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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Watermonkey13 · 12/05/2025 21:51

These replies are completely insane!! What is wrong with people? How badly can a bunch of people miss the point.

How is everyone OK with a middle aged woman swearing and shouting at a kid on a plane and calling a kid 'it'?? I am so confused. I knew British culture is unsupportive towards families but wow! Some seriously anti mum and anti child people on mumsnet.

You are not being unreasonable. The kid was being a kid. That adult woman is a disgrace and probably drunk to be speaking like that. That grown woman has less self control than your 4 year old and will probably be spoken to by the police at some point for being verbally (if not physically as that is the next step) abusive to someone else's child. You should definitely have reported her language to the staff on the plane and tried to get her barred from the airline.

Leo800 · 12/05/2025 21:52

So irritating for the poor woman in front. I really wish we had adult only flights.

Watermonkey13 · 12/05/2025 21:52

clinellwipe · 12/05/2025 21:50

She was significantly more ‘badly behaved’ than your DD despite being ten times older.

Big up. I agree.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 12/05/2025 21:55

I wouldn't have sworn loudly but would have probably said few FFS under my breath before firstly glaring at the kid and then telling her to please stop kicking my seat. Noise is one thing, that's what noise cancelling headphones are for, but seat kicking is unbearable after the first couple of times.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 12/05/2025 21:56

grumpygrape · 12/05/2025 21:41

Missing the point of the thread…..😉

I wondered where OP and daughter were flying from and to where the destination was in California and the flight was only 5 hours. OP’s writing style doesn’t sound American. But I’ve got a tangential mind.

That was my first thought too!

I live 6 hours flight from California so I wondered if the OP lives somewhere near me :-)

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 21:57

nomoremsniceperson · 12/05/2025 19:28

Here's my take: OP is getting a kicking (pun not intended) purely because from the way she writes it sounds as though she is American, which (unreasonably) irks a lot of Mumsnetters, and not because of her small child's seat kicking. Children that are nearly 4 vary hugely in their ability to follow instructions, I know mine did (one who could, one who couldn't, regardless of same parenting for both). Some children are more energetic than others. Getting your seat kicked is annoying but you can ask the parent politely to get their child to stop. It is not normal or ok to scream and swear at children. It is not normal to call a child a "thing" or suggest they be knocked out with drugs. Taking little kids on planes is tough and other parents of all people should be a bit more empathetic about it.

Taking little kids on planes, in particular on long haul flights is in most cases not essential. If they are incapable of sitting nicely and not bothering other passengers, perhaps the parents should wait until they are able to do so.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:58

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:30

Shhh - you’re being inconvenient for the poster who must display themselves as the perfect parent in all situations, to the detriment of all the other underlings around her!

Ha ha I’m so sorry! 😢😂

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:59

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 21:32

You should have offered to pay for the upgrade for these people who were being forced by yourself to put up with your disruptive child.

This is by far the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen on this thread! What nonsense!! Honestly!

ChompandaGrazia · 12/05/2025 22:02

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:30

WiFi does not cost a fortune! Most flights have free WiFi and if not then it’s under £20. Certainly not and insurmountable amount of money!

Ok. Last flight I was on didn’t have it at all. Last one that did it was £30 or so which will not a lot of money in itself it’s quite a lot just to post on MN.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 22:03

This reply has been deleted

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Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:04

Delatron · 12/05/2025 21:44

She didn’t try any of this!

She didn’t even bother to take the shoes off, suggest crossing legs and if that failed then yes holding the legs still. No she did none of those things. Then she didn’t even have a drink to offer to appease the crying tantrum.

This is called mumsnet right? A forum for parents!
I mean word for word the detailing isn’t the same, but she definitely tried to distract the poor girl (who is four, if you remember what it’s like either to be four or have a four year old!!). They also tried multiple times to change the girls position.
The only thing (which IMO isn’t a massive issue, given you expect to be hydrated during a five hour flight) is that they left the drinks in the airport! Safety first aye!
Honestly!

Disney101101 · 12/05/2025 22:04

Wow I wasn’t expecting the read the responses OP as got! How judgmental people are on this thread is insane! A 4 year old kicking a seat while fidgetting is totally normal! I would never say a word if that was my seat I would suck it up espically if the mum is telling the kid to stop! There’s too many people who moan on flights about babies crying and kids being messing about, the whole process of flying wether it’s through the airport or the actual flight alone is so stressful for adults imagen how the kids feel! I can’t see how anyone can get a 4 year old to sit like a robot and not move 🙄 but suppose these people who say these comments have the “perfect child”. My son who has asd is a nightmare on planes but I apologise if he does something wrong but I don’t let it bother me too much and if someone dare spoke to any of my children like that or even if I saw them speak to someone else’s child I would loose my shit! My only advice to OP is next time don’t worry yourself too much if someone shouts at your kid like that let them kick there chair even harder! Honestly you did a good gob keeping your cool and swapping seats so well done and ignore any snotty comments on here your child has don’t nothing wrong but be a kid!

NannyPlum7 · 12/05/2025 22:05

Tell you what though, I’d sooner have a fidgety child behind me than a drunk adult.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:06

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 21:57

Taking little kids on planes, in particular on long haul flights is in most cases not essential. If they are incapable of sitting nicely and not bothering other passengers, perhaps the parents should wait until they are able to do so.

