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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 12/05/2025 16:58

When I travelled (on planes or in the car where it is my back they are kicking!) with my kids when they were younger I did a 'surprise bag' where their in-flight bag was packed with things to do - wrapped up like presents, with clues and puzzles to do as they got older. I included sweets, a drinks bottle, anything I could think of. They were allowed to open one every 20 mins or something to spread them out. It also meant there was definately a drinks bottle in her bag.

You could also use an inflatable pillow or ask for some blankets to put behind her to adjust the knee position if that is the issue.

Lovemycat2023 · 12/05/2025 16:58

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:56

We had to stow her tablet, to which her headphones were connected, under the seat for take off. I gave her my phone; she wanted sound. I gave her snacks— they made her thirsty. I tried different means of keeping her still, and corrected her over and over. I should have remembered the drinks, and thought of removing her shoes, but other than that ?

I think the space situation doomed us. This wasn’t a problem when she was smaller and we flew via a different airline…Live and learn, I guess.

Edited

That makes no sense. As a PP pointed out there would have been plenty of space. Was your child lying down on the seat? Otherwise how on earth did their feet reach the seat back in front?

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 16:58

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

The plane hadn't even taken off and the kid was kicking

ChocolateCinderToffee · 12/05/2025 16:59

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

You take her shoes off and wrap her feet in a jumper.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:59

You say “we”. There were two of you and you still couldn’t prevent your daughter kicking the seat of the passenger in front?

No wonder so many youngsters are beginning reception so ill-prepared.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:59

Delatron · 12/05/2025 16:56

It doesn’t matter whether you think it was hard or not. She was disturbing the woman in front constantly and you are just minimising it. Probably why she got annoyed.

I don’t think I’m minimizing it though. I’m sure it was annoying, and I’ve experienced it myself. And nobody likes to listen to crying children. I’ve never sworn at them or suggested drugging them for it, though.

OP posts:
Fruitbat99 · 12/05/2025 17:00

Does your daughter have sen?

A 4 year old crying because they didn't get a drink instantly and fidgeting and kicking someone's seat till they have to ask them to stop several times? I'd be embarrassed.

PeloMom · 12/05/2025 17:00

Re stowing the tablet we have never been asked to do that for take off / landing. The tray - yes but then I ask DC to hold the tablet and has never been an issue.
I’ve also not allowed my Dc to kick during flights and have never had issues. The legs sound to be short enough for your DH to cross them, bend them on the seat etc; and yes, shoes off is helpful.
couldn’t you ask the FA for water - they’re usually quite accommodating for kids even if it’s before service.

SnakesAndArrows · 12/05/2025 17:00

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

You have the responsibility here. You. You should have stopped her kicking the seat.

Also, you know fine well she wasn’t doing it accidentally. If your daughter’s legs are so short that the edge of her seat aligned with her calf, then there’s no way that her feet reached the back of the seat in front in such a way that accidental kicking - rather than just touching - was possible.

The woman in front was unreasonable to swear, of course, but she was not unreasonable to be annoyed and to tell you so.

Someone2025 · 12/05/2025 17:00

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

Huh?!?

You tell them to stop!

Rosecoffeecup · 12/05/2025 17:00

By swapping seats you'd have just pissed off the new people in front of you because she'd have been kicking them instead?

YAB completely U. A 4 year old should not be doing that at all and the fact that you couldn't stop her just looks like weak parenting

theemmadilemma · 12/05/2025 17:01

I’ll be honest. I have very little time for children. My worst nightmare is a crying child close to me on a flight.

But I have never been outwardly vocal, and her behaviour is pretty disgusting.

Goditsmemargaret · 12/05/2025 17:01

Kids don't bother me on planes and never have. It's basically budget travel so I don't know why people expect a premium experience. I never understood passengers glaring at a mother when a child is making noise; it's more distressing for the mother hearing their child upset than anyone else on the plane.

If the kicking was really bothering me I would have leaned around and spoken to you.

They were scumbags. Forget about them.

Ankther · 12/05/2025 17:01

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:59

I don’t think I’m minimizing it though. I’m sure it was annoying, and I’ve experienced it myself. And nobody likes to listen to crying children. I’ve never sworn at them or suggested drugging them for it, though.

Her reaction was over the top, but it was prompted by your badly behaved child who you failed to control. So you were both unreasonable - and you seem far too flippant about the negative impact of your actions on others.

