WIBU (or mad) to give up my car in these circumstances? any tips?

[Blueandblack2]

Really struggling with the COL. Council tax went up, water 3x the previous rate, food etc. Something gotta give and I wonder if that is the car.

my circumstances

• I work 5 days and can do 2 days from home. Commute is 12 miles to a busy industrial estate with loads of HGV but I am an experienced cyclist.

• 2 teens both with SN. Oldest has severe learning disabilities and cannot travel alone. I need to drive them everywhere but we have a taxi for school

• younger one also has a taxi but on average 2 appointments per week for which I need the car (or taxi) due to distance, lack of bus connection and the need to be home for DC1 by 3:30pm as they need me at home

• I have a DH with a car (company but allowed private use) and he can do the shopping and would be able to drive the kids to some of their hobbies. Some hobbies would have to stop obviously without me having my own car but not the end of the word.

• In essence, I would really only need a taxi/uber on appointment days and I hope we can reduce them soon to once a week and maybe, when it rains badly in lieu of cycling (no showers and there is no public transport there which I can take). Car is 17 years old and just too many reparations plus insurance gone up again. It's all costing me an arm and a leg and it's too much for my part time salary (I only work half days to enable me to care for the DC before and after school - increasing my hours is not an option due to their SN). I am just so fed up with being in the red all the time.

Thoughts?

As he is the father I honestly think you need to be looking at bigger than just the car.

You need to sit down together and list all outgoings, all the money coming in, and work out where you can either save money, make more money, or you accept that making life affordable again will take a bigger change and look at those options together.

But it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to help. Can you work more hours, tell him he needs to be available for more help with the kids because you need to go find more hours

What is the car costing you?
Can you get something more fuel efficient, cheaper insurance, repairs etc..
Sounds like you need your car.

Well there’s your problem. Do you have shared finances?

presuming you don't have a car loan, is it really costing you so much that it would make much difference?

He is financially responsible for his kids

Read the replies, I have already seen OP has now confirmed they are his kids.

This would be my worry.

If I put myself in this position where we live, taxi prices & how much either one of our cars cost us it would definitely end up costing me more to use a taxi even twice a week than it costs to run either of the cars.

It's a combination of insurance,.high tax (old polluting car), not being fuel efficient so a lot of petrol plus constant reparations. Been really bad the last year. MOT is due and dreading it. I would love a newer car but obviously, if I cannot afford to run a car, I won't have the means to buy a newer one. and yes, I need a newer car but I cannot afford it Not outright, not on finance. That is the long and short of it.

If kids are eligible for PIP, depending on if they get mobility have you looked at the possibility of a motability car?

If your DH is insisting that finances be 50/50 with no help then everything else needs to be 50/50 too.

make a list and divide it in 2. Do not help him with his half.

childcare - half the week and half the weekend he has to care for the children. He will have to reduce his hours to be backnin tome for the school taxi and you will be able to increase you hours to cover your costs.
house work
life admin
shopping
medical appts
laundry

The alternative is that he recognises that your contribution to the family is more than financial and so he has to up his financial contribution. That could he a proportion eg if you earn half of what he does then you contribute 33% and he contributes 66% to the bills.

currently monthly £18 tax, £65 insurance, £80 petrol and about 1.5k in reparations in the last 12 months. That averages out 288 per month to keep the car on the road. It's too much. May not be a lot for some bit it's too much for me.

OP you really need to deal with the bigger issue here. You just say your DH won’t budge, but that makes him abusive. Can’t you see how wrong this is? For the sake of your children you need to do something about this.

sit him down and explain to him that this just isn’t right. If he still won’t share finances then show him the door. You will have more money and he will have less. Surely that will be a motivator for him?

@Blueandblack2

Are you sure you are claiming everything to which you're entitled?

eg Carers Allowance

Your husband is totally unreasonable with regards to finances.

You are struggling, but I would not give up your car, not just because of your children but also for your own freedom.

I earn above the threshold and cannot claim CA..

if you really want to keep your head in the sand re your husbands financial abuse of you, and your children you could always look at one of the car sharing clubs? Basically just paying to sue a car when you need one.

It is absolutely not financial abuse, dont be ridiculous

OP, if you really cant afford to run the car then it would have to go. Bear in mind the travel might be better now the summer months are coming but what does that look like over the winter

On the other hand more usage of public transport may well increase or improve your children's skills and abilities.

I think it will be hard work but there will be some benefits to it. Good luck

From what you've said the car is a family necessity. Your partner earns good money and is full time, you are part time due to your family needs and yet he is insisting on 50/50. Is there enough money as a family if he stepped up his contributions?

You are a family, they are his kids. How would he react if you said I need a car and more flex in my budget and therefore will be reducing my contribution by x? Do you both pay into a joint account? Are you at risk of violence?

I posted 3 mins after you realised, your reply when realising was obviously not loaded on my screen

Op. You are going 50/50 with someone on a good salary while you work part time??

you have no money because your DH is basically robbing you. It’s absolutely bloody ridiculous.

why are you expected to take the financial hit of childcare if DH won’t pitch in with costs. Better to go full time and split childcare time/costs. What a fucking grift from him

Well, if he won’t budge, go full time and let him deal with the kids, cause you’re a bit busy earning enough.
I’m really angry on your behalf.

They are HIS kids

It is abuse. She has to pay 50/50. They are married , they are his kids. She can’t earn more because she has to be home for the kids.

@Blueandblack2what would happen if you just refused to put in as much money as you do now ?

Divorce and then you can get 50% of everything