No intimacy for five years

[Graciegremlin]

Hi I've changed my username just in case as this could be outing. Just as the title says really, literally no intimacy for five years (well 5.5 now). Been married 14 years and together 17. No children together but three grown up boys between us.
DH is semi retired, 10 years older than me and I'm a mature student studying towards a degree. I have raised this issue many times and DH will break down in tears and insist it's not me but him, that he feels fat and old etc etc. Despite me reassuring him it hasn't amounted to anything and now I am feeling pretty rejected (not to mention very lonely). I have woken up once or twice in the night to him pleasuring himself so I'm assuming everything is in working order, but clearly not for me.
What the heck do I do? I've never felt so undesired. I'm in good shape, look younger than my 50 years and make an effort with my appearance.
In a fit of anger, last time I brought the issue up I asked if he would consider an open marriage as I needed to feel closeness with someone. As you can imagine, this was met with complete disagreement. Any advice?

Generally the advice these days is to find out the cause of the loss of libido, work at improving the situation, and if it doesn’t get better, to split up. There is a general acceptance that sex is a normal part of marriage unless both partners agree otherwise.

“In my case it's not just the sex it's the no holding hands, no hugs, no goodbye/hello kisses, no connection whatsoever. It's like he's emotionally checked out and I feel that the "reasons" he's given and how "upset" he's been when I've raised it haven't been genuine.”

This stands out more to me than the lack of sex. He’s making you feel lonely.
When you bring this up what is his excuse? Not feeling good about oneself surely wouldn’t impact a kiss goodbye or a hug?

There was an AIBU where a woman was masturbating next to her sleeping husband. The consensus was a long as he's asleep it was OK.

They'd get told it was none of his business what his wife chose to do, and that he was denying her the right to do as she pleased with her body.

That would very quickly be followed up with does he do his fair share of the household chores, childcare and life admin.

Leave.

He has clearly checked out so it is down to you to make the change to make your life happier or at least have the chance of that. You don’t have kids together or even small ones in the house. The relationship has run its course I’m afraid.

it’s either leave and start again
stay and get used to it.
stay and have an affair or a few hook ups.

Different people have different opinions.

SHOCKER!

Yawn.