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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Jujujudo · 12/05/2025 22:48

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 20:31

The kid was kicking BEFORE take of . So not 5 hours

Still… my comment stands

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:48

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 22:45

Definitely allows her kids to use tablets on public transport without headphones.

And? Who cares!
You know zero about anyone else’s situations or their public choices! I doubt it’s to deliberately annoy you and think you know what, today, to keep my adhd/autistic/nd child calm in public, I’ll deliberately have them play their tablet so loud so iceandfire has ammunition on mumsnet! 🙈

Pipou · 12/05/2025 22:51

@RedOrangeSky mine is most definitely a fidgeter which is why I was able to plan ahead. Admittedly it was a shorter flight and his behaviour might have differed if it were a longer flight. I think it's about knowing your child and preparing for their behaviour.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:51

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 22:48

Right back atcha. I’m saying that kids need attentive parents on flights. You think it ok for kids to disrupt others and that you’d leap into action as a helper. Really? Of course not. You sound like you have no idea about parenting. Do you have kids? I reckon not.

Yes. I do, and he’s send! I’d willingly help anyone if they need it and are clearly struggling! Bet you are the kind who rolls their eyes in public when kids kick off! Don’t think I’m the one who has no idea about parenting if I’m honest. Better yet, I’ve got 22 year experience of working with children professionally and voluntarily!

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 22:51

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:42

im actually not sure whether this post is defensive of the OP or not

It was more aimed the people who are stating that’s it's virtually impossible to manage a young child on a flight and that under 4’s don’t listen to what you say.
I’m just pointing out that some kids do listen to their parents. It’s not a given that a young child will not behave or listen to their mum or dad.

I feel for both the OP and the angry lady. Neither sound like they were having a very nice time!

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 12/05/2025 22:52

I’d have said, firmly, “we don’t kick other people’s seats. It’s annoying and uncomfortable for them”. That sort of comment usually works.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:58

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 22:51

It was more aimed the people who are stating that’s it's virtually impossible to manage a young child on a flight and that under 4’s don’t listen to what you say.
I’m just pointing out that some kids do listen to their parents. It’s not a given that a young child will not behave or listen to their mum or dad.

I feel for both the OP and the angry lady. Neither sound like they were having a very nice time!

I think it depends on a variety of circumstances.
I teach 4/5 year olds and often find myself feeling like I’ve spoken parceltongue!
I do think the OP did try and I feel as though some people forget what it’s like to be that parent from their ivory tower.
my son is ADHD and I’m often clambering out of places red faced because of the faces or verbal responses people give to his struggles. Quite frankly, regardless of whether the four year old did give the WIFOU a tricky time, they are much more capable of being able to control their reaction than a four year old!

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 23:00

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:51

Yes. I do, and he’s send! I’d willingly help anyone if they need it and are clearly struggling! Bet you are the kind who rolls their eyes in public when kids kick off! Don’t think I’m the one who has no idea about parenting if I’m honest. Better yet, I’ve got 22 year experience of working with children professionally and voluntarily!

Great that you’ll help everyone. I doubt that those you identify as needing help would want you pushing in with your 22 yrs professional work experience, which is not parenting. Perhaps they would though- a good nap whilst you cared for their child- allowing it to kick and disrupt because it’s a kid. They could even have the meal and watch a film. Rubbish parent gets a well deserved rest. Good on you.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 23:01

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 12/05/2025 22:52

I’d have said, firmly, “we don’t kick other people’s seats. It’s annoying and uncomfortable for them”. That sort of comment usually works.

Exactly and then distracted with an activity. Easy and respectful to all - including the kid.

tinylittlepiggy · 12/05/2025 23:05

Similar happened to us ... some people just are wired to kick off or worry so much about a problem they create it in thier heads. I had a woman behaving almost exactly as you describe but my daughter was 100 per cent not kicking her seat - her feet didn't even reach the seat ahead she was so tiny and even so I ridiculously held her little feet for two solid hours just in case as (of what not even sure - that they grew instantly and started seat kicking?) as the shouty woman was making me second guess myself and making me super stressed for no reason at ... so maybe your daughter might not have been kicking the seat ahead of yours are badly as others are suggesting ...

HMW19061 · 12/05/2025 23:06

I don’t think the other passenger should’ve carried on like she did BUT your child is 4 they should be able to follow instructions and stop kicking the back of the seat when asked multiple times (and I say this as a parent of a 4 year who has flown with said child multiple times). We usually take our sons shoes off and he sits crossed legs on the seat, it’s comfortable for him and his feet are no where near the back of the seat, he’ll occasionally change position but he knows not to kick the back of the seat as we prep him for it and remind him several times through the flight.

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 23:11

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 21:40

😂😂 The one who spent 5 hrs getting kicked? Yeah.

