To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

After school club or child minder will be cheaper than losing 20000!

It’s not 20000 it’s taxed !

Can you send a taxi to collect her instead of doing pick up yourself? If she's too young to travel alone she also probably needs actively looking after when she's home which isn't compatible with working from home.

Other parent at the school. To help with pick ups. Not necessarily other parent as in the child's father given we know that's not an option.

User5274959 · Today 18:10
of course it’s a highly paid job! 🙄

The difference after tax etc is around £1,100 a month. Or around £250ish a week more.

Most after school clubs are around £50-70 a week. Childminders cost a bit more, usually charging around £10 an hour in SE. You would need to go to their house to collect your child.

An after school nanny might be good for you if you want dc brought home to your house. I’m in Kent and they usually charge £15-20 an hour.

with all these options, you’d be better off taking the higher paid full time role.

DH wfh and when dc reached year 6, we stopped the after school childcare as we are close enough to school for them to walk home.

Get an after school nanny?

I'm a working parent and it would annoy me if another parent was nipping out to do the school run while I was paying for childcare to actually be available during working hours.

Most work places have strict policies on working and childcare and for good reason too. Yes some employers you can maybe work in an evening but for most they expect you to be available during work hours to meet the needs of the business. Nipping out everyday for the school run soon adds up and there's no guarantee that work will get done in am evening.

Yes working is hard and juggling children is difficult. I do it full time. But it's a choice I made before I had kids. I'm certainly not going to begrudge child free people their free time at a weekend or after work because of the choices I made to have children. Likewise expect them to pick up the slack at work if I'm unavailable for set times every day.

@Yudl
Take the full time salary and pay for a childminder after school. They grow up fast and you won’t need it forever.

in the meantime… more contributions into your pension etc.

If you go for the payout, guaranteed you’ll end up doing the hours in your own time anyway but not getting the benefit.

good luck.

I don’t think it is a motherhood penalty because a single father would also be affected.

This is why there are tax relief schemes to help with childcare costs. It is a little unfair for you, because two parents earning £90k will get as much support as you earning £90k on your own.

You’ve been lucky with your job so far but now you will have to use after school clubs, holiday clubs, childminder etc

Agree with most, its not a penalty, you're asking to leave work to drive to collect your child and then look after them while you're paid to work? Id be miffed if I was your colleagues and you were doing that. I work and pay for after schools club like most working parents

I’m a single parent myself and I pay a fortune to make sure my kids have proper after school childcare while I work full time. I’d be pretty resentful of a colleague not paying for childcare and just taking time off work.

Yes - I know it’s not great fun when your kid is ill and you have to leave work.

but the brutal reality is that you aren’t pulling your weight at work when you do so.

being a parent is like having a second job. It might be very noble, but if you’re spending time parenting, you aren’t doing the job. Why should your colleagues have to pick up the slack?

Doesn’t have to be. I cut my hours to 4 days a week when i returned to work. I spent so much time working on my “day off” and in the evenings because they never actually adjusted my workload, that the number of hours I worked didn’t change. So after about two months told them I was ready to return full time with one day a week working from home, which they agreed to. If I was doing the work anyway, why should my pay change?

OP hasn’t said whether her job can only be done between 9&5 (and I seriously doubt it because at 95k, you’re never 9-5) If they are being unreasonable about allowing her to be away from her desk for an hour or so to pick up her daughter, then I’d be tempted to do the same.

This is the motherhood penalty, where an employer won’t be flexible when it actually won’t make much of a difference to her work. I guarantee they will reduce the hours but not the workload.

What a complete crock of shit.

We have more free time because we made a choice to be childfree.

Those who chose otherwise, presumably the presence of your little darlings makes up for the lack of leisure time with no responsibilities. Doesn't it????

If not, too bad, don't complain to me and don't expect special treatment in the workplace due to your personal lifestyle choices.

I just used my free time after work to get a pedicure and am about to enjoy some time in the garden with a glass of wine and a cheeseboard, listening to the birds and planning my new rose bed.

If you’re working part time then it’s not surprising they are cutting your hours and pay. You can’t properly concentrate on work with a young child running around surely?

Nothing to do with motherhood, stop trying to find things that aren’t there. You’ve been offered a highly paid job, you’ve asked not to work full time and they’ve offered a compromise. Perfectly fair. A business is free to decline arrangements if it doesn’t work. I’ve declined a request for a role to go part time as I couldn’t distribute the work to the remainder of my team (well I could but their workload would increase too much) and I couldn’t bring someone else in to cover it.

Exactly. It takes a lot of gall to expect FT wages for PT work.

If the worker said to her boss "Oh, btw, I need to leave at 3:30 ever single day because I took a part-time job starting then; don't worry I'll log in a few times in the evening to make up for it" they'd be laughed out of the workplace.

Parents are always claiming it's "a job" looking after kids. So bascially OP wants to be paid full time for doing her other "job" of watching her kid from 3:30 onward while glancing at her e-mails occasionally. Instead of hiring someone to look after the kid during business hours.

Not surprised the employer said "No thanks."

Worked in dept where employer gave extra £ for childcare when parent was on overnight trip.

One woman, asked for same getting dog care for overnight which she said was more ££ than for a child. They paid it. Ultimately, when not travelling, her fur baby was home alone all day & and had to give him up. She would not pay for daytime dog care …

YABU. The job pays what it pays bf or the advertised hours. If you couldn’t do them you shouldn’t have applied.

Also echoing the comments that you’ve actually been really lucky that they’re effectively offering you a part time contract in a pretty senior role. I’d bite that offer tbh. Finishing at 3.30 sounds great. Also why can’t you do wrap around care? So many women seem to shoot themselves in the foot by rigidly sticking to school pick up time.

Good point. Why apply for a job if one isn't willing to .... do the job.

Back to my favorite interview & application question
Is there any reason you would not be able to be at work location for the hours / days required?

Similar to - any reason you would not be able to conduct the work as required / described ?

Weeds put people who actually want different schedules or for some reason can’t do a fairly standard thing (ride in a lift, work alongside an omnivore, travel to other local worksites, or use WhatsApp)

I’m glad I work for a family friendly company. Many wonderful hardworking woman leave at 3 to collect the kids and log on later - or start earlier.

We aren’t ’picking Up the slack’ if anything they don’t take breaks or lunch - so use their time wisely.

Woman helping woman?? Nice one ladies

I’m glad I work for a family friendly company. Many wonderful hardworking woman leave at 3 to collect the kids and log on later - or start earlier.

No blokes leaving to collect their kids?

Lots of Holier Than Thou subservient jobs worths on tonight.