5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Very, VERY.

As I say though, lesson learned. I will litter any such posts with a litany of in future. Or maybe just avoid wholesale. In the words of Lex Luther, you gave them eyes, Lord. But they do not see.

Sorry I know you didn’t. The first part was in regards to your post, the 2nd wasn’t.

I don’t know what age tbh, I know we are getting to it. He is becoming more reluctant to come into the ladies now so sometimes we use the disabled toilet. I don’t like doing that though, especially if there’s only one. I will judge it as I need to I suppose. He’s vulnerable though and the thought of sending him alone makes me feel ill.

Women use cubicles and are rarely if ever showing any nudity. In the men’s with urinals it’s not as discreet. And yes they are gross according to my oh and my son still wouldn’t stand to go so my oh doesn’t even like taking him into them.

I have saw men standing outside the ladies and sending daughters in, but never in with them. I don’t have daughters so I don’t know what we would have done tbh. It probably is more difficult in those circumstances. But then women don’t (as a general rule) pose as much risk to children as men do.

The woman's a moron! I would have told her so as well, but I am at the age now where I don't care 🤣

What about the naked women and girls he sees on the way to the cubicle, who don't want a teenage boy viewing them, does their comfort not matter to your friend?

Any child over the age of 8 needs to use the facilities for their own sex. If they aren't able because of physical or neurological disabilities, they should use the disabled facilities with their parent, even if it means waiting. That's what they are provided for.

No one is an exception to the rule, it's not about the child/teen, it's about the privacy of those who the facility is intended for.

A 5 year old is clearly fine, at 6 I'm starting to prepare ds to use toilets alone, he'll come in with me but I won't assist in any way so he gets used to locking/opening cubicles, using soap pumps/ automatic taps etc.

There is no way in hell I would let a 5 y.o. go to a men's toilet on his own a nd I certainly won't go to a men's toilet accompanying him. She was beyond ridiculous. What a twat!

If your child is autistic, you can use a disabled toilet. If there isn't one available, stick to women's. If another idiot questions you again, tell her to complain to management.

Seriously.....

You are then ignoring the needs of that teenage boy….disabled and learning disabled children ,(depending on their particular conditions ) can also go through puberty, develop secondary sexual characteristics, can have sexual desires and needs , it is wrong to infantilise a disabled teenager and we must also respect THEIR privacy hence why we have disabled / accessible facilities .

Five is fine.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a primary school aged boy was in the ladies with his mum.

Tbh, I wouldn’t care if a teenage boy was in the ladies with his mum. I would assume that he had additional needs that were none of my business.

No way would I let my 5 year old son go into men’s loos on his own. My 8 year old son has started to, although I’m still a bit hesitant depending where we are - but he got uncomfortable going into the ladies so that’s fine.

My husband used to go into ladies loos when the kids were babies to change them if that’s where the change facilities were and he was on his own. He always used to shout in first and tell people what he was doing and no one ever had an issue with it.

I wouldn’t send a 5 year old into a public toilet on their own, be it male or female. But if I was changing the nappy of a 5 year old, I’d do it in the disabled toilet, for their own dignity.

Women don’t want to take their children in to the men’s toilet though. Why should women like OP have to go in to the men’s toilet with her 5 year old just to satisfy you that men are being made uncomfortable by her presence? What about OP’s feelings about being uncomfortable while in there? All because you want to prove a point.

I do actually think he should go in the men's to be honest. I think he's capable and yes at 13 I think it's too old to get away with it.
It's not that he needs help at all.

I just think my friend has left it to him to decide and he doesn't feel confident. (And my friend I think thinks it's not 100 per cent safe either).

At our swimming pools where I live it's mixed changing but where she lives it's separate changing

But yes I think if I try say something it's something that might damage friendship etc.

It depends on the child's abilities / common sense and the location. Some locations even an adult doesn't like going in alone! There is no right answer... it's up to the parent.

OP you are either making this up on the back of the ludicrous example set by RMW yesterday on the radio, or the woman in question is an absolute nutter.

I have an 8 year old DS. He now goes into most mens toilets by himself (restaurants, attractions, swimming changing rooms, etc.) but there are still some situations where I wouldn't feel comfortable e.g. busy city centre public toilets - what happens if he comes out before I come out of the ladies? In some places I'd not feel comfortable him standing alone in a public place, he's still a small child!
Personally I have no issue whatsoever with a primary school aged boy in the ladies. They're still young children and there's nothing to see as all toilets are cubicles. It's more of an issue when DH takes DD out as mens toilets are gross and much more 'open'

I'm angry on your behalf, I'd have made sure I let her know my opinion on her opinion.

YANBU at all but also I think it’s fine to use the disabled toilet. The reason your 5yo needs changing is due to his disability; the disabled loo is for him.

Five is totally fine, I think about 8 is normal depending on individual needs.

As I posted, I had exactly the same lunacy with my then-6yo, so I'm quite sure it's true. In my case I don't know if it was cultural differences, lunacy or looking for a row. Probably a mix of all 3.

She sounds a bit nuts.

I think it’s worse for a young boy to be going into the men’s alone, with urinals etc. In the women’s there is nothing to see everyone is in a cubicle. Primary school age is fine to be in the women’s in my opinion,

I take my nearly 6 year old into the female toilets with me . There’s no way I’d allow him into the gents on his own .

I would never let a five year old go into public toilets on their own.

Ah my meaning was misunderstood here, I meant the 5 yr old boy in the ladies is fine with me as 5 is young to go alone in the men's

Sexual predators also prey on young boys. Male toilets are too easy for that to happen, continue protecting your son, abuse will affect them for years to come and you have a right to do what you can to avoid that happening.