Paying to attend Baby Shower?

[shyray62]

I might be a bit out of touch here - my baby shower was 8 year ago now - but I just feel that it’s a bit cheeky 😬

Group chat was created by mum to be’s sister inviting us all along to celebrate at a local tearooms. I said yes, would love to come.

Then we had the ridiculous gift list - everything very particular - with actual links to websites. We all had to say what we were buying so it could be crossed off the main list. Whatever, I chose something and that was that.

Just had a message to say that food will be £10 each and we need to pay cash on arrival. I mean, it’s been a month or so since people RSVPd and ‘chose’ their gift. And so now with this payment surprise thrown in, it would seem a little off to turn around and cancel? No one else seems to have an issue with it. Just so I’m not drip feeding, the tearooms is owned by a close family member and it’ll still be open to the public so they’re not paying to hire it out or anything.

It’s only a tenner and mum to be is a lovely friend so of course I will still go and have a nice time. BUT AIBU to find it all a bit cheeky and annoyed that it wasn’t mentioned to start with? I am by no means well off and can’t even buy a nice but cheaper gift as we had to choose something specific.

Yeah, in the US it’s not typical to have them at a venue unless the hosts can pay for it. If you have a big enough extended family or friend group, people typically divide the tasks - the shower is at Emily’s house, with Jennifer doing the decorations and Natalie bringing cupcakes and Auntie Pam making egg quiche.

Any kind of "baby shower" is a blatant money grab, with or without an entry fee.

Seems very cheeky to me. Buy me this as a present and then pay for your meal at the party I'm throwing.

Thank goodness baby showers weren't a thing when I had my boy. I think they sound awful 😖 I had a few nice presents from my colleagues at work on my last day before maternity leave & close friends & family bought the baby some gifts when he arrived. I would have never have given a list of items I wanted & was grateful for everything I received. Someone else asked this question upthread are you expected to buy a gift once baby arrives?

“No gifts are necessary” isn’t a baby shower, though. They’re called baby showers because the mother-to-be is “showered” with gifts.

Completely agree about the muslin patterns. It’s very rude to insist that the gifts have to look a certain way or fit a certain theme.

I wouldn't mind paying for afternoon tea. That sounds lovely but I prefer to give the baby money. I don't have time for running around buying and then wrapping gifts up.

We got four copies of Goodnight Moon and two of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. If I’m buying a book for a baby, I never pick something that’s a classic or a huge bestseller, because the odds are someone else already bought it for them.

I’ve been to baby showers where they’re paid for in their entirety by the host (usually because they’re at someone’s home) and others where you go out for something like afternoon tea (where you pay for yourself). Either is fine.

I’m ok with paying for the food (unless at someone’s house in which case I would expect it to be provided but bring something)

I’d be a bit miffed at the wedding style gift registry (yes I would bring a present). But I had my last baby 10years ago and neither I nor anyone I know had a “shower” so I’m clearly out of date

Absolutely agree. Hate the damn things and sadly they are creeping in here in Ireland too. My neighbour threw one for her daughter complete with balloon arch, excessive decor etc. Gift list also provided with nothing under €50 on it. I gave a gift but didn't attend, seen the dozens of photos on social media. Also had a cousin throw one for herself during the height of covid, said it was OK because it was in a marquee so 'outdoors', I was amazed by the number that attended, again it seemed designed for social media interaction.

Why not hand them your purse and say ‘help yourself’? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t entertain going to something so obviously grabby. Where will it end?

Paying to attend doesn’t surprise me. Baby showers are beyond tacky and anyone that has one has absolutely no class.

The baby showers I've attended all the attendees split the cost of the party and we've always gotten a joint gift with the group. But these have not been big events. Just group of friends with some tea and cake.

A friend had one and we had to pay £30 per person for afternoon tea/venue and decorations and was told she wanted cash instead of gifts. I was pretty shocked, if it wasn't a close friend that I wanted to maintain a relationship with then I would have declined.

Pretty much my thoughts tbh.

Much like hen events and weddings it’s all just got out of hand wrt the expectations of guests.

At work someone has put out invites for a baby shower for her 4th child.

No problem with how many children people choose to have but when there is an expectation for guests to pay for gifts and attend events that will cost approx £100 each time it feels pretty cheeky (afternoon tea at posh venue plus expected to cover cost of the mum, plus gift list with nothing under £50 on it - same as the last 3 times plus repeated pressure in person and online for people to attend). It just comes across as one big grift.

No I won’t be attending before anyone asks.

I did assume food was being provided for by the family as they own the tearoom

The family may well be providing the food as their own gift, but the very prescriptive gift list suggests the "friend" doesn't mind making a profit on the deal

Personally I'd just arrange to see her at another time and take the gift along then

I wasn't aware you had to pay for food OP.

My daughter went to one yesterday. Afternoon tea at a place in town. Food was provided - had to pay for second and subsequent drinks.

Mum to be had a very fancy baby shower cake.

Twenty people invited - three turned up.

Mum to be's mother was in tears.

A gift list is only a guide I thought, I'd not use that and would buy patterned muslin cloths instead.

You’d have to pay ME to attend a baby shower.

I'd have expected to pay for food unless it was hosted at home or buffet style in a village hall (and even then I'd expect to bring something).

Well then in that case I find the very idea of a baby shower repulsive!

"Come and shower me with gifts. Buy me and the baby stuff!! Let me unwrap it in front of everyone" 🤮🤢

Grabby and tacky.

I said what I said. 🤷‍♀️ Honestly I think this is where The Brits and The Americans diverge.

More fool her if she doesn’t want patterned or brighter muslins with how much babies poop! 🙈

I agree with mind numbing drivel chat and I went to one where we were asked to write inspiring messages on nappies. Really.

Me too, it's out of control

That’s why the mother-to-be and her close family don’t host the baby shower. Someone else hosts it on her behalf. The mother-to-be might have a registry/wishlist, but it’s bad manners to expect everyone to buy a gift from it, or to complain that you got something that wasn’t on the list. That’s because the list is supposed to be helpful for the attendees, not a list of presents they’re commanded to bring.

Attendees are people who presumably like the guest of honor, are happy she’s having a baby, and want to buy her a gift. If you don’t fit in that category and are somehow invited anyway, feel free to decline.