‘The one who spent five hours swearing and threatening a mother and young child’ not quite suit your sanctimonious purposes? 😂😂

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.

Just1712 · 12/05/2025 23:15

My kids are well travelled and would never have been allowed to go on like your child on a plane. I told them when they were very little anyone who misbehaved on a plane got a parachute!!!
#sorted!!
I remember my son asking me when a kid was kicking off if they would be leaving via the parachute 🤣🤣

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 23:18

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.

Of course you wouldn’t mind a kid kicking the back of your seat for 5 hours. What a martyr you are.

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:20

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 23:18

Of course you wouldn’t mind a kid kicking the back of your seat for 5 hours. What a martyr you are.

Im sure if I really cared I’d get first class or ask the parent if she could stop. I would certainly not snap at a child like a freak.

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 23:23

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:58

I think it depends on a variety of circumstances.
I teach 4/5 year olds and often find myself feeling like I’ve spoken parceltongue!
I do think the OP did try and I feel as though some people forget what it’s like to be that parent from their ivory tower.
my son is ADHD and I’m often clambering out of places red faced because of the faces or verbal responses people give to his struggles. Quite frankly, regardless of whether the four year old did give the WIFOU a tricky time, they are much more capable of being able to control their reaction than a four year old!

As a person with autism, I would (and have) really struggled with a child kicking my seat and crying loudly.
You expect crying from a baby, but not a 4 year old in that sort of situation.

A bit like we are always told to keep in mind that some kids have SEN, it’s worth remembering that many adults do too. It wasn’t great for her to snap and swear as she did, but she must have felt extremely frustrated with what was going on.

I think a parent in that situation with one child really should be able to manage him a little better.

Hopefully OP will remember to pack some things to entertain him on the flight next time.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 23:25

Malayna · 12/05/2025 23:15

I wish she was sitting behind me. I would’ve been understanding. It don’t matter it’s over now. I’ve taken my young YOUNG kids on a plane- sometimes they fidget. Sometimes they accidentally hit the chair in front. I’ve never had anyone be rude and I always apologise to the people around us before, after and during if the kids are up to ruckus but normally they’re golden. Your child is just being a child. Don’t like it? They can get first class. And a kid kicking a chair doesn’t warrant that sort of reaction some people here just like to argue.

If only there was a way for you to select a seat to be in front of an unruly child. Mention to the check in and cabin crew that you’d swap seats with any passengers not happy with their seat being kicked by the kid behind. Making lives easier for sure and you get to travel your journey with the fervour of discomfort.

Butteredradish3 · 12/05/2025 23:38

I’m sorry @FairPlayer274 but other than the swearing you are the wrong one in this situation. I can’t believe how you are trying to justify this. It’s one thing to put up with noise from other passengers, crying from children but to repeatedly have your chair knocked is extremely irritating. It’s on you as the parent to teach your child to do as she is told and be respectful of others. This sounds like it was pretty much continuous so I am not surprised she lost her temper.

ThreeLocusts · 12/05/2025 23:53

Interesting spread of opinions here... OP I think WIFOU was bang out of order.

Yes you could have been more organised about drink and distractions, but with some planes you feel the slightest touch to the back and a four year old will fidget.

Yelling 'last warnings' at a four year old is just not on.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 12/05/2025 23:59

Hey OP. I sympathise with you.

it is hard to fly with little ones and getting them to behave in a enclosed space for X amount of hours.

As a traveller too I can attest that it is very annoying to have the seat kicked either accidentally or on purpose. However, no amount of kicking would warrant the barrage of abuse shouted at you and your child when you were trying your best. At that point I would have said something back to those awful people and ask the flight attendant to intervene.

Your solution to the problem was spot on.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/05/2025 23:59

The language used by the woman in front was undoubted unreasonable.

But having the back of your seat kicked is incredibly annoying - there’s no relaxing and definitely no sleeping when that’s going on, as you don’t know when the next kick is coming.

I do think parents have to do everything possible to stop seat kicking and I’d expect a 4 yo to be able to understand and follow an
instruction not to do it.

pinkballetslippers · 13/05/2025 00:07

She must be a giant child.

Ghosttofu99 · 13/05/2025 00:45

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:34

This. Really not that difficult OP. She may be ‘just a child’ but at 4 she’s more than capable of following basic instructions. Could you not have at very least kept her still for take off and landing? For the rest of the flight she could’ve simply sat cross legged or laid down

Edited

The op laboriously described her efforts to get her 4 year old to sit still.

If a grown adult hadn’t shouted at her twice maybe she would have been easier to calm during the start of the flight. But we live in a society where grown adults don’t need to have any restraint or self control but 4 year olds do.

StressedLP1 · 13/05/2025 00:53

Woman in front sounds like a fricking psycho.

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