Is it normal for a masseur to offer "extras"?

[OrangeChips1]

My DH has a job which takes it's toll on his back so he gets occasional massages to try and straighten the knots out. I do give it a go but I can't get deep enough.

More often than not, it gets to the end of the massage and he's offered "extras" which really freaks him out. These are legit places in spas or gyms or on the high street with staff wearing uniforms etc.
We've noticed that when I've booked them on his behalf (as a gift or whatever) this doesn't happen.

Is it just the done thing and we're both naive about this? I never get offered any extras so I was always of the belief that a massage was a massage unless you go to a certain type of place 🤷🙈

YABU = you're naive
YANBU = that sounds like unusually bad luck

Regular facials you say...🤣

I mean I've never been for a massage except from a physiotherapist, as above.

But I'd think that what you describe here - customers asking for it in the wrong sort of place - was more common than customers being offered it when they weren't expecting it.

Where?

Yeh I remember a well known comedian joking about this!

Exactly! I'm really surprised

A proper massage therapist will be registered with a professional body like the FHT federation of holistic therapists and have insurance cover

I don't think it's unusual - there are Thai massage places near me which have signs on the door saying "NO erotic massage". They are usually set up just as massage businesses with a relaxation kind of theme, maybe some beauty treatments.

I do live somewhere where sex work is legal, though you need a license to open that kind of business I believe, but it seems that the problem is that "massage parlour" has been used as a euphemism for unlicensed brothels in many places for a very long time and this link is established in a lot of people's minds. I remember my X-MIL's MIL (British) being absolutely scandalised and appalled when someone opened a massage parlour in her street because she immediately assumed it meant sex work. It was actually more of a new age type venture - Ear candling, Reiki, Aromatherapy etc.

I'd guess if someone IS running that kind of business, if they think a customer seems like the type they will offer and if they seem like they wouldn't be interested (e.g. female, or when their wife books as you found) then they don't offer. Or they don't explicitly offer, but customers who are interested will ask. 🤢 Hence the need for signs.

I agree that he is much less likely to encounter this kind of thing at a place which is set up more clinically like a physio/sports massage type place.

Out of curiosity does he say any of them have actually done anything that helps his back? Because if they are offering this, I'd say the chances of them having any relevant knowledge to enable them to do a clinical massage properly are next to zero.

Is he particularly unintelligent, or just naive?

Thanks. Yes , they're practically empty and she said since COL hardly any customers. So, in retrospect, I can see it. But I can also see why we thought "leafy suburb high street, broad daylight, looks clean, demure uniforms, what could go wrong?!"

To be honest if I were in charge it would be ear-candling, reiki and aromatherapy that were illegal.

Every Thai spa I been to have a sign saying no extras

People saying it can't possibly be true are outstandingly naive.

Yes the deep tissue or Thai massages help his back loads, and I can visibly see his posture is better

The thai place that I know for a fact does happy endings is also a brilliant place for massages. Thai masages are really good. I know men and women who go there and it is very good for massages. But they do offer extras for those that want them.

And are these ones that have offered extras?

I don't think he's either to be honest. I'm on the website for one of them and absolutely nothing jumps out at me as being dodgy. I think there is a lot of unspoken rulery going on.

Yep!

tell therapists that's it's naive to imagine they don't all offer sexual favour as part for their work, see how well that goes.

Just because that's it's probably true in some places doesn't mean it's "normal" or common for massages.

If it’s happening in the same places so that when you book the appointment it doesn’t happen & when he does it does - he’s either asking for that type of massage (if the places you go to have sex workers working under the radar - so a smart gym - unlikely) OR he’s enjoying telling you other women are offering to pleasure him - when it’s not happening & more wishful thinking on his part. Or he enjoys playing with your naivety. Or he’s normalising being finished off & externalising it so is something done to him that he has no control over so he can’t be accused of doing anything wrong if it just happened to him.

The thing I find most incongruous - his apparent dislike he says it makes him feel when it (apparently) happens. Most men would not feel upset if a woman offered to wank/suck them off. They’d feel flattered or tempted probably (even if rationally they may not view themselves as a seedy kind of person). So the thing I find most unsettling in this is him being disappointed /upset/disliking this strange phenomenon that seems to follow him around. Like the guy that protests too much.

Or he’s massively reading the whole thing through sexualised eyes where he interprets any innocuous words spoken by the massage therapist like “finish” or “ending” as sexual invitations. W’ever the reasons he’s telling you that for him massages equal sexual activity. No wonder he likes them so much. Red flag imo sorry!

He’s absolutely lying to you.

It’s his guilty conscience. Kinda like when a person accuses their partner of cheating when there is zero evidence. He’s not disgusted. He’s seeing sex workers and lying to you.

I put money on this.
”Do you want any… special extras today?”

Therapist is thinking particular oils, lighting or music and your husband thinks he’s getting his Willy touched. It’s 100% normal to ask your client if they have any special requirements. That could even mean “yes, could you pay particular attention to my left ankle as I’m still healing an injury and benefit from having it stretched out.”

Same goes with the “brushing against” - like come on now. Yes, the person who is physically massaging your body might have part of their body touch yours. Shocking.

Alternatively, your husband is accepting these favours and telling you about it to cover his tracks. They offered, but I could never. I’m never getting a massage again… until I do. Where the same thing happens. It doesn’t happen when you book it because then you have authority to complain. But, yeah, I’m going with your husband exaggerating and assuming perfectly harmless things are sexual advances. Which is still pretty weird.

I suppose the answer to that would be "they would, wouldn't they".

Yeh that's the thing. One of the ones on punters have loads of reviews from men and women saying how great their massage was etc and you wouldn't know unless you went on punters that extras were offered. Now that a PP pointed it out, it is sitting empty a lot so I guess the staff would be vulnerable to needing extra money, but that honestly wouldn't have occured to me before it was mentioned here.

Again, nobody working in this industry would be so staggeringly naive and ignorant as to say "special extras" and not know the client would think they meant sex.