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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 12/05/2025 17:06

I find it bizarre that she was swearing and shouting at your child and not one FA noticed?

Also , rather than the performative talking to your child why did you not just explain to the woman that she was struggling to fit the seat, you were very sorry and you’d continue to try and stop it - address the adult you child is disturbing

You could have paid £60 to move

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:06

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

So you should have had your hands on her legs the entire time then

zaxxon · 12/05/2025 17:09

I've been on flights and had a kid kicking my seat from behind repeatedly. It was mildly annoying, but I didn't get all sweary and aggressive about it, because I'm not a complete bitch

Sodullincomparison · 12/05/2025 17:09

You didn’t even take her shoes off? You weren’t really looking to solve the problem I think.

you have to be prepared for a flight- no child likes to be in a restrictive seat for hours.
drinks
snacks
tablet
headphones
comfy clothes
shoes off straight away
colouring
travel pillow

nobody’s else journey should be made uncomfortable because of your lack or preparation. Who doesn’t have a drink for their child?

we just flew to Ibiza on the party flight - turns out that’s the best entertainment our 7 year old had ever seen!!! A very loud singalong.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 12/05/2025 17:09

Don’t take your DD on a plane again until she can behave. It sounds atrocious and you don’t seem remotely bothered that she was disturbing and upsetting everyone else.

my children never behaved like that.

ThatShyRoseViper · 12/05/2025 17:10

This is clearly some sort of gentle parenting going on here. “I was guiding her…”

No, you tell them and shut the poor behaviour down.

MixedBananas · 12/05/2025 17:10
  1. remove her shoes
  2. have her sit cross legged
  3. unless you have family abroad and need to travel then kids should not fly before age 5/6
  4. the woman was waaaaay OTT but you can't control others you can control yourself and your children though.

Inhave 2 DC 8months and 3 years. Their DGs live 12 hour flight away! Elderly and want to see GC before they pass.
We prepped. We remived DS shoes as soon as we boarded and seated. We had a bassinate for baby. We had downloaded some videos from newpipe, his own backpack with his water, snacks and activity set with colouring and his fabourite toy. He cried at take off and landing first time and scared but only for a couple mins. He was no bother to any passengers. We actually found the adukts to be very rude and inconsiderate to our DC. Having bright white lights shinning above to read their boring novels shen DC were trying to fall asleep.

If it wasn't for relatives abroad I would never ever fly with children until they are able to sit and be patient for a flight and I know my parents never took us anywhere until I was 7 years old and this was pre tablets and phones etc.

ExpressCheckout · 12/05/2025 17:10

@FairPlayer274 But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it

Here in Europe generally aeroplanes are not seen as just another form of public transport and, for many people, a trip on a plane is the most expensive and stressful part of a long-sought holiday (vacation).

I've flown recently and I the only thing I was stressed about before the flight was that I might be sat near young children or badly behaved adults. In the end, it was fine, sat next to a nice young man 😂

Rightly or wrongly, kids on aircraft will always annoy people and so parents really do need to consider others when booking flights and paying for appropriate seating etc. Most do, but a big minority don't.

BellissimoGecko · 12/05/2025 17:11

Sounds like there is fault on both sides. The other woman had paid to sit in her seat without it being kicked.

You should have been more organised with non-electronic toys/books, drinks, etc.

And you never know what’s going on in other people’s lives, do you? Maybe your kid kicking her seat was the last straw for the woman.

And your dc won’t remember a thing about this flight or this holiday, so I don’t think you can trot out the ‘kids need to experience travel’ thing. You could have driven to the Highlands and hiked and camped there. And she still wouldn’t remember it at 4!

WayneEyre · 12/05/2025 17:12

The woman shouldn't have sworn but goodness, you're handy with the excuses. I get the impression you're not very well in control of situations and it's 'who, me??' when someone isn't accommodating.

Theroadt · 12/05/2025 17:12

Totally agree shd shouldn’t have sworn at you or your child. But you weren’t controlling it, and now you are minimising it. They paid for their seats same way you did. A friend used to have to do a long trip regularly when her kids were small. She ysed to promise them if they sat quietly, colouring in, snacks etc, playing a quiet game, being read to, they could have the tablet for the second half of the trip. Worked like magic. I’vd had the same thing when my two were little. 4 is not 2 - old enough to behave. Sorry, OP, this one is on your parenting.

TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 17:12

OP, your daughter is not in any way, shape or form ready for air travel.

You can't just do what you want and expect everyone else to suck it up. Do you have ANY idea how annoying and disruptive you both were?

There is no excuse. And no excuse for forgetting the drinks, etc. I can only imagine how annoying it was for the pasengers around you.

Sometimes we can't do everything we want when we have small children. Please have some consideration for others.

And sorry, I don't buy the bullshit about her legs. I am a 5' adult woman with short legs and the seats cut me off in an awkward spot too, but I have never kicked a seat in front of me. And my legs are longer than hers. You put your legs to the side. Or, in her case, she could have sat cross-legged in the seat with the belt around her lap.

