WIBU (or mad) to give up my car in these circumstances? any tips?

[Blueandblack2]

Really struggling with the COL. Council tax went up, water 3x the previous rate, food etc. Something gotta give and I wonder if that is the car.

my circumstances

• I work 5 days and can do 2 days from home. Commute is 12 miles to a busy industrial estate with loads of HGV but I am an experienced cyclist.

• 2 teens both with SN. Oldest has severe learning disabilities and cannot travel alone. I need to drive them everywhere but we have a taxi for school

• younger one also has a taxi but on average 2 appointments per week for which I need the car (or taxi) due to distance, lack of bus connection and the need to be home for DC1 by 3:30pm as they need me at home

• I have a DH with a car (company but allowed private use) and he can do the shopping and would be able to drive the kids to some of their hobbies. Some hobbies would have to stop obviously without me having my own car but not the end of the word.

• In essence, I would really only need a taxi/uber on appointment days and I hope we can reduce them soon to once a week and maybe, when it rains badly in lieu of cycling (no showers and there is no public transport there which I can take). Car is 17 years old and just too many reparations plus insurance gone up again. It's all costing me an arm and a leg and it's too much for my part time salary (I only work half days to enable me to care for the DC before and after school - increasing my hours is not an option due to their SN). I am just so fed up with being in the red all the time.

Thoughts?

I’d honestly be wary of when both turn 18, this behaviour is of someone who is planning something/protecting hiding £.

This is your problem, OP, what an absolute arse. So he's happy for your life to get harder/more complicated? Yuck.

ETA: just seen he insists you go 50/50...that is financial abuse, and I'm so sorry you're in that position. I would first insist 50/50 then means that for everything, including childcare, so you have the opportunity to increase your earnings. If he won't agree to that (which of course he won't), please, please leave him. You will be better off, and you won't be being abused by a complete cunt of a man. @Blueandblack2 I am so angry on your behalf, how dare he.

so the bulk of the cost is repairs because it's so old. You need a newer but still cheap car and that will elimate most of that cost.

And you husband should be supporting you to buy it! Is he really going to let you give up a car you need when he earns a good salary and yours is low because you care for your children? Completely selfish.

Another vote for... your finances aren't the problem, your husband is!!

If eldest cannot even take a familiar journey unaccompanied they are entitled to enhanced mobility PIP.

Maybe look into getting this reviewed and then then exchange it for a mobility car.

the money you gain back in servicing, MOT and tax and insurance should cover the bills the low rate pip pays for.

This is why you get enhanced for someone with such severe needs - because not having a car means they can’t access the community

Are you currently driving an expensive or financed car? If so could you sell it to release some cash and buy a cheaper one of FB marketplace?

Where is the rest of the money he earns? Do you have access to all accounts?

DH has a company car so the family car is "mine". However, if his company car was taken away (always possible), then "my" car would be our only car and we likely couldn't afford to just buy another one for him, at least not straight away.

So therefore, "my" car is actually "our" car, because it quite simply is OUR car.

Your DH needs to understand that. And understand that this is the car ferrying his children around and therefore he has a responsibility to make sure his family are safe and able to get where they need to.

And if he doesn't, maybe you need a new patio.

I bet he's got her paying specific bills which are in her name (e.g. the water) so if she doesn't pay them it's just her that gets taken to court.

Claim the child benefit OP. You will be getting it for the best part of a year before you have to mention it to him for his tax return.

Your husband is an utter tosspot. Tell him to do 50:50 childcare if he wants 50:50 finances.

Your husband is a disgusting shitty human being. What would happen if you said that you have worked out your fair share of the bills and you will be putting that into the family pot in future? Do you think he'd leave you?

Keep the car and get rid of the husband.
In fact, divorce him & get a better car.
He is an appalling man who is showing you zero respect or love.
I don’t know how you can be civil to him.
Im getting the ick just thinking about him.

PLEASE - sort it out or get rid of him. You deserve so much better.

Its paid off and almost 17 years old and falling apart. I cannot sell it to 'release' cash to get a better (and more expensive one).

Your issue here is your asshole of a husband, not your car.

If he out earns you why are you going 50/50 on the house and bills etc? You’re a family, your money should be a joint pot not you wondering if you should get rid of your bloody car and biking 24 miles to work and getting taxis to hospital with your child.

Focus on the real issue at hand which is your “Darling” husband.

I bet he's got her paying specific bills which are in her name (e.g. the water) so if she doesn't pay them it's just her that gets taken to court.

yes. I pay certain bills in my name, he bills in his name. no joint account

So he earns more than you and therefore has more free money to spend or save as he likes whilst you also work, ferry your child round to hospital regularly and have to struggle financially.

Where is the team effort in this? If he won’t have a joint account and pool all family money together you need to AT LEAST be splitting bills by wage percentage. Not 50/50. You should set up a joint account where all bills come out of including food shopping, car expenses etc and you both put in the same percentage of your wages. I still don’t see this as fair but it’s better than the shit deal you’re getting now.

If you earn just over the carer’s allowance threshold, is it actually worth you working? Or do you need to work for your own mental health?

Also, your husband is a twat. How much does he earn? Does he have savings? Does he cover expenses for the kids?

I think you need to look out for yourself and your finances. You should have done it a long time ago because your DH has robbed you of savings and career progression and put you through financial stress while he's happily sat pooling his money.

I'd keep the car but find a job that has more hours and pays more. You've done more than your share of working PT and taking the financial hit looking after his kids. It's clearly not sustainable. It's his turn. He doesn't care about you and your financial situation so you don't have to care about his. You should get your CV together and start applying for FT jobs now.

So you have a financially abusive dh.

What happens if you can't work when dc turns 18 and moves to adult services?

Sounds to me like you should leave the asshole, claim CMA for the kids, and then get additional benefits.

you’ll be able to pay your bills and the ex won’t be taking the piss out of you anymore.

hope you get sorted, there should be no his share/ her share when you have 2 kids to raise. You husband should be stepping up to support and he should be the ex if he doesnt

And watch out for him forcing you to take out loans and credit cards to supplement his money. That’s what you see financially abusive husbands doing. If he has done that and you do leave him you should contact your bank and see what options there are to support you in getting the debt cleared

Tell him you have to get a full time job and he will have to reduce his hours to look after the DC if he can’t find childcare for them.

This is truly awful he doesn’t value that you look after HIS kids so he can work 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I mean about 1.2k per month. CA is £83 (so about 1/3 of my wage). I work for the money, nothing else. I hate my job and find it really stressful on top of caring.

Jeez, but your husband's a cunt.

Honestly OP you need a sit down to look at finances as a family.

I know some people are all for separate finances but when you are a family with 2 children who have additional needs, 1 adult who isn’t working full time as a result and another adult who is earning enough to discount the household from UC, you really need joint finances because otherwise how do you actually ever know what is fair/not fair?