WeaselsRising · 12/05/2025 17:02

My very first international flight I had a child constantly kicking my seat. I wouldn't put up with it now.

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:02

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:56

We had to stow her tablet, to which her headphones were connected, under the seat for take off. I gave her my phone; she wanted sound. I gave her snacks— they made her thirsty. I tried different means of keeping her still, and corrected her over and over. I should have remembered the drinks, and thought of removing her shoes, but other than that ?

I think the space situation doomed us. This wasn’t a problem when she was smaller and we flew via a different airline…Live and learn, I guess.

Edited

She is 4yo?
She has a lot of room In her seat.

A 4 yo should be able to sit still without a phone or a drink for the time of takeoff. It's 10 minutes?

springtimeflowery · 12/05/2025 17:02

agree - this is non-negotiable discipline and the excuse 'just a child' doesnt wash.

I pity the passenger. I've been in a situation where a child was kicking the back of my seat and something about the way they did it - I think it's the location of the plastic on an airline seat - meant that there was a horrible jarring sensation up my spine every time it happened. It wasn't just irrititating, it made me feel sick - like I was going to vomit - almost as if someone was kicking you in the base of your coccyx.

I can see why she'd feel tipped over the edge because that feeling of nausea is horrible.

HeadNorth · 12/05/2025 17:02

Don't fret OP, but accept you will get inundated with the perfect parents/grandparents who can 'just tell a child to stop' and whose children always behaved perfectly in response. I can assure you it is selective amnesia on their part Grin.

I vividly remember my daughters squabbling in the car and my mum saying 'you and your sister never fought like that'. I had to remind her that was absolute bollocks, I recall me and my sister knocking lumps out of each other, mum raging at us, dad smacking us (this was the 70s) and us still fighting during car journeys.

People love to forget the shit times and really love putting another harrassed mother down.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/05/2025 17:04

Personally I would have jumped when they refused to pay for the upgrade, and said "Ok its ok, I will pay for the upgrade for us instead". Would have been worth the money.

You will get roasted because on AIBU any child that isnt immediately biddable in any circumstance that might cause the slightest bit of annoyance to someone else is a hell child and you are a shit parent. I would try again on one of the parenting boards instead.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:04

HeadNorth · 12/05/2025 17:02

Don't fret OP, but accept you will get inundated with the perfect parents/grandparents who can 'just tell a child to stop' and whose children always behaved perfectly in response. I can assure you it is selective amnesia on their part Grin.

I vividly remember my daughters squabbling in the car and my mum saying 'you and your sister never fought like that'. I had to remind her that was absolute bollocks, I recall me and my sister knocking lumps out of each other, mum raging at us, dad smacking us (this was the 70s) and us still fighting during car journeys.

People love to forget the shit times and really love putting another harrassed mother down.

There is nothing “perfect” about two adults being able to control the behaviour of a nearly 4 year old child for a short period.

Xiaoxiong · 12/05/2025 17:05

Mine didn't listen either at that age, so I would take shoes off, make them sit cross legged and then swaddle them up firmly with the blanket or a jumper, so they couldn't straighten their legs out. Swapping seats can work sometimes, but kicking an adjacent seat is almost as annoying for the people in front so that doesn't work unless the whole row in front is free.

It usually came down to holding their ankles very firmly with my hands if they were truly kicking off (geddit). And starting the inflight entertainment well before take-off to distract them.

tara66 · 12/05/2025 17:05

OP - you did not prepare for this flight with your child. You did not even have water available when she said she was thirsty - you packed it away. Why? You. should have had games, toy surprises, books, food , drink any anything else she would occupy herself with on a 5 hour flight - but you had nothing! Your bad!

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 17:05

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 16:58

The plane hadn't even taken off and the kid was kicking

She wasn't intentionally kicking. It's not that she thought she would do that for fun. In the course of her moving around she hit the seat because there wasn't enough space.

OP was trying to stop her, but the woman was making threats before they even took off. That's mad. How come a 4 year old is expected to to behave impeccably but a grown woman is not?

Shitmonger · 12/05/2025 17:06

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:44

So your daughter will be starting school in a few months OP… you have some work to do this summer

To be fair probably not. If she got to California with only a 5 hour flight then she’s probably in the Eastern US. So she will start school at 5 unless OP opts into an earlier start.

She does have work to do though.