To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

Get childcare and work the hours they want.

Do what the rest of us have to do and get wrap around care till you finish work? On that pay this really is a non issue.
I used to work in wrap around care and people on a hell of a lot less have to pay for before/after school child care.
I can’t imagine there are many jobs you can just pop out for an hour during school pick up. Imagine shop staff all having to stop working to go and pick up their kids.
Get a grip on reality.

At that wage I’d be using some sort of childcare or pickup service. (It’s unclear if dd is old enough to entertain herself while you work a few hours or she needs a childminder or after school care)

It’s nothing to do with you being a woman. You are being very unreasonable. If it were a single Dad I’m sure they would say exactly the same thing to him.

It’s a simple fact when you have children - you either pay for before/after school childcare so that you can work. Or you find a term-time only job 9-3.

It sounds like you were lulled into a false sense of security by your very flexible previous employer. And I think your potential new employer is still more flexible than most!!

Crazy times we live in that people are shocked that having a day job means dedicating your day to the job.

It's not the 'middle of the workday' if OP is popping out at 3pm to pick up her child.

Personally I find I'm most effective working during the morning which is when I do the deep work that requires deep concentration. Post lunch I'm doing admin or work that doesn't require a huge amount of effort. It's been proven that it's not effective to try and work consistently hard throughout the day but better to do so in bursts. In OP's case, this could be in the morning and perhaps a couple of hours in the evening after she has picked up her DC.

What is this obsession with the strict adherence to working 9am - 6pm and if you work a minute less during those hallowed hours then your are cheating your employer?!

FWIW I earn over £100k and pick up my son from school 2-3 times a week. I have several direct reports, some of whom I know are offline during the working day. They get the job done so I don't see it as any of my concern if they pop out for a couple of hours to go to the gym, school run or whatever.

On a pro-rata of £95k I don't think they'd be short of applicants😆 It would be perfect for my retired DH, let me know if they do want someone, OP!

I’d be inclined to go back and say ‘It’s sorted. I’ll work full time for 95k thanks v much.’ And I’d just carry on nipping out and picking her up,

Yeah, that'll work.

Sounds more like a single parent tax. If you had a partner, they could perhaps handle. the pick ups.

But as others have suggested, there's always wrap around childcare to explore. I went to my friend's house before and after school as a child whilst both my parents worked. Her granny looked after us and my parents paid her. It was nice.

This completely.

There are childcare options that you can use during your core working hours.

On £95K you pay for someone else to do the pick-ups. 🙄

Everyone seems to be ignoring that the OP is currently doing this - her current employer allows it.

Nobody’s ignoring that. Her current employer isn’t paying her £95k.

Actually as a child free woman it fucks me off when other men and women fuck off at 2.45 to collect their kids and log in from home whilst minding their kids. I’d like to have the opportunity to finish my last few hours at home avoiding traffic etc but don’t because I don’t have kids.

it’s right if you need to finish at 3.30 you aren’t paid. They could have said no role is 9-5 you work it or you don’t have the job. You’ve already been afforded flexibility.

separate but equally irritating, being told as a child free woman I should work Xmas because I have kids and Christmas is for kids!!!

where does the accommodation for choices people make end? You chose to have children and presumably knew you needed to work to afford them.

That is a very high salary OP and normally what comes with that is a high dedication to the job. I always advocate for flexible working and know firsthand how hard it is for mothers to negotiate higher salaries and renter the workforce but I do think on this occasion you might be being slightly unreasonable in your expectations with that sort of salary on the table.

Put her in afterschool club or use a childminder like many other people.

Maybe if you get your foot in the door they might be more flexible once you become more established in the job.

You don’t know that she’s “disappearing for hours”, you’ve just extrapolated that. If this is standard in her current role then her DC are used to it. Quick trip to school to pick up, back home, snack and TV and start your homework in half an hour, mum back working.

The skill she’s demonstrating is the ability to think outside the box. Something that’s lacking on this thread.

Also, she says evening work is expected. So the organisation knows parents will have children at home
in the evening.

An after school childminder is perfect for this situation, especially for a child who needs to chill after school.
After school Clubs suit the livelier child in my opinion
It's Tax Deductible OP

On that kind of salary, they're probably expecting parents have an au pair or nanny available while they're working evenings.

EG94 · Today 17:56
yes I 100% agree with you on that one EG. I say that and I have kids myself.

It is a real pet peeve of mine when childless people make out they’re missing out on something when someone with a kid has to nip out to pick them up, or work from home when their kid has a sickness bug.

There isn’t a secret club where we are all having a laugh with our super fun jobs we have to do as a parent alongside other responsibilities like working.
Its a school run, not leaving early to join in at a fucking Mardi Gras.

Maybe you can sit and seethe about it when you get home from work/at the weekend, with all that ACTUAL free time you have.

Don't be so bitter, you’re not missing out on all the fun, and grow tf up.

YABU

That is a very high wage so you’ll need to be completely focused on work - not half an eye on your child. They have offered you a compromise- if you don’t want to take it then you’ll have to pay for after school club

I can't answer without knowing the super special reason why you can't book after school club and who will be looking after her while you work.

thank you. I have dogs, fully my choice but if I don’t want them home all day I have to pay to put them in doggy day care. I do my level best to book vets appointments for evenings / annual leave. On the few occasions they’ve needed it in work time, I have said I know this is my problem and you’re welcome to say no but I can’t get an appointment this week after work can I make up time and leave early or start late. If they said no I wouldn’t take it against them. Fortunately it’s a very rare occurrence and they’ve always said it’s fine, I put in more than I take so go ahead.

does boil my piss tho the entitlement of some parents

Says someone who benefits from it. It’s infuriating being on the other side of this. Working in a small team where one or two people are constantly “nipping out” creates so much bad feeling. People with no or adult children get really pissed off at carrying you.

£95k single income isn’t having a nanny territory.