Yes, perhaps until our children learn to live like adults, we should all become hermits! What a great suggestion! 🙄

Pipou · 12/05/2025 22:09

I took my 3.5 year old on a short flight (3 hours) and despite him also being tall and us being on a budget airline, he had no issue with kicking the person in front. He did try to play with his tray but I explained that it could stay up or down but it was not for playing with as it would disturb the person in front. He watched a film on my phone with his headphones or we talked quietly. I had snacks / drink prepared so there were no issues. He wouldn't kick the person in front because he knows not to. I did also take his shoes off once we were in the air and as it was a late flight, he changed into his pj's just before we landed. He had his blanket and soft toy and he was happy.

I was the one causing an issue because I gave him his drink after take off and forgot about the change in air pressure. It had a flip up lid so I ended up spraying the woman in front. I was mortified, thankfully, she saw the funny side.

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 22:09

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 21:57

Taking little kids on planes, in particular on long haul flights is in most cases not essential. If they are incapable of sitting nicely and not bothering other passengers, perhaps the parents should wait until they are able to do so.

Perhaps the adult in front of the child shouldn’t travel if they are unable to tolerate other people without screaming and swearing at a small child.

children are allowed to exist in the world and to be children and not mini adults. If someone can’t tolerate a less than ideal travel situation then they shouldn’t travel or if they do they should fly private.

our children have kicked off in first class (crying baby and toddler) and everyone around me told me not to worry and offered smiles and helped to talk and distract the toddler while I fed baby to calm them down. Meanwhile poor OP is dealing with a grumpy women in the back of the plane who can’t control herself over a small child—shameful!

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:11

Your child sounds normal. Some of the replies here are insane - tired, cramped 4 year olds don't only listen and you were doing your best.

The lady is front astonishing rude - don't get why people are defending her. Im sure being kicked is annoying but she's not 4 so her reaction is out of order.

Sunnyevenings · 12/05/2025 22:12

Your job is to stop her kicking another passenger's seat.
Stop making excuses.
Swap seats with your daughter. Remove her shoes. Hold her feet to stop her kicking. Be prepared ie have drinks and snacks.

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:15

Pipou · 12/05/2025 22:09

I took my 3.5 year old on a short flight (3 hours) and despite him also being tall and us being on a budget airline, he had no issue with kicking the person in front. He did try to play with his tray but I explained that it could stay up or down but it was not for playing with as it would disturb the person in front. He watched a film on my phone with his headphones or we talked quietly. I had snacks / drink prepared so there were no issues. He wouldn't kick the person in front because he knows not to. I did also take his shoes off once we were in the air and as it was a late flight, he changed into his pj's just before we landed. He had his blanket and soft toy and he was happy.

I was the one causing an issue because I gave him his drink after take off and forgot about the change in air pressure. It had a flip up lid so I ended up spraying the woman in front. I was mortified, thankfully, she saw the funny side.

Children have different personalities though - some find it much easier to stay still than others!

I don't think mine have kicked the seat in front of flights but they definitely have struggled with fidgeting a lot before.

Pricelessadvice · 12/05/2025 22:16

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but other people shouldn’t have to put up with your child disturbing them.

I understand the lady might have been a bit snappy and lost her temper, but it’s actually really frustrating when a child is kicking your seat (been there! Even just a small nudge of the seat can be felt) and then screeching/crying. I’m child free and I do find a lot of parents expect other people to make allowances for their children. Your switching seats suggestion seemed like a good solution though.

You’ll know for next time to have some toys/games/crayons to keep him entertained.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 22:18

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:15

Children have different personalities though - some find it much easier to stay still than others!

I don't think mine have kicked the seat in front of flights but they definitely have struggled with fidgeting a lot before.

More likely, children have different parents so they are either taught how to behave or they are enabled to be selfish and badly behaved.

gerul · 12/05/2025 22:19

Only read page 1 but I'm surprised at these responses. The kid is 4!! AND the mum was trying her best. I would have never acted like that cow woman. I'm sorry OP

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 22:20

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 22:06

Yes, perhaps until our children learn to live like adults, we should all become hermits! What a great suggestion! 🙄

If someone allows their child to kick the passenger's seat in front I would love nothing more than the adult and child in question to become hermits until they have learned how to behave in public. Long haul flights aren't the place for small children to figure out social niceties and how not to disturb others who have paid a lot of money to sit in a cramped seat for perhaps their only holiday of the year.

GingerBeverage · 12/05/2025 22:21

Watermonkey13 · 12/05/2025 21:51

These replies are completely insane!! What is wrong with people? How badly can a bunch of people miss the point.

How is everyone OK with a middle aged woman swearing and shouting at a kid on a plane and calling a kid 'it'?? I am so confused. I knew British culture is unsupportive towards families but wow! Some seriously anti mum and anti child people on mumsnet.

You are not being unreasonable. The kid was being a kid. That adult woman is a disgrace and probably drunk to be speaking like that. That grown woman has less self control than your 4 year old and will probably be spoken to by the police at some point for being verbally (if not physically as that is the next step) abusive to someone else's child. You should definitely have reported her language to the staff on the plane and tried to get her barred from the airline.

This is MN.
Anyone complaining about ANY aspect of flying is wrong/stupid/a bad parent/an axe murderer.
All the OP had to do was politely drag her child to the airlock door, open it and throw the child out. It would then have been a simple matter of performing seppuku (bioplastic knives are fine for this) in front of the upset passenger.

gerul · 12/05/2025 22:21

RedOrangeSky · 12/05/2025 22:11

Your child sounds normal. Some of the replies here are insane - tired, cramped 4 year olds don't only listen and you were doing your best.

The lady is front astonishing rude - don't get why people are defending her. Im sure being kicked is annoying but she's not 4 so her reaction is out of order.

Exactly. What am I reading here?! People are defending this trashy woman.