WIBU (or mad) to give up my car in these circumstances? any tips?

[Blueandblack2]

Really struggling with the COL. Council tax went up, water 3x the previous rate, food etc. Something gotta give and I wonder if that is the car.

my circumstances

• I work 5 days and can do 2 days from home. Commute is 12 miles to a busy industrial estate with loads of HGV but I am an experienced cyclist.

• 2 teens both with SN. Oldest has severe learning disabilities and cannot travel alone. I need to drive them everywhere but we have a taxi for school

• younger one also has a taxi but on average 2 appointments per week for which I need the car (or taxi) due to distance, lack of bus connection and the need to be home for DC1 by 3:30pm as they need me at home

• I have a DH with a car (company but allowed private use) and he can do the shopping and would be able to drive the kids to some of their hobbies. Some hobbies would have to stop obviously without me having my own car but not the end of the word.

• In essence, I would really only need a taxi/uber on appointment days and I hope we can reduce them soon to once a week and maybe, when it rains badly in lieu of cycling (no showers and there is no public transport there which I can take). Car is 17 years old and just too many reparations plus insurance gone up again. It's all costing me an arm and a leg and it's too much for my part time salary (I only work half days to enable me to care for the DC before and after school - increasing my hours is not an option due to their SN). I am just so fed up with being in the red all the time.

Thoughts?

Honestly OP I’d keep the car if u can possibly do so.
look again about expenditures and how DH has a full company car and yet your ferrying all DC

Why isn't your DH helping with the car costs?

I just work. No hobbies, no holidays, no gym or meals out. I cut my own hair. No experience clothes, ancient mobile with a £8 Giffgaff rolling contract etc. I just don't see where I can cut expenses.

Cam you get PIP for the k8ds? Mobility car?

It's registered in my name so he considers it not his responsibility and won't help towards costs. I drive it mainly (most of the time to ferry my DC around though).

If the car is on the way out and you can’t afford a new one then it seems a no brainer.

how much would taxis cost per week?

cycling 24 miles a day sounds hellish to me, but it sounds like you feel it’s manageable?
PT but working 5 days a week? Is there any way you can compress your hours to reduce traveling time?

what is your husbands opinion? You say you’re struggling to afford the car on your PT salary, but surely your husband can contribute if you’re using the car to transport your kids around?

Ah, so you have a dh problem. You have two children with sen. Finances need to be shared (unless he wants to do 50% of all child responsibilities and housework)

Great idea, one car should suffice, but what hobbies have to stop?

Get rid of the car and see how it goes. Your dh can step up with the driving about.

Are they his children?

Then I'm sorry, but that makes him a very unpleasant person.

What the hell? You work part-time to look after your joint children but your DH won't help with your costs?

Might be worth checking if you are eligible for help under watersure if you are funding water bills are a particular issue.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/water/problems-with-paying-your-water-bill/watersure-scheme-help-with-paying-water-bills/

Can't help with the car thing though. Your DH sounds like a bit of a knob. Would either/both of the kids not qualify for support with transport which you could put towards a vehicle for your/their use.

Hmmm. We’re about two months into no car at all. We’ve given ourselves six months to try it out and will reassess at that point. So far it’s going pretty well but our circumstances are different:
Car was a workplace lease and renewal prices were ridiculous, so not paying the lease fees has made a noticeable difference to our finances already;
We’ve ring-fenced our petrol money for public transport/emergency taxis and have underspent by about £70/month;
We all (two secondary aged children, 1 ND) school/work in the small city we live in;
I’m most affected as I have the longest walk (50 mins mainly uphill) and hate cycling;
We have our big shop delivered and have noticed that not popping to the shops so often has made us make better choices by forcing more meal planning;
ND child was seriously ill requiring hospital admission a few weeks ago and Ubers to hospital still came within our monthly budget, but I’m finding follow-up appointments hard to navigate;
Children’s hobbies are easy on public transport and even the ND child can manage a bus/train independently if we do it a few time together first.
I feel fantastic with the extra walking and short-term this is helping us save for summer holiday etc which we previously couldn’t afford due to increased COL. But the unexpected illness of DD has rattled me a bit. In your circumstances, this could be really tough. We also have the benefit that both kids are used to walking to school and that the weather has been not too unkind yet.

Oldest is on PIP incl low rate mobility but I need it to pay the bills. My salary is very low and I cannot increase my hours.

cycling 24 miles a day sounds hellish to me, but it sounds like you feel it’s manageable?
PT but working 5 days a week? Is there any way you can compress your hours to reduce traveling time?

I cannot compress hours as there is no childcare for DC1 so I can only work during school hours. Compressing hours would mean I am not back in time for the taxi. It's just not possible.

also re finances: DH and I go 50/50 on everything (his choice, not mine). He won't budge on that. there is nothing I can do. hence trying to find other ways to stay afloat.

DH has a good salary. We do not qualify for extra benefits due to his income.

I’d honestly consider looking at what your finances would be like if you split up. He’s being grossly unfair insisting on splitting all expenses 50:50 when he earns more and his presence in the household is stopping you from getting additional help.

This is financial abuse op.

50/50 on everything, but you’re part time as you’re looking after his children including on with special needs? Just no.

this is financial abuse and a bigger issue than the car atm.

you’re married and have children everything should be put in the one pot. If he’s not prepared to do this then I would consider separating. Do some sums and I’m sure you would be better off after tax credits and child support. Your husband would also be worth off, this should be pointed out to him.

Darling, you’re being financially abused. Your H earns more because you look after his children and yet he won’t share the costs of the raising them, which includes a car to drive them to appointments.

and he’s abusing you with 50/50 as you earn less while he feathers his nest.

i would run a calculation for what benefits you’d get without him plus child support and see if you’re better off

I’m sorry he’s so awful. You sound wonderful by the way

There’s no way any good husband would let the mother of his children cycle 24 miles three times a week, because she can’t afford to run a car, while he stashes away all his cash or spends it on god knows what.

So you go 50/50 on everything even though you earn very little?

So your husband is a cunt?

Tell your DH if you have to go 50/50 on everything then that includes looking after the kids and he has to be back for the taxi for half the week so you can work more to afford to live!

Have a LTB!
Assuming these are his children; he is a selfish arsehole; 50/50 yet your work is limited due to shared DC needs - this is not okay OP! 💐