Butchyrestingface · 12/05/2025 17:13

Both sides unreasonable. The other woman's behaviour was obviously outrageous - probably angling for a free upgrade.

If you can't get your daughter to stop kicking, then book seats with extra legroom in future. You know there's an issue at the moment. No-one, whether they are as extreme as that woman or not, is going to be thrilled at the back of their seat being kicked repeatedly throughout a journey.

lonelynessworksforme · 12/05/2025 17:13

I was on a 12 hour flight from bangkok and the kid behind my seat was awful.
She was 5 kicking screaming shouting none stop until she fell asleep.
Someone on my row said please turn her down the mum said shes 5 ffs get a life.
About 4 hours of sleep the kid kicked of again kicking my seat at that point i just said look either shut her up or go stand in the loo.
I got told to shut up she dont understand shes a child.
I was so pleased to hear we are now coming in to landing.
My head was pounding an so was others.
3 weeks later on my way to spain short flight kid behind me kick kick kick.
Now i pay more for first class.

WonderingWanda · 12/05/2025 17:13

I have sympathy op. I had a similar issue when I flew with dd when she was 4. She wasn't kicking the seat but there were 2 issues. Firstly her legs were too short to bend in the right place for her feet to angle downwards so they just stuck out over the end of the seat and secondary the seat was slippery leather ( or fake leather) so she kept sliding down into the dip which caused her feet to hit the chair in front. We did take her shoes off but a very grumpy woman in the seat in front did the same, shouted at my dd. I tried to explain the issue and as soon as we could (seatbelt sign off we all swapped seats. The woman in front was really quite nasty about it. I would never excuse or condone kicking but think it is hard hard to stop small kids feet sliding forwards in a big seat.

MySweetGeorgina · 12/05/2025 17:14

Having your seat kicked by a kid, who is being ineffectually parented is not fun 😅

it drives me mad when that happens, I am afraid you did not manage the situation well but you did try and you are learning (as we all are)

Ask yourself in all honesty if you are ok with your seat being kicked intermittently by a kid behind you?

I think the FA should have given them the upgrade tbh

Butchyrestingface · 12/05/2025 17:14

lonelynessworksforme · 12/05/2025 17:13

I was on a 12 hour flight from bangkok and the kid behind my seat was awful.
She was 5 kicking screaming shouting none stop until she fell asleep.
Someone on my row said please turn her down the mum said shes 5 ffs get a life.
About 4 hours of sleep the kid kicked of again kicking my seat at that point i just said look either shut her up or go stand in the loo.
I got told to shut up she dont understand shes a child.
I was so pleased to hear we are now coming in to landing.
My head was pounding an so was others.
3 weeks later on my way to spain short flight kid behind me kick kick kick.
Now i pay more for first class.

What if you pay more for 1st class AND you encounter Chucky Child sitting behind you there?

That's what puts me off 1st.

ZepherinDrouhin · 12/05/2025 17:15

ThatShyRoseViper · 12/05/2025 17:10

This is clearly some sort of gentle parenting going on here. “I was guiding her…”

No, you tell them and shut the poor behaviour down.

My sister had the same issue on a flight to Dubai & the parents just shrugged their shoulders. So my sister very loudly said it was a shame they couldn't they couldn't stop their son. The guy ignored her & told her to shut the fuck up. Then the kid turned round and said the same to his dad really loudly & then to his mum! My sister just smiled at the parents who by this time were squirming with embarrassment! 😀

MummaMummaMumma · 12/05/2025 17:15

We had a truly nasty woman Infront of my daughter recently. She gave us the worst evils before we had even sat down and moaned to her husband she had a kid (7) sitting behind - who was actually a total angel throughout.
She really was NOT kicking her, but she moaned constantly- I was extremely observant.
I moved seats with my daughter and she was still insistent that I was then kicking her!
Told us to shut up every time anyone laughed or coughed!

lonelynessworksforme · 12/05/2025 17:17

Butchyrestingface · 12/05/2025 17:14

What if you pay more for 1st class AND you encounter Chucky Child sitting behind you there?

That's what puts me off 1st.

So far so good ive not had any problems the kids in fist class seem a little older even the younger ones just sit still but that could be due to more leg room.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 12/05/2025 17:17

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:48

I did. Repeatedly.

I'm not sure how she kept 'forgetting'? Don't get me wrong, I know that kids are kids, but unfortunately part of the stress of flying with kids as a parent is making sure you're a step ahead of them at every turn, so they don't do things like repeatedly kick the seat in front.

Dangermoo · 12/05/2025 17:18

You've gone overboard in the language and tone of your BS.

MissMoneyFairy · 12/05/2025 17:20

If you fly again make sure you book the front seats, you won't disturb other passengers and there's more leg room. Take plenty of drinks, snacks and toys to keep your child occupied.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 12/05/2025 17:22

Personally I would never have taken a child at that age on such a long flight. I have had a child kicking the back of my seat though and it’s really irritating when the parent can’t be bothered to stop their DC .

mathanxiety · 12/05/2025 17:22

YANBU..

The bi#ch and her traveling companion were just angling for a free upgrade.