5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Yes. That really happened.

In her womb?

Not a chance I’d send a 5 year old into a public toilet alone.

I have read a thread on MN where there were people arguing that it should happen because otherwise there is too high a chance of a girl seeing a penis. I think those people are absolute nutjobs. Children too young to go in alone go with their parents to whichever are the right facilities for their parents. As I said, this is all I've ever seen done in real life.

8 or 9. Stand outside. It’s nerve wracking at first, but once they met have managed it a few times you will relax.

I think it's a bit different taking a child into the ladies' toilets where everyone is using cubicles and taking boys over 8 into changing rooms. Most women's changing rooms are open plan as there is a presumption that all the occupants are female.

Little boys DO often stare at women changing and however innocently, women should not have to put up with this.

And then everyone applauded.

Oops, should have read the full thread. Sorry, @Butchyrestingface .
(Although in my defence I've seen Tras on here post even more ridiculous crap..!)

When my DS was little I would take him to swimming at my gym and the notices said 8. So I assumed that was pretty much the norm and stuck to that, ie started sending him into the men's everywhere when he turned 8. Unless your DS looks very much older than he is (and i cant imagine a 5 yo looking 8) this woman is batshit.

I take my son into the women’s’ toilet if he needs to go. I’m not sending him alone into a place where he can see grown men standing at urinals. If another women says something then I’d either wait outside til she’s finished or I’d smile and take him into the cubicle.

Your friend should speak to the pool to find an alternative changing space or she should not take him swimming. Regardless of the autism, her son's requirement for a changing space doesn't trump the privacy and dignity of girls and women using the space. A teenage boy, regardless of disability does not belong in the women's changing rooms.

Another thread about things that didn’t happen, it’s getting ludicrous now 😂😂

Sure Jan.

I agree. But if there are private changing cubicles he’d come with me.

I don't think you understand what I am saying despite the fact I've repeated it several times and (think) I've been clear.

I am not in favour of men coming into the women's toilets with their daughter. But I acknowledge it is something that happens. I would strongly prefer it didn't.

I am simply pondering the question about why it's ALWAYS women who have to accommodate males in their facilities.

MN literally abounds with tales of men coming into women's facilities with their daughters and saying they don't want to take them into the male toilets.

But women don't take their sons into the men's. So it's always WOMEN who have to tolerate male presence in their facilities on the grounds of "well, he's only 10" or "he's 15 but he's disabled").

Really just an observation that the same never happens in reverse.

When I am out with my friends eight-year-old who is autistic, I bring him with me into the ladies if I am not changing him. If I am changing him, I do bring him to the disabled toilet but don’t use the toilet in the disabled toilet for myself after a bad experience where he opened the bathroom door and legged it in a very public space. At least in the ladies toilet cubicle, I can keep my foot against the door.

8 years is the general rule, I do find this difficult though as my 8 year old is autistic & doesn’t feel comfortable going into the men’s alone, but I also don’t want to make girls uncomfortable in the ladies!

''I am simply pondering the question about why it's ALWAYS women who have to accommodate males in their facilities.''

In this case its mothers with their young/unborn children, so the issue is should they have to create yet more separate facilities, just because some adult men want to be in there with all of us?

Careful.

I got accused of being a TRA for that kind of #wrongthink cynicism.

So you think OP was reporting on a TERF? How bizarre. Terfs aren’t idiots. The trouble is, so many people are.
Gender critical women fought for safeguarding the vulnerable! And that would be not allowing a child to go to the gents alone and to keep Ladies free of adult males. Who unfortunately, statistically, are the sexual risk.

I took all of mine into the ladies toilets until they were at least 8 or 9 then used to stand outside of a men’s public toilet talking loudly to them for another year or two. Because in the early 80’s when mine were little there was a horrendous sickening story of something that happened to a young boy who went into a men’s public toilet. Don’t google it

@Butchyrestingface Seems a lot of people are slow on the uptake this morning.

I don't know what you mean by 'reporting on a TERF'. But I suspect you didn't understand my meaning. I really can't elaborate as troll hunting isn't allowed on here.

I agree though. Gender Critical people aren't idiots. We are very reasonable people (I am, anyway).

The guidance is under 8s isn't it. So that woman was

a) completely wrong
b) never had kids / or didn't have a boy
c) giving a completely OTT reaction to an innocent & harmless 5 year old child

If someone had said this to me, I'd come straight back at them with the guidance, it's always in my mind when I take my 5 year old into the ladies loos.

Of course it’s okay. Tell anyone who says otherwise to shush.