5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Yup, 13 Yr old boy here- autism & epilepsy so we use the disabled toilet. That's what they're for.

Of course a 5 year old little boy is fine in the ladies with his mum.

I wouldn't take my 7 year old boy in any more and he goes in the men's changing room at the pool as well (there is a male attendant in there).

But 5 is well within the bounds of acceptable and I don't think you'd find many women who wouldn't understand that.

shes a stupid woman. Of course you can’t send your 5 year old into the men’s toilet alone.

Why? As all the signs say, not all disabilities are visible (or to do with toileting). There could be a myriad of reasons why someone could access the disabled toilet but not the standard ones. Are their disabilities not good enough for you?

I do feel that’s an (another) issue that needs to be addressed though, rather than women being expected to tolerate secondary school aged males in their facilities because the men’s are rank:

I also hate unisex toilets but am in favour of them as an additional third space. So often now they seem to be used as a replacement though.

@LoveFridaynight this

all of the business is conducted in a cubicle anyway

please explain to me what disabilities are not covered by my caveat? of 'perfectly able bodied, not needing supervision or help'
that covers every disability physical, emotional and mental.

A 'normal' non disabled child and parent shouldn't be in the disabled loo because the parent isn't comfortable letting them go potty without them when they're over 8

I think at 5 you're perfectly ok to take him in. I would have.

5 is completely fine.
With my 6 year old it depends where we are - he does prefer going into the men's and if alone and a small toilet then I let him on the basis I've seen nobody is in it and I stand outside the door.

Anywhere busy or unfamiliar and he comes in with me

She's being ridiculous.

I have never saw a man take a girl to the ladies or a woman take a boy to the men’s. Surely people would have more issue with this as it’s adults?

I still take my 10yr old boy into the ladies. Unless his dad or older brothers are with us. There’s no way I’m sending him into the men’s alone. I have never had any issue from anyone. He is quite small and is autistic though so maybe that’s why we don’t get grief. I will take the judgement over putting my son at risk any day of the week though.
I don’t know what kind of a person has an issue with a 5yr old.

I take my 6 year old in the women’s with me. He’s not going anywhere on his own yet.
They are young kids at that age!

What a stupid woman. I’d never have sent Gds at 5 into the men’s on his own. 8 is generally thought OK if no SN.
At my David Lloyd boys over 8 are expected to use the male changing room/loos.

I've never seen a man take his daughter into the women's toilets/changing room, and think it would be completely inappropriate for him to do so. Children go with their parents - so I take my young sons into the ladies if we're out alone together, a man with a young daughter takes her into the men's if they're out alone.

I'm not sure there is a cut-off, I think it depends on the individual child.

I don't have an issue with any boy being in the ladies toilet if they are accompanied by a woman. I don't understand the issue, women use cubicles.

Anything up to 8 I’d say.
I wouldn’t be remotely bothered by a 5 year old boy in the ladies with his mum/grandma/ aunty.

My DTs are 7 (b/g) and I still insist my ds comes into the ladies with me and will keep doing it until I feel confident he knows what to do in the extremely unlikely event he meets an unpleasant man in the male toilets.

If it’s not busy and he’s throwing a fit at the idea of the ladies toilets we’ll go into the disabled ones and be as quick as we can.

The only time I’m agreeable to him using the men’s toilets alone is at a family friendly venue like soft play because they’re busy with lots of dads and other kids so I think it’s slightly lower risk for him.

5 imho is way too young to be using the men’s toilet alone.

There’s no way I’m sending him into the men’s alone.

I wasn't suggesting you send him into the men's alone.

I was pondering why there are boys being brought into the women's toilets, including by men (yes, it does happen), but women never accompany their boys into the men's toilets, a facility they will, presumably, ultimately be one day using.

I personally would not have objected to a five year old in the women's presence but on this thread, you see a plethora of views about what is an acceptable age to stop bringing boys into women's facilities - from 8 right through to secondary school.

Do you have any thoughts on what age you'll be sending him into the men's alone?

Tell Her to go swivel, the cheeky mare .
There is nothing wrong in what you did, and I done the same when my now adult 4 were all that kind of age.
Some people (Her) need to wind their necks in and pipe down.
No way would any of mine use the Men's alone until about 9 or so, if I recall correctly (all a long time ago as the youngest is now 21)

I agree it's not ideal/inappropriate. But it happens.

And if you believe even half the threads you read on MN, it happens a lot (!)

I think you're fine to take him in the ladies. But equally I think you're absolutely entitled to use the disabled facilities if needed or more comfortable.

Ladies are all in cubicles anyway? You’re doing the right thing, keep him with you or use the disabled toilet. ignore her!

It really depends on the toilet. DS has used the single room type toilets in a cafe since he was 5, gents in quieter locations since he was 6. In a very busy shopping centre I don't like him going alone at 7, but it's fine with a friend. I did have one woman try to shoo him out of the ladies when he was 6, so I told her to leave him alone, but I think it was a sort of set-up that she'd come up with to try and start a row. Didn't work. In general I would expect boys up to 8 with mum, but over that only if they have additional needs. Judging age and needs is difficult enough for everyone to leave lots of leeway though, DS is taller at 7 than some littler secondary school boys near us.

Swimming is a different challenge, it's hard for a 7yo to get the swim top off wet, as well as washing hair properly, drying and moisturising properly. I do think swimming needs to be 8 minimum or even 9, or have family changing room options.

OP’s son is five though. So yes you should accommodate him. It’s a no brainer for me that little boys go in with their mums and is always the done thing.

My boys used to come in to the ladies with me when they were little and it didn’t have any impact on their ability to go in to the mens later on.
The fact that you would willingly accommodate a man just because he’s bringing his daughter in makes me think you mustn’t be that bothered really. And just enjoy being awkward toward these pesky mums with boys.

I think the issue with women in the mens with their sons is the urinals, it means most men won't want to pee while she is in there, whereas in the womens loo, its all closed cubicles.

I think the only time i ever knew a woman take her lad into the mens is when there is a friend there present to tell men going in that she was in there... when me and my friend did it, most of the men opted to wait til she came back out.