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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
ASimpleLampoon · 14/05/2025 21:51

The woman's a nasty piece of work for making fun of Tourettes ( both my kids have it).

I d have swapped seats with your DD and kicked the ablelist scumbag harder!

No sympathy for the miserable cow, you did your best. @FairPlayer274

ButterCrackers · 14/05/2025 21:54

ASimpleLampoon · 14/05/2025 21:51

The woman's a nasty piece of work for making fun of Tourettes ( both my kids have it).

I d have swapped seats with your DD and kicked the ablelist scumbag harder!

No sympathy for the miserable cow, you did your best. @FairPlayer274

Perhaps someone will kick your seat in or that of your kids just as you would do to this other passenger. No doubt you’d be ok with this.

StartEngineStop · 15/05/2025 00:41

Dweetfidilove · 14/05/2025 11:16

Probably not, as I'd be speaking directly to the child of the incapable parent.

Weird.

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

TheHerboriste · 14/05/2025 21:48

It is not "abusive" to make a child sit cross-legged in an airline seat. My god, I've done it myself as an adult.

Sure sure sure

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 15/05/2025 05:59

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

Sure sure sure

Do you actually think it’s abusive to have her sit cross legged?

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

TheEveningSun · 13/05/2025 21:55

I was on the flight once with my then 4 yo who had exactly the same problem with his legs straight on the seat. Before we took off he stretched and pushed the seat in front of him, I saw it and instantly was going to tell him to be careful not to push the seat in front of him but the B in front turned back straight away and told me to tell my child not to kick her seat 🙄 she didn’t even give me a chance to say something to my son who is a perfect traveller. I was obviously on the edge the whole flight watching his feet like a hawk and moved him slightly down so his legs were hanging. He didn’t do it again and the B at the front spilt coke on her white trousers (not my son’s fault) she got up pissed off swearing loud enough for my kids to hear. I tried hard to hide my satisfaction . Some people just love to hate children on the plane and assume straight away they’d be trouble 🙄

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

TheEveningSun · 15/05/2025 09:16

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

what? Accidentally not purposely!

Dweetfidilove · 15/05/2025 14:24

StartEngineStop · 15/05/2025 00:41

Weird.

Weirder that parents are utterly incapable of controlling their children and make excuses for poor behaviour/ being a complete nuisance to others.

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:40

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

Even a perfect traveller can stretch and accidentally knock something. This doesn’t stop them being a perfect traveller.

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:41

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

Sure sure sure

You aren’t making yourself look good at all

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:43

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 21:44

Again… in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space, because then she can fidget without her feet touching the seat in front of her. And I won’t forget to take the bebidas out of the carry on, next time. Problems solved, without being borderline abusive to my child or having to be hermits.

No one is saying the woman’s behaviour was acceptable. But that’s a separate issue. You are determined to insist that it was impossible to stop your dc from kicking the chair in front. Multiple times. Throughout the flight.

the woman’s poor behaviour doesn’t negate your ineffectual parenting

they are both wrongs

PrettyPuss · 15/05/2025 17:48

No leg room going by that photo. I think the passenger in front would have felt every little movement. You did what you could, OP.

Straycats · 15/05/2025 17:53

Had four kids we flew frequently to Florida, that’s an eight hour flight, I brought books, crayons, quiz books anything to keep them busy.
Not once did they kick, not once did they annoy any passengers, had compliments on their behaviour. They knew how to behave in planes and restaurants.

ParmaVioletTea · 15/05/2025 18:15

in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space,

Basically, it's everybody else's fault: the woman for not being able to cope with having her seat kicked (have you tried it? It's painful) and mainly the fault of the airline for forcing you to buy cheap seats.

Not your fault for being cheap.

pollyglot · 15/05/2025 20:00

FairPlayer274 · Yesterday 21:44
Again… in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space, because then she can fidget without her feet touching the seat in front of her. And I won’t forget to take the bebidas out of the carry on, next time. Problems solved, without being borderline abusive to my child or having to be hermits.

You are simply unbelievable, OP. Can you really not see how entitled and unaware you appear?
And what a drama queen...really? "borderline abusive", "having to be hermits"? Take some responsibility without the huffing.

RunningJo · 16/05/2025 10:36

Not RTFT, but I would be annoyed if I had a child kicking my seat repeatedly on a flight. I wouldn't have sworn at the child, and the woman's behaviour was a little OTT in terms of language, but I can see why she would be annoyed. I think it says a lot when a member of staff asked you to stop your child also.

Sorry Op, but I honestly can't understand how you are unable to stop a 4 year old repeatedly kicking the seat for the brief time she has to sit like that for take off.

