedtime. Don't get out of bed no matter how much the kids scream. They have a competent parent there.

ButteredRadish · 14/05/2025 01:20

WHO leaves the house at 7pm, with DC, to go anywhere? Let alone on a social call. Weird

Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:25

Thank you so much for all your replies. I think you’re right and I need to communicate better with DH about chores and not doing everything myself- it’s just due to my health I’ve had to cut back massively on work hours and he’s had to take on more work (not easy living on basically one income in this climate :/ ) so I try to get as much as I can done- but you’re right I think he should be supporting me more on this- I just don’t think he wants the additional drama because I’ve not said anything before. So should I not talk directly to my SILs about it? Just have a convo with DH and set time and notice boundaries?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:27

ButteredRadish · 14/05/2025 01:20

WHO leaves the house at 7pm, with DC, to go anywhere? Let alone on a social call. Weird

Apparently I’M the weird one for having a bedtime for my kids….. it’s 8PM- “sigh” maybe it’s just a clash of parenting styles

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:31

SeaToSki · 14/05/2025 00:21

Dont let the visiting dc upstairs. They can run riot round their parents feet so they cant ignore them. If they wont listen and would sneak upstairs anyway, put eye hook locks on the outside of all of the upstairs doors, so they cant get into them. It will also be useful when you have the baby.

Dont feed them and dont offer drinks, then chuck them all out at 6pm so you can get ready for the school week.

And tell DH that he needs to set some of his money aside for a destruction budget for his family. If the kids of his sisters destroy one of your dc toys, then his money pays to replace it so your dc dont miss out. It might get him to focus a bit on their unruliness.

You’re totally right- I think I’ll make that clear - god when they came in at 5 they were like we’re only here for a little while! They left at 9:30! 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:33

EggnogNoggin · 13/05/2025 23:34

Yanbu.

I'd just tell the kids off constantly as needed if SIL won't. I'm not a people pleaser though and I'd be happy to have a blazing row with DH about it as well if necessary.

Edited

Please teach me! I really need to start not giving a shite Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:34

Babygirlmamahere · 13/05/2025 21:21

YANBU. Pregnancy is exhausting and you are already chasing after your own children without chasing after others as well. I feel for you, I wouldn't be happy either.

♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:36

Endofyear · 13/05/2025 23:12

Read your husband the riot act and make him clear up after his bloody family! If they are there when you want to put your kids to bed, just say I'm going to have to chuck you out now as we're starting bedtime! Lovely to see you! And usher then out. Or just straight out tell them not to come round late in the day because you're knackered and just want to get your kids to bed and put your feet up! They sound pretty inconsiderate so I wouldn't worry about offending them 🤷‍♀️

Thank you- definitely I think a tiny confrontation is needed if they’re not understanding- need to prioritise my own health and the kids right now- thank you 🙏

OP posts:
romdowa · 14/05/2025 07:37

I wouldn't let them in. I'd tell them sorry its dinner / bath / bed time here so you'll have to call another day.

justkeepswimingswiming · 14/05/2025 07:38

Next time tell your SIL “x child is jumping on my bed/breaking a toy. Tell them to behave or it’s time to go home.” If they do nothing still… you go “right x child time to get your shoes & coat on. I told you to behave and you didn’t so it’s time to go home now. You can come visit auntie and uncle Hsmith when you behave.”

Original poster
Hsmith11 · 14/05/2025 07:41

Mum2jenny · 13/05/2025 21:25

And let your DH clear up the debris left behind by your dsils kids

Show quote history

Thank you both- honestly I would but they genuinely don’t care if things break - their mind sense is literally “oh we will buy a new one”- but that is NOT the lessons I want to be teaching my kids- they need to learn to respect their belongings - maybe I should just accept it’s different parenting techniques - but I think I’ll defo have at least one convo with them so they know how I’m feeling- it’s not right I should be made to feel this way and I genuinely want my kids to have a good relationship with their aunts and cousins- just need to instil boundaries!!!

OP posts: