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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Lovemycat2023 · 12/05/2025 16:50

I don’t really understand the bit about why her legs reached the seat in front of her- she’s little! I could understand more if it was a very tall person and their knees stuck in the seat back. That’s a lot harder to solve (I’m short and I always sympathise with those people). How cramped can a 4 year old be?

PurpleThistle7 · 12/05/2025 16:50

Look we've all been in situations where we get flustered and forget how to do simple things so for me the lesson here is just to think about this next time and be ready for it. You aren't going to have more space, your child isn't going to magically be better behaved... it will happen again in another (hopefully less dramatic) way unless you are more ready to manage it all. Which is 100% your job.

The woman sounds insane but I'm pretty sympathetic really - it is such an annoying feeling!

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 16:50

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:48

I did. Repeatedly.

Good luck in the future. You are full of excuses.

How it did not even occur to you to at least take her shoes off is beyond me.

Theroadt · 12/05/2025 16:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:32

By telling them not to kick the seat?

This. And maybe next time plan ahead so she is occupied/fed/watered. I know it’s tricky.

ZepherinDrouhin · 12/05/2025 16:51

You know your dd can't sit still so next time pay for bigger seats and for the ones in the front row so she's not behind anyone.

Also, book a more convenient time so she's not tired rather than an early morning one. It's not great but there are things you can do to make the flight a more comfortable experience for everyone.

BallerinaRadio · 12/05/2025 16:52

I was begging for your child to stop just reading that so I can only imagine how the woman in front of you felt

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

MiniCooperLover · 12/05/2025 16:53

OP, I do think you could have done more to stop your daughter kicking the chair. That said, it sounds to me like they were also being additionally 'extra' to try and get free upgrades and when that didn't work they took their frustrations out on you and the other children on the flight.

SUPerSaver721 · 12/05/2025 16:53

Your daughter was the problem. How many times did she kick the seat. I've brought 2 kids on aeroplanes from babies and not once have they kicked the seat infront of them. I can't believe you never thought to take her shoes off. How would you have felt to have had a child kicking your seat the whole flight. It's annoying and if it was an early morning flight the woman probably wanted to sleep. Parent Your child better.

Anahg · 12/05/2025 16:53

She shouldn’t have reacted like that but I imagine it’s massively annoying to have the back of your seat kicked, especially on a long haul flight.

You do make a lot of mealy mouthed excuses for failings on your part. Like the cutesy “dumb dumb” bit about not having access to water. You really have to be all over this stuff when you’re flying with kids.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 16:54

I think you were mainly in the wrong here. It is so annoying having a child kick your seat. And you hadn’t even set off so you can see why this woman was angry.

You seemed completely ineffective at stopping a 4 year old from doing something they shouldn’t? I would have been very firm with them. Taken their shoes off, made them sit crossed legged etc.

She shouldn’t have sworn but you were ruining her flight and being very ineffective at parenting your child.

Waitingforspring77 · 12/05/2025 16:54

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

Well it's not appropriate for a fidgety kid to be disrupting other passengers

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 16:55

What did your partner do to stop her kicking?

If you are unable to do the parenting maybe your partner could have taken over?

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:55

The smallest seat pitch (distance from one point in the seat to the same point in the seat in front) is 28".
The average 4 year old is 40" - so about 1/2 of that would be bottom and leg I would think?
So even stuck out dead straight they shouldn't hit the seat in front.

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

faerietales · 12/05/2025 16:56

The other passenger was rude but I would be seriously pissed off to find myself sat in front of a child who was kicking my seat constantly.

At four, your DD is more than capable of sitting still and understanding that kicking other people is totally unacceptable.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:56

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:49

But tbh you didn't do a great job if your 4 yo kept kicking the seat in front of her.

We had to stow her tablet, to which her headphones were connected, under the seat for take off. I gave her my phone; she wanted sound. I gave her snacks— they made her thirsty. I tried different means of keeping her still, and corrected her over and over. I should have remembered the drinks, and thought of removing her shoes, but other than that ?

I think the space situation doomed us. This wasn’t a problem when she was smaller and we flew via a different airline…Live and learn, I guess.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:56

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

You have no idea of the personal circumstances of the other passengers.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 16:56

It doesn’t matter whether you think it was hard or not. She was disturbing the woman in front constantly and you are just minimising it. Probably why she got annoyed.

Happyhappyday · 12/05/2025 16:56

Shoes off for sure. For long haul we have a Stokke bedbox which lets them put their feet up and stopped DC accidentally bumping the seat. You can’t use it for take off though. You can also get them to cross their legs. The people in front of you do seem nuts but equally hard to know what actually was going on. Also agree that you do need to be more prepared, ie, headphones already ready, snacks and water available etc. We also almost always fly something slightly better than economy but appreciate that adds a lot of cost. Some people I know hand out ear plugs and chocolates to people around them if they know their DC are obnoxious.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/05/2025 16:56

Having the back of your seat kicked is unbelievably irritating. I would absolutely not tolerate my kids doing this to someone, under any circumstances.

samarrange · 12/05/2025 16:56

Anahg · 12/05/2025 16:53

She shouldn’t have reacted like that but I imagine it’s massively annoying to have the back of your seat kicked, especially on a long haul flight.

You do make a lot of mealy mouthed excuses for failings on your part. Like the cutesy “dumb dumb” bit about not having access to water. You really have to be all over this stuff when you’re flying with kids.

Threads like this remind me of those "neighbours from hell" TV programmes. You start off thinking that something is pretty clear-cut and after a while you realise that it's two unreasonable people who just happen to be in close proximity. It sounds like OP doesn't want to have the hassle of getting her daughter to behave properly, and the woman in front is one of those people who runs along on the red line of her internal pressure meter the whole time.

faerietales · 12/05/2025 16:57

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

Being kicked in the back constantly is not a “minor annoyance”.

Clearinguptheclutter · 12/05/2025 16:57

Well she was awful but your dc must have been kicking pretty intensely- I find flying with kids super stressful and mine are no angels but don’t think they have kicked the person in front, ever

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:57

If the woman is anything like me, she may already have been on edge having seen the child behind her and been snapped as soon as she felt the first kick.

I hate anyone behind me in planes, cinemas, concerts.