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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:40

DontKnowHelpMe · 12/05/2025 16:39

I might also have swapped seats with her.

I thought that

but then just spreading the misery

nomas · 12/05/2025 16:40

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

It’s ok, sounds like this mardy couple stressed you out.

You did try to make dd stop, if I was WIFOU, I would have appreciated that and just ignored it.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:40

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:34

Well yes, at nearly 4. Children and grandchild.

I just don’t think that works for every child. I’ve had parents sat behind me telling their kids over and over and still not getting them to stop doing whatever behaviour they’re trying to stop. I’m not going to pin it all on their parenting.

OP posts:
catsand · 12/05/2025 16:41

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

Did you take off her shoes and either tell her to bend her knees and put her feet on her own seat or rest your arm on her legs to keep her still? It’s infuriating having your seat kicked.

DontKnowHelpMe · 12/05/2025 16:41

How old does she need to be before you are going to teach her not to? You have to start straight away.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:42

FrodoBiggins · 12/05/2025 16:38

No! But to be fair I'm not THREE YEARS OLD

Your child's behaviour was fairly annoying OP but the WIFOU needs to FO.

Nearly 4. Perfectly old enough, assuming no additional needs, to understand “no, please do not kick the seat in front of you”.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:43

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:34

Do you think it’s fine to kick people’s seats on other forms of public transportation, then?

No, of course it’s not “fine.” But I expect it, and I expect parents to do their best to teach their children to behave well, even if they’re not immediately successful. Kids are kids and they’re still learning self-control.

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 12/05/2025 16:44

How tight was this economy that a 4 year old could not help her feet kicking the seat in front. I'd have told her to sit cross legged although to be honest I don't think I would have been able to get into this seat if the space was that narrow.

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 16:44

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Are you for real!?

PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 16:44

I have two kids and absolutely hate having my seat kicked. I would definitely have said something but wouldn't have lost my mind like that. Totally inappropriate to react like that but totally inappropriate to be in that situation to begin with.

The only time I had an issue is when my son was 12 months and I had to physically hold him down for 12 hours on a flight from the UK to Chicago. He couldn't understand and he just kept flailing around and it was terrible. As soon as my children could understand words though I would just repeat myself a lot - or hold them down if needed. There's no reason to let it happen more than a couple times to be honest.

For future I think it's just a good lesson to be ready if you're flying - have snacks and a drink, have a video ready to go (kids kindle fire is the best - imo - so affordable and really easy for this sort of thing), just be prepared. Take off her shoes, have her sit cross legged if she's at an awkward size and just be more on top of it. Doesn't sound like you travel often so just take these lessons for next time.

minnienono · 12/05/2025 16:44

Don’t let your kids kick the seat, problem solved! I flew 3-4 times a year from birth with mine, mixture of long haul west coast to Europe and within USA and never had this issue, they sat still and were occupied buy the toys and books I brought, iPads hadn’t been invented.

A kid kicking once or twice getting comfortable is to be understood, I gave the kid behind me a bit of an icy stare on a recent long haul trip when they kicked multiple times inside a couple of minutes but parents apologised and got the kid to stop, child about 4/5 years old. Managed to go 9 hours without kicking though I did at one point have them sat on my lap reading a story to give mum and dad a break, I’ve been there reading stories on planes and was appreciative of other passengers taking a stint!

DontKnowHelpMe · 12/05/2025 16:44

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:43

No, of course it’s not “fine.” But I expect it, and I expect parents to do their best to teach their children to behave well, even if they’re not immediately successful. Kids are kids and they’re still learning self-control.

I think you need to take 'do their best' out of that sentence. I'm afraid they just have to do it.

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:44

So your daughter will be starting school in a few months OP… you have some work to do this summer

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:45

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:43

No, of course it’s not “fine.” But I expect it, and I expect parents to do their best to teach their children to behave well, even if they’re not immediately successful. Kids are kids and they’re still learning self-control.

Yes, OP. She will still be learning self control, hence it’s your job to control her. How is that hard to grasp?

pimplebum · 12/05/2025 16:45

take shoes off
get them to cross legs
put jumper in magazine holder in front
run them up and down and all over airport so they are tired when they get on plane
play doh slime
screen all set up ready to go

personally I’d have handed her a sedative and large vodka to knock her out

I would not have tolerated her speaking to my child like that

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

catsand · 12/05/2025 16:41

Did you take off her shoes and either tell her to bend her knees and put her feet on her own seat or rest your arm on her legs to keep her still? It’s infuriating having your seat kicked.

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 16:46

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

Well sure, we all would. But that's just not the amount of space she has. If you have to keep an arm across her legs for the whole flight then so be it - that's your responsibility.

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:47

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

Just remind her to sit crossed legged?

I’m a grown up and I’d love to be able to fly business/first class for more space too! Unfortunately for most people this isn’t an option and you simply need to learn to deal with the little space you are given for a few hours.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:47

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:35

With enough parental guiding, entertainment, shoes off and snacks, yes.

Being a child isn't an excuse to be a pita.

Edited

I was guiding her, feeding her, and trying to keep her entertained

OP posts:
floormops · 12/05/2025 16:47

You should have taken her shoes off straight away. Could you have swapped seats with her?

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 16:48

Why didn't you swap places with yourDd so she couldn't kick the woman

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:48

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:43

No, of course it’s not “fine.” But I expect it, and I expect parents to do their best to teach their children to behave well, even if they’re not immediately successful. Kids are kids and they’re still learning self-control.

How are they supposed to learn if you don’t teach them?

Some things are non-negotiable. Hitting, biting, running away/into the road/kicking the seat of the person in front of you in a public place.

By nearly 4, these things should be ingrained.

YABU

The woman’s foul-mouthed response is another matter. That would not have happened, though, had your daughter not persistently kicked her seat whilst you indulged her.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:48

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:47

Just remind her to sit crossed legged?

I’m a grown up and I’d love to be able to fly business/first class for more space too! Unfortunately for most people this isn’t an option and you simply need to learn to deal with the little space you are given for a few hours.

Edited

I did. Repeatedly.

OP posts:
MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:49

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:47

I was guiding her, feeding her, and trying to keep her entertained

But tbh you didn't do a great job if your 4 yo kept kicking the seat in front of her.

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:50

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

We would all like more space flying, wouldn't we.

Fly buisness/1st class next time.