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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:23

Right, let me just keep one arm pressed down on her legs while also trying to distribute snacks and entertainment to keep her quiet in a 2 sq ft area without elbowing the person next to me constantly, making a mess, or unfastening my seatbelt and delaying the entire plane.

More space, next time. (and no, I’m not exaggerating the dimensions. I’m attaching a photo of my knee almost against the seatback. I am 5’5/65 cm)

Airplane drama!
OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 12/05/2025 17:23

You could have put your hand over her legs to stop her kicking.

DreamTheMoors · 12/05/2025 17:23

The woman in front of you sounds like the princess and the pea.
Had someone else been sitting there there’s a good chance that there wouldn’t have been a problem at all.
I’d rather be your daughters flying partner than this example of warmth and charmth any ol’ day.

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/05/2025 17:23

Yes she shouldn’t have been kicking, yes you are making excuses, but at the point she started swearing like that… gloves are off, I’ll kick your seat. Honestly chalk it up to a bad flight and a horrible experience and move on. Both of you were in the wrong but this woman sounds like a cow.

MyLittleNest · 12/05/2025 17:24

Your child doesn't sound mature enough yet to handle a 5 hour flight if this all started before take off.

I agree that the woman in front of you shouldn't have used profanity and shouldn't have spoken directly to your daughter, however she has my full sympathy because the flight hadn't even started and already she was having her seat repeatedly kicked and then subjected to listening to loud crying.

I'm a mother myself but no longer of little ones. Now that I am no longer in that phase of life, my tolerance for other people's young children behaving badly or being disruptive in restaurants or planes or anything else that I'm paying for is pretty much at a zero.

And no, I don't consider a plane to be the same as public transit.

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:24

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:23

Right, let me just keep one arm pressed down on her legs while also trying to distribute snacks and entertainment to keep her quiet in a 2 sq ft area without elbowing the person next to me constantly, making a mess, or unfastening my seatbelt and delaying the entire plane.

More space, next time. (and no, I’m not exaggerating the dimensions. I’m attaching a photo of my knee almost against the seatback. I am 5’5/65 cm)

Oh parent up op

we are all parents on this thread

you had ONE child, about to turn 4

MrsCarson · 12/05/2025 17:24

As irritating as it is. Those budget flights are insanely small on seat width and leg room. Not much you can do. Most adults bump the seat in front, when you are trying to change position or get up or sit down.

clarrylove · 12/05/2025 17:24

A few solutions: take her shoes off, put a pillow behind her and let her move forward in the seat so her legs aren't sticking out or, let her sit cross legged with her feet under her/on the seat.

What you don't do is allow her to continually kick the chair of the poor person in front!

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:24

I presume you’re going to be delaying school Op?

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:25

What do you want from this thread?
The majority of respondents have told you that you did not control your child sufficiently, how and what to do better next time.

You refuse to take any of that on board.

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:25

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:23

Right, let me just keep one arm pressed down on her legs while also trying to distribute snacks and entertainment to keep her quiet in a 2 sq ft area without elbowing the person next to me constantly, making a mess, or unfastening my seatbelt and delaying the entire plane.

More space, next time. (and no, I’m not exaggerating the dimensions. I’m attaching a photo of my knee almost against the seatback. I am 5’5/65 cm)

You child is 4?
Grown ups sit in the seats not making a fuss. It seems pretty weird a 4 yo is so cramped.

user278345999 · 12/05/2025 17:25

Having spent several hours having my back kicked by a child behind me flying back from Europe in club recently, yabvu. It wasn't cheap seats or space that was the issue, just crap parenting.

I've done my time flying with small children and making sure they don't affect other passengers, so don't appreciate other parents who can't be bothered to do the same.

MoreChocPls · 12/05/2025 17:25

Does your dd not know the meaning of ‘no’ or ‘stop’? Yabu.

TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 17:25

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:02

She is 4yo?
She has a lot of room In her seat.

A 4 yo should be able to sit still without a phone or a drink for the time of takeoff. It's 10 minutes?

I know! Some four-year-olds are in pre-school for god's sake.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:25

Pun unintended.

It seems the apple has not fallen far from the tree.

Midnightlove · 12/05/2025 17:26

It's annoying but not u expected for a child to bash the seat. Last flight I had (night flight) the woman behind me was up and down all flight, and grabbed the back of my headrest every time she got up sending me flying around 😡 now she should know better. Coupled with a toddler that literally screamed the entire 9 hours a few rows ahead of me. Flying is never comfortable in economy, they need to chill a bit especially if you're trying the best you can

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:26

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:38

I’d have hauled her on my lap and pinned her legs to my legs to stop her kicking

bloody uncomfortable for me and her but at least I’m not ruining a passenger’s flight

Children are required to sit in their own seats after the age of two, and it’s really not safe for <2 yos to be unbuckled on their parents’ laps either.

OP posts:
CrowsInMyGarden · 12/05/2025 17:26

I'm in my 60s and all kids obviously grown now. If I had a small child sitting behind me I wouldn't complain if they were kicking the seat, even if it did annot me. I'd probably turn round and chat to them. I feel for parents who have small children on flights so would try to help if anything. I didn't take mine abroad until smallest was 6 just in case I encountered moaning people.

nomas · 12/05/2025 17:26

ThatShyRoseViper · 12/05/2025 17:10

This is clearly some sort of gentle parenting going on here. “I was guiding her…”

No, you tell them and shut the poor behaviour down.

That’s very unfair. OP only said she was ‘guiding’ her dd in response to a poster who questioned whether Op was guiding her dd.

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:27

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:26

Children are required to sit in their own seats after the age of two, and it’s really not safe for <2 yos to be unbuckled on their parents’ laps either.

Only for take off and landing op

fgs you really do think none of us are parents and have never flown, don’t you

mathanxiety · 12/05/2025 17:28

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 12/05/2025 17:22

Personally I would never have taken a child at that age on such a long flight. I have had a child kicking the back of my seat though and it’s really irritating when the parent can’t be bothered to stop their DC .

What nonsense.

I've flown transatlantic many times from US midwest to both Dublin and Heathrow and back, overnight flights with other people's children eastbound and daytime flights with otjer people's children westbound, as well as my own when they were babies, toddlers, and older children.

The children were a great deal more considerate than many of the adults.

Quite frankly, if you can't handle the close proximity of other people of all ages for eight hours at a stretch, maybe long haul air travel is not for you. Or maybe invest in a supply of chill pills.

ContraryNoodle · 12/05/2025 17:29

The title of your post is right - drama, which you caused by not being in the slightest prepared. Your kid is nearly 4 years old. At that age, you should have learned to not be so utterly useless and ineffective. Yeah, the passenger should not have sworn but travelling can be super stressful and you did not nothing to prevent your child being an utter pain in the arse. Also stop minimising just how anti social you were! Ok, it was your child but that is entirely on you!

ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 17:30

Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child,

Well, I tried that on a 12 hour overnight trip when a 5 year old boy was kicking my seat incessantly,. and all the mother said was "He's only a child."

I don't know if you know how much a child kicking your seat can jolt your back. It hurts. The jolt of the kick goes up & through the seat back.

YABU. You can make all the excuses you like, but you made the experience of the woman in front of you uncomfortable.

ERthree · 12/05/2025 17:30

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

Put your hand on their leg to hold it still and say No.

dudsville · 12/05/2025 17:31

I think you need to separate your behavior from the behavior of the woman in front. It's not that one was OK and the other wasn't, and it's not about who was more in the wrong. Just look to managing the things for which you have responsibility.