5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

This. Well said.

I’ll take ‘Things That Never Happened’ for 500…

A 5 year old needs supervision, absolutely fine in the womens changing rooms.

Tell her to go use the Cheeky Bitch toilets.

Is he tall for his age so she might have thought he was older?
In any case, 5 year olds absolutely should go in the toilet of the parent they are with. 8 is a reasonable cut off with a little leeway for development differences.
But you are completely justified in using the disabled facilities in your situation if you'd prefer that, especially as he gets older.

I’m sorry, but 13 is too old. Your friend needs to start discussions with the pool about how they accommodate all disabled or vulnerable people, adults or children, who need support with changing.

My friend is exactly the same with her 13 year old son, he is also autistic but more then capable of going into the men’s.

I stopped swimming with her but I won’t go anywhere with her now if she brings her son because he follows her into the ladies toilets and it’s caused arguments and comments on multiple occasions, he’s a big lad who looks much older.

I refuse to back her up and don’t agree with her encouraging him, he goes to the men’s at school and when he stays with his dad and he’s fine, my friend doesn’t see that she’s upsetting multiple women and girls for the sake of her son, our friendship has almost ended over this.

I think this is where some “gender neutral” (ridiculous phrase) spaces would be beneficial, it would be very helpful for disabled adults needing help with changing and personal care or who need to have a support worker of the opposite sex entering single sex facilities.

Under 8’s has always been the guidance

Around 8 they tend to want to go to the men’s anyway. It seems innate in them to know when it’s time and right for them.

I think it does raise a question about why females are always expected to accommodate males in the women’s toilets (whether because they’re under ten, or disabled, etc).

Men bring their little girls into the women’s toilets. That makes sense in a way, since they will eventually use the women’s facilities on their own.

But the same principle doesn’t work in reverse. Everyone and their dog takes their sons into the women’s facilities. So men don’t have to tolerate with the presence of females in their toilets but women always have to accommodate males. And this thread alone shows the discrepancy of thinking around what age and stage should be a cut off.

Of course it's fine. Secondary age is the cut off.

Yeah I don't think this is appropriate sorry.
There are other options that don't involve just saying fuck you to all women at the expense of one male -the disabled facility, changing at home, only going swimming when a male friend or family member can go with him, going to a pool with village style changing even if it means being a bit further away....

It doesn't matter if he's in a cubicle, he still has to walk through the rest of the female changing room.

8 has been the guideline most places for a reason. I'd say about ten should be a hard cut off.

A 5 year old should definitely be using the toilet of whichever parent they're with. I'd agree with others that 8 is about right for going on their own bits it depends on the child and the place. For example mine would use their own sex toilets at our David Lloyd club or small local restaurants from 5 or 6, but accompany me or DH into the toilets at motorway services until 8 or 9.

A shame that things have reached such a pass apparently only one person was able to detect the EXTREME SARCASM in my post.

Still, lesson learned. emoji overload all the way in future.

5 is fine

7 is getting a bit too old

The cut off is when they’re old enough to have the nous to understand potential danger, and scream/run if they need to.

Not to derail, but why can't he used the disabled?

I’d say 12
as predators hang around in male toilets

Your comment, sarcasm or not, was completely unnecessary and goading. No need to put the gender ideology aspect on it at all.

8/9 is fine, older if they're disabled and need support. My DS is significantly affected by autism, so came in with me until he was 12, he was clearly disabled, but not willing to have me in the cubicle with me, so i'd sit outside and talk to him.

As a wheelchair user If they're perfectly able bodied, and don't need help to pee, or supervision, the disabled toilet is not an acceptable alternative.

Ignore that interfering woman it's your child and no way should a 5 year old go in the men's toilets on their own!!
I think my ds was about 9/10 before I allowed him in the men's toilets and I waited outside the door.. I always felt very anxious you do see some very creepy men in and out of the men's toilets 🤣
My ds had speech difficulties as a child and was very vulnerable but I would be if been the same either way.. do not let your 5 year old go in a men's toilets alone you know best ignore that woman

Yup, the general consensus seems to be under 8, but I continued to older than this with my small autistic son. It was utterly brutal. He was so anxious about leaving my side, yet I didn’t feel I could continue taking him in the ladies after a certain point. Some places he will now go on his own but some things we have had to stop doing. There are several places that have separate disabled changing rooms, but then you have to use the lockers in either the men’s or women’s changing, and if you can’t leave a child to go to the lockers or take them with you you’ve got a problem. Yes, I’m sure we could ask for help in some places, but we need calm predictability and minimal waiting around, and that’s never achievable as soon as you start asking for things, so we don’t go. It is a real shame. We recently tried a swimming pool with separate changing rooms several times and I’d came out the women’s changing to find him standing, dripping wet, with ear defenders on in reception because the men’s was too noisy. He can regulate with me there but not without me there.

I detected gender ideology in the OP and responded in kind.

I wouldn’t think twice about a five year old in the lady’s.

I honestly think it would be because of this, men's toilets are disgusting. I hate unisex toilets for this reason.

My son is neurotypical but very tall for his age so looked 8 or 9 at 6 which was harder. About 8 he started going to the mens by himself.