ParmaVioletTea · 16/05/2025 11:49

I think it says a lot when a member of staff asked you to stop your child also.

Good point.

StartEngineStop · 16/05/2025 20:25

Dweetfidilove · 15/05/2025 14:24

Weirder that parents are utterly incapable of controlling their children and make excuses for poor behaviour/ being a complete nuisance to others.

Give over, utterly incapable 🙄

FairPlayer274 · 17/05/2025 04:11

RunningJo · 16/05/2025 10:36

Not RTFT, but I would be annoyed if I had a child kicking my seat repeatedly on a flight. I wouldn't have sworn at the child, and the woman's behaviour was a little OTT in terms of language, but I can see why she would be annoyed. I think it says a lot when a member of staff asked you to stop your child also.

Sorry Op, but I honestly can't understand how you are unable to stop a 4 year old repeatedly kicking the seat for the brief time she has to sit like that for take off.

I’m pretty sure the FA only asked if I could have DD stop kicking the seat to placate WIFOU. She was very understanding, with the smile and the “I know she’s just a child…” in there.

It’s the whole “the most unruly customer is right” culture.

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 17/05/2025 04:17

ParmaVioletTea · 15/05/2025 18:15

in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space,

Basically, it's everybody else's fault: the woman for not being able to cope with having her seat kicked (have you tried it? It's painful) and mainly the fault of the airline for forcing you to buy cheap seats.

Not your fault for being cheap.

I have had my seat kicked on flights. It’s annoying, but I recognize when the parents are at least trying to stop it, vs when they need to be (calmly) asked to stop it. I’ve never cursed at someone else’s child over it. Even if the kicking was hard enough for it to hurt, I’d ask to move or to swap seats like I did with WIFOU.

I put in the OP “that’s what I get for scrimping.” I guess maybe 30 pages in it’s easy to forget where I did say it’s partially my fault

OP posts:
pollyglot · 17/05/2025 05:09

Well, all credit to you, OP, for creating something of a MN record. 31 pages in and, I believe 39 posts, (though I ran out of energy counting after a couple of G&Ts on a sunny Saturday afternoon), most justifying yourself and your actions, or those of your DD, or being defensive. I don't know why you just don't give up. You're had plenty of opinions to justify, or otherwise, your stand.

FairPlayer274 · 17/05/2025 05:13

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:43

No one is saying the woman’s behaviour was acceptable. But that’s a separate issue. You are determined to insist that it was impossible to stop your dc from kicking the chair in front. Multiple times. Throughout the flight.

the woman’s poor behaviour doesn’t negate your ineffectual parenting

they are both wrongs

The “borderline abuse” I’m referring to is physically holding one’s child in an uncomfortable position for a long time, not WIFOU’s swearing.

Again, I will not be doing that, and DD wasn’t intentionally “kicking” the seat. (I feel like most of the respondents are imagining her winding up and literally, intentionally kicking with full force, instead of accidentally touching the seat in front of her with any movement, given how little space there was and how awkward the seat length was for her.) She wasn’t doing it “the whole fight” either; as soon as the seatbelt signs went off, I had her sit sideways with her feet on my lap.

So many just keeps saying “Just tell her not to! If she still does it, you’re obviously a shitty parent!” Because that works for their children when their children are intentionally doing something wrong. It didn’t work for my child, who was doing it by mistake. I’m quite certain she’s just not developed enough to have stopped herself from doing it; She literally doesn’t know how to sit still. Different children, different circumstances.

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 17/05/2025 05:28

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 15/05/2025 05:59

Do you actually think it’s abusive to have her sit cross legged?

It’s not abusive to ask her to sit that way. But if she’s repeatedly coming out of that position because she’s physically uncomfortable in it, I think it d be borderline abusive to physically hold her in that position, especially for the length of time we were on unable to move about. I know for me personally, my hip flexors get really tight, and sitting cross legged can be very painful. I don’t know what’s happening in her body, such that she can’t keep herself cross-legged, because I’m not her, but it could very well be something similar.

Imagine there’s someone much bigger and stronger than you keeping your body in a position that is causing you discomfort such that everything in your brain is telling you you need to get out of it, while someone cusses you out for something you’re not even sure that you’re doing, or that you’re doing completely by mistake. That’s what it would be like for DD. I’m not putting her through that at not even 4 yo. We’ll pay for bigger seats next time.

OP posts:
pollyglot · 17/05/2025 05:38

Forty-one.

PrincessFairyWren · 17/05/2025 05:57

In that situation shoes off and cross legs.

however on a long flight a woman in front insisted over and over that my son was kicking her seat. I had my hand resting across his legs and he wasn’t even moving them. Some people are just dicks.