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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:24

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 22:20

If someone allows their child to kick the passenger's seat in front I would love nothing more than the adult and child in question to become hermits until they have learned how to behave in public. Long haul flights aren't the place for small children to figure out social niceties and how not to disturb others who have paid a lot of money to sit in a cramped seat for perhaps their only holiday of the year.

Legitimately not surprised by your ill informed and high tower response! May you never be in a situation where by you can’t control the behaviour of someone who isn’t programmed to know any better!
what an absolutely ridiculous notion! I’m sick of feeling guilty because of people like you for wanting to live my life, and neither should the OP be!

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:25

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:11

Your child sounds normal. Some of the replies here are insane - tired, cramped 4 year olds don't only listen and you were doing your best.

The lady is front astonishing rude - don't get why people are defending her. Im sure being kicked is annoying but she's not 4 so her reaction is out of order.

Until it’s you having to deal with the unruly kid and their thoughtless parents.

Wanderdust · 12/05/2025 22:27

Laughing at the amount of posters suggesting toddlers and preschoolers are so compliant!

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:29

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:25

Until it’s you having to deal with the unruly kid and their thoughtless parents.

Go away and start your own thread!

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:30

Wanderdust · 12/05/2025 22:27

Laughing at the amount of posters suggesting toddlers and preschoolers are so compliant!

Of course. Attentive parents on the flight/journey distracting their kid/s from anti social behaviour and keeping their kids calm. It doesn’t happen so often now due to the entitled me time attitude of some parents.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:31

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:29

Go away and start your own thread!

You resonant with that then.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:32

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:30

Of course. Attentive parents on the flight/journey distracting their kid/s from anti social behaviour and keeping their kids calm. It doesn’t happen so often now due to the entitled me time attitude of some parents.

Anti social behaviour? She’s fucking four! When I was four I couldn’t wipe my own arse! Honestly!

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 12/05/2025 22:32

None of my children would have been kicking seats or crying at no drink at that age. How ridiculous. Yes the woman in front was ott, but the way you try and explain away your lack of parenting is unreal.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:33

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:31

You resonant with that then.

Nope but at least I don’t have to deal with you calling a four year old for anti social behaviour! Really!

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:33

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:25

Until it’s you having to deal with the unruly kid and their thoughtless parents.

I would be annoyed if a child was kicking my seat yes - especially repeatedly.

But no I wouldn't deal with it by aggressively shouting about it... they are a child. So no not until it's me having to deal with it because there's no scenario I would deal with it like is described.. I would probably try to ignore, but if really too much try to speak to child/parent or if really bad maybe politely ask to move.

I'd far rather children on planes than drunk adults anyway.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 22:34

This reply has been deleted

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Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:34

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 12/05/2025 22:32

None of my children would have been kicking seats or crying at no drink at that age. How ridiculous. Yes the woman in front was ott, but the way you try and explain away your lack of parenting is unreal.

Judging by your username, I’m not surprised at this response!! 🙄

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:34

This reply has been deleted

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Really?

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:35

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:33

Nope but at least I don’t have to deal with you calling a four year old for anti social behaviour! Really!

I tell you what next time you go on a plane, train, bus or to a theatre, cinema do offer to take the places disrupted by kids kicking. You’ll help others for sure and stand by your principles. It’s a win win.

Moonfeather · 12/05/2025 22:35

The irony that the 4 year old is the one expected to control their impulses and regulate their emotions rather than the grown women who clearly hadn’t yet developed these skills herself.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:38

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:35

I tell you what next time you go on a plane, train, bus or to a theatre, cinema do offer to take the places disrupted by kids kicking. You’ll help others for sure and stand by your principles. It’s a win win.

No, I’ll do better. I’ll offer to help the poor woman/parent! Instead of being a stroppy judgemental old fart with no empathy!

72bapsconnie · 12/05/2025 22:39

My dd was really well behaved on a flight aged 2 or 3 sat really still, and then when she put the tray table down the woman in front turned round and asked me to stop her kicking her seat. Would not believe me when I said she wasn’t. Some people are just very sensitive.

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 22:40

Wanderdust · 12/05/2025 22:27

Laughing at the amount of posters suggesting toddlers and preschoolers are so compliant!

In fairness, my friend managed a flight from
Aussie to the UK, alone, with an 8 month old baby and a 3 year old. She had supplies to keep the toddler amused, plus he’s been raised to listen to his mum when she tells him something.

I think we need to stop this thinking that all children are feral regardless of parental input, because there’s actually a lot of parents out there who seem to be doing it ok.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:42

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 22:40

In fairness, my friend managed a flight from
Aussie to the UK, alone, with an 8 month old baby and a 3 year old. She had supplies to keep the toddler amused, plus he’s been raised to listen to his mum when she tells him something.

I think we need to stop this thinking that all children are feral regardless of parental input, because there’s actually a lot of parents out there who seem to be doing it ok.

im actually not sure whether this post is defensive of the OP or not

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:43

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:38

No, I’ll do better. I’ll offer to help the poor woman/parent! Instead of being a stroppy judgemental old fart with no empathy!

Perfect. Good job. Let the cabin crew know that you offer your childcare services to passengers with kids. I doubt though that this mother would want help from such a bitter person or for you to be near her kid.

LimitedBrightSpots · 12/05/2025 22:44

You weren't as on the ball as you could have been, OP, but there isn't a planet in the solar system where that woman's behaviour would have been acceptable. Children are annoying sometimes, but she was completely out of order.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:45

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:43

Perfect. Good job. Let the cabin crew know that you offer your childcare services to passengers with kids. I doubt though that this mother would want help from such a bitter person or for you to be near her kid.

Edited

Excuse me?
I think the only bitter person here is you!!!
@FairPlayer274 read my posts! Willingly and gladly would offer to help!

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 22:45

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:24

Legitimately not surprised by your ill informed and high tower response! May you never be in a situation where by you can’t control the behaviour of someone who isn’t programmed to know any better!
what an absolutely ridiculous notion! I’m sick of feeling guilty because of people like you for wanting to live my life, and neither should the OP be!

Definitely allows her kids to use tablets on public transport without headphones.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 12/05/2025 22:47

Pardon? 😂

My lack of joy for phonics translates to expectations for well behaved plane travellers? 😂 mumsnet is mental.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:48

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:45

Excuse me?
I think the only bitter person here is you!!!
@FairPlayer274 read my posts! Willingly and gladly would offer to help!

Right back atcha. I’m saying that kids need attentive parents on flights. You think it ok for kids to disrupt others and that you’d leap into action as a helper. Really? Of course not. You sound like you have no idea about parenting. Do you have kids? I